(no subject)
2009 involved... a lot of changes. I don't know if more positive or negative, but there were a lot of changes, in my personal life and around me, that I had to get used to.
Some of the main highlights of my 2009:
- Barack Obama becoming president, thus turning the White House a caramel color
- lol Chris Brown beating the shit out of Rihanna
- First DoV in March, with Samantha Rei and like 20+ other frilly chicks
- Finally getting my package from Mai, and officially ending my period of debt with her, along with my shopping/auctioning addiction.
- Being friends with my ex again
- Meeting Rio and Cat
- Getting my beloved cat
- Going to LaG's gospel choir, meeting Horace again for the first time in years
- Lolita day without me planning it for once
- Getting my summer job
- AGEmo Sumire, Michael Jackson, etc. people dying
- Spending most of my earned cash on food rather than on more important things
- My cat dying
- Sinking into yet another depression period because of death (3rd time this year)
- Meeting Angela, and other gals for the first time
- Getting extensions braided in for the first time
- Meeting Kokusyoku Sumire and being smothered in their cuteness
- Sinking yet into another depression period
- Deciding to get help for my depression.
- Brought up wanting to get my own room
- Now have my own room
- Deciding to go to church
- Thanksgiving
- Getting baptized (Apostolic Pentecostal)
- Christmas, for once feeling the spirit of giving rather than greed
- All of my attempts of giving falling through.
- Finally telling Horace how I feel, now knowingly having his support (and somewhat knowing his feelings towards me)
2009 has been a big change for me in terms of changing my lifestyle.
2008 I ended off being heavily in debt to Mai, from auctioning so much. Nearly 400+ in debt, at that. Once I actually paid her off, and then got my package sent, that was the last huge package I've gotten. Once I paid that off in April 2009 I avoided (and am still avoiding, for the most part) the evil that are auctioning sites, so I don't end up spending what I don't have. The guilt of owing money to a friend is pretty painful enough, and then on top of that I still haven't gotten things done.
My style began to change, and so did my eye for style. Looking at Lolita magazines bore me nowadays. I am hooked to AGEHA like a child on crack and I've also been visiting local places more often, determined to build my own personal style up, from casual to gyaru-inspired to lolita. I decided to finally try and bring more 'sexy' in my style, because I was at the point where I felt I had achieved 'cute', but cute alone wasn't me. I tried to keep up with my appearance constantly. Hair, makeup when I wanted to, clothing, I avoided the plain t-shirts and the bum jeans because I wanted to look good AND feel good all the time.
However, that didn't happen much because I was constantly depressed. I had supposedly made 1,000 dollars during the summer vacation, but most of that ended up going to food. And when I mean most, I mean 100-200 dollars was spent on anything else except food. Instead of the usual retail therapy, I was stuffing myself to try and make myself feel better. I didn't gain any fat, yet I gained pounds?
I had so many downturns this year, and it was affecting my style. It started affecting my daily activities, whether with friends or just simple tasks. Of course not keeping up with those things got me even more depressed. I had left a buyer of one of my items hanging, for 4+ months because I couldn't remember or bring myself to go to the post office to deliver her thing. During the school year, I was missing from school for at least a week or two because I couldn't go anymore. I didn't want to be there. To be anywhere. It got drastically worse when my cat had died, I can't even explain how down I was, only that it was to the point where I was fucking up on work. And nothing stops me from making my money. I met up with gals maybe a week or two later, and it was a good time, but once that was all done and over with, I was back to how I was.
I didn't realize how depressed I was until now; lolita used to be regular wear for me, but I have yet to wear it to school for the past 6 months. I wasn't able to get myself up for quite a couple of meets. I missed out on school for nearly 2-3 weeks straight at one point, and I was sleeping with 3 guys at the same time. I was eating and feeling worthless because I knew I wasn't doing anything with myself, but I felt that I couldn't get out of it.
However, looking at how my style progressed and what I look at nowadays, I realized that I try to base my style heavily on 3 models:
-Araki Sayaka
-Rina Sakurai
-"Hina no Riku"
I used to say that Eri Momoka was my idol, but I realized that I hardly... look at her anymore. I used to look at her a lot before 2009 but now it's not so much. I looked at Keiko-hime, but looking at her was like looking at lolita when I couldn't afford it: looking at someone constantly decked head-to-toe in Jesus Diamante wasn't inspiring as much as it was just wishful thinking.
Sayaka and Sakurina, I constantly watch them when it comes to clothing and hair. They have some bitchin' style. Though I look at Sayaka with clothing more, and Sakurina with hair more. But yeah, the both of them are two people I look at constantly when trying to up my style.
Makeup-wise... funny enough but I'm looking more at Hina no Riku. It's not really funny but to me it is because she's an AV chick.
She's just so cute and I can't stand it! I can easily just come out and say "d'awww, her hair is so cute, and she gives blowjobs like a mother!"
But yeah, I look at her blog all the time now. She's just so cute, plus she's the type of dark I like when it comes to Japanese gals, AND she's not a stick. She's small, but she has a lot of ass and curves that it's crazy.
hella cute! not gonna show her in action directly on my LJ but NSFW one of her vids http://upper-trad.com/top/?page_id=1141
I'm not sure why I have idols to look at with Gyaru but none in Lolita. I dunno, but imo my lolita style isn't all -that- great. I don't have a body to be cute in a completely innocent manner, imo. I have curves and a huge ass and it always seemed to be a negative trait whenever I wear lolita. Regular lolita wear, when I modeled, whenever. It never really looked like how I wanted it because my ass is an inconvenience. No matter what anyone else says otherwise, it is. With or without a petticoat, my ass pulls up the back of the dress, and a petticoat would never do it any justice.
Any sort of gal style accentuate my curves, and I'm at a point in my personal... style? where I am comfortable with being sexy. Usually cute-sexy, but sexy. I was wearing my shorts during this winter more than I did my pants, which is fucking ridic but I have, and I feel good wearing them. I have enough confidence to carry myself around in gal-style clothing. And surprisingly, having that confidence keeps guys off of me more than it ever did with lolita. I don't know why.
Not that I'm quitting lolita or anything, Lolita is a main influence to my style as well, but I think for a time I'll be concentrating on gyaru and my casual style in general, rather than trying to juggle two (well-- three if you count on me building up my room) different, time-consuming, expensive hobbies. I'll still be trying to be in the habit of doing meets, but I don't think I'll be concentrating on my style anytime soon.
Anyways, October began to be a very active month in terms of me changing around everything. I decided to get Horace to help me find/gain my religious faith. Since then, I've been going to church almost once a week, being active in discussions and making friends with the youth there. I've been growing much closer to Horace than I've ever been and I was feeling so content with where I was at, but I knew that couldn't be the end of it. I'll end it on that note to avoid the dreamy, wishful thinking
A while later, I approached my mom about getting me a psychiatrist. I also approached her about wanting my own room at Omi's house. Now, I have my first appointment next Wednesday, and my room is ready for me. I have so much to look forward to, now that I'm not only trying to perfect my own style, but my room, and my lifestyle as well. Now that I'm currently between "Completely depressed" and "completely optimistic about life", I have been practicing on my appearance. I finally got my staple "gal makeup" down. I'm learning to dress sexy but conservative. I clearly know who I idol off of style-wise, I look everywhere to specifically see WHAT I want to improve my personal look, and my space. I am back to looking at possible career choices, and am back to doing some artwork to pass my free time.
And with that, comes my resolutions for 2010:
1- Get back on track with school, go and gain at least 2 credits before the term ends at the end of January.
2- Take the GED test like suggested.
3- Keep trying to get a job
4- Try and work with the psychiatrist so I can break my from-bad-to-worse habits. e.x. Sleeping pattern, lateness, lack of concentration, low self-esteem and how to handle those emotional dips.
5- MAKE myself get into Yoga again.
From taking and getting a GED, I will:
1- Attempt to finish High School (HS Diploma > GED any day)
2- Attempt to apply for those Event/Wedding Planning certificate courses.
3- Start attending said courses.
After finishing High School, I will:
1- TAKE A GOD DAMN BREAK. A month of sleep, plz
2- Work even harder on getting a job, possibly full-time if I can handle it.
3- Make sure I am in those certificate courses, they're only once a week so I should be good.
After getting into Yoga again, I will:
1- Finish the 175 hours of gym credit I need to graduate.
2- Make it a habit that will continue after school is done
3- Try and lose some ass and gut before the summer gets here, and rock a sexy bikini
After getting a job, I will:
1- Pay my ridiculously overdue debts to Amy
2- Pay for certificate courses, if I need to
3- Try to help Mom with some of her needs
4- Attempt to save up at least 5000-6000 dollars, then travel to a foreign place. (1st choice, Tokyo for the ultimate shopping experience. 2nd choice, Germany for personal ambitions and then the rest of Europe, 3rd choice, a tropical place e.x. Brazil or the Bahamas. Most likely Brazil.)
5- Doing and getting things for the people and friends important in my life.
6- Build up my wardrobe, and my room, here and there
Some of the main highlights of my 2009:
- Barack Obama becoming president, thus turning the White House a caramel color
- lol Chris Brown beating the shit out of Rihanna
- First DoV in March, with Samantha Rei and like 20+ other frilly chicks
- Finally getting my package from Mai, and officially ending my period of debt with her, along with my shopping/auctioning addiction.
- Being friends with my ex again
- Meeting Rio and Cat
- Getting my beloved cat
- Going to LaG's gospel choir, meeting Horace again for the first time in years
- Lolita day without me planning it for once
- Getting my summer job
- AGEmo Sumire, Michael Jackson, etc. people dying
- Spending most of my earned cash on food rather than on more important things
- My cat dying
- Sinking into yet another depression period because of death (3rd time this year)
- Meeting Angela, and other gals for the first time
- Getting extensions braided in for the first time
- Meeting Kokusyoku Sumire and being smothered in their cuteness
- Sinking yet into another depression period
- Deciding to get help for my depression.
- Brought up wanting to get my own room
- Now have my own room
- Deciding to go to church
- Thanksgiving
- Getting baptized (Apostolic Pentecostal)
- Christmas, for once feeling the spirit of giving rather than greed
- All of my attempts of giving falling through.
- Finally telling Horace how I feel, now knowingly having his support (and somewhat knowing his feelings towards me)
2009 has been a big change for me in terms of changing my lifestyle.
2008 I ended off being heavily in debt to Mai, from auctioning so much. Nearly 400+ in debt, at that. Once I actually paid her off, and then got my package sent, that was the last huge package I've gotten. Once I paid that off in April 2009 I avoided (and am still avoiding, for the most part) the evil that are auctioning sites, so I don't end up spending what I don't have. The guilt of owing money to a friend is pretty painful enough, and then on top of that I still haven't gotten things done.
My style began to change, and so did my eye for style. Looking at Lolita magazines bore me nowadays. I am hooked to AGEHA like a child on crack and I've also been visiting local places more often, determined to build my own personal style up, from casual to gyaru-inspired to lolita. I decided to finally try and bring more 'sexy' in my style, because I was at the point where I felt I had achieved 'cute', but cute alone wasn't me. I tried to keep up with my appearance constantly. Hair, makeup when I wanted to, clothing, I avoided the plain t-shirts and the bum jeans because I wanted to look good AND feel good all the time.
However, that didn't happen much because I was constantly depressed. I had supposedly made 1,000 dollars during the summer vacation, but most of that ended up going to food. And when I mean most, I mean 100-200 dollars was spent on anything else except food. Instead of the usual retail therapy, I was stuffing myself to try and make myself feel better. I didn't gain any fat, yet I gained pounds?
I had so many downturns this year, and it was affecting my style. It started affecting my daily activities, whether with friends or just simple tasks. Of course not keeping up with those things got me even more depressed. I had left a buyer of one of my items hanging, for 4+ months because I couldn't remember or bring myself to go to the post office to deliver her thing. During the school year, I was missing from school for at least a week or two because I couldn't go anymore. I didn't want to be there. To be anywhere. It got drastically worse when my cat had died, I can't even explain how down I was, only that it was to the point where I was fucking up on work. And nothing stops me from making my money. I met up with gals maybe a week or two later, and it was a good time, but once that was all done and over with, I was back to how I was.
I didn't realize how depressed I was until now; lolita used to be regular wear for me, but I have yet to wear it to school for the past 6 months. I wasn't able to get myself up for quite a couple of meets. I missed out on school for nearly 2-3 weeks straight at one point, and I was sleeping with 3 guys at the same time. I was eating and feeling worthless because I knew I wasn't doing anything with myself, but I felt that I couldn't get out of it.
However, looking at how my style progressed and what I look at nowadays, I realized that I try to base my style heavily on 3 models:
-Araki Sayaka
-Rina Sakurai
-"Hina no Riku"
I used to say that Eri Momoka was my idol, but I realized that I hardly... look at her anymore. I used to look at her a lot before 2009 but now it's not so much. I looked at Keiko-hime, but looking at her was like looking at lolita when I couldn't afford it: looking at someone constantly decked head-to-toe in Jesus Diamante wasn't inspiring as much as it was just wishful thinking.
Sayaka and Sakurina, I constantly watch them when it comes to clothing and hair. They have some bitchin' style. Though I look at Sayaka with clothing more, and Sakurina with hair more. But yeah, the both of them are two people I look at constantly when trying to up my style.
Makeup-wise... funny enough but I'm looking more at Hina no Riku. It's not really funny but to me it is because she's an AV chick.
She's just so cute and I can't stand it! I can easily just come out and say "d'awww, her hair is so cute, and she gives blowjobs like a mother!"
But yeah, I look at her blog all the time now. She's just so cute, plus she's the type of dark I like when it comes to Japanese gals, AND she's not a stick. She's small, but she has a lot of ass and curves that it's crazy.
hella cute! not gonna show her in action directly on my LJ but NSFW one of her vids http://upper-trad.com/top/?page_id=1141
I'm not sure why I have idols to look at with Gyaru but none in Lolita. I dunno, but imo my lolita style isn't all -that- great. I don't have a body to be cute in a completely innocent manner, imo. I have curves and a huge ass and it always seemed to be a negative trait whenever I wear lolita. Regular lolita wear, when I modeled, whenever. It never really looked like how I wanted it because my ass is an inconvenience. No matter what anyone else says otherwise, it is. With or without a petticoat, my ass pulls up the back of the dress, and a petticoat would never do it any justice.
Any sort of gal style accentuate my curves, and I'm at a point in my personal... style? where I am comfortable with being sexy. Usually cute-sexy, but sexy. I was wearing my shorts during this winter more than I did my pants, which is fucking ridic but I have, and I feel good wearing them. I have enough confidence to carry myself around in gal-style clothing. And surprisingly, having that confidence keeps guys off of me more than it ever did with lolita. I don't know why.
Not that I'm quitting lolita or anything, Lolita is a main influence to my style as well, but I think for a time I'll be concentrating on gyaru and my casual style in general, rather than trying to juggle two (well-- three if you count on me building up my room) different, time-consuming, expensive hobbies. I'll still be trying to be in the habit of doing meets, but I don't think I'll be concentrating on my style anytime soon.
Anyways, October began to be a very active month in terms of me changing around everything. I decided to get Horace to help me find/gain my religious faith. Since then, I've been going to church almost once a week, being active in discussions and making friends with the youth there. I've been growing much closer to Horace than I've ever been and I was feeling so content with where I was at, but I knew that couldn't be the end of it. I'll end it on that note to avoid the dreamy, wishful thinking
A while later, I approached my mom about getting me a psychiatrist. I also approached her about wanting my own room at Omi's house. Now, I have my first appointment next Wednesday, and my room is ready for me. I have so much to look forward to, now that I'm not only trying to perfect my own style, but my room, and my lifestyle as well. Now that I'm currently between "Completely depressed" and "completely optimistic about life", I have been practicing on my appearance. I finally got my staple "gal makeup" down. I'm learning to dress sexy but conservative. I clearly know who I idol off of style-wise, I look everywhere to specifically see WHAT I want to improve my personal look, and my space. I am back to looking at possible career choices, and am back to doing some artwork to pass my free time.
And with that, comes my resolutions for 2010:
1- Get back on track with school, go and gain at least 2 credits before the term ends at the end of January.
2- Take the GED test like suggested.
3- Keep trying to get a job
4- Try and work with the psychiatrist so I can break my from-bad-to-worse habits. e.x. Sleeping pattern, lateness, lack of concentration, low self-esteem and how to handle those emotional dips.
5- MAKE myself get into Yoga again.
From taking and getting a GED, I will:
1- Attempt to finish High School (HS Diploma > GED any day)
2- Attempt to apply for those Event/Wedding Planning certificate courses.
3- Start attending said courses.
After finishing High School, I will:
1- TAKE A GOD DAMN BREAK. A month of sleep, plz
2- Work even harder on getting a job, possibly full-time if I can handle it.
3- Make sure I am in those certificate courses, they're only once a week so I should be good.
After getting into Yoga again, I will:
1- Finish the 175 hours of gym credit I need to graduate.
2- Make it a habit that will continue after school is done
3- Try and lose some ass and gut before the summer gets here, and rock a sexy bikini
After getting a job, I will:
1- Pay my ridiculously overdue debts to Amy
2- Pay for certificate courses, if I need to
3- Try to help Mom with some of her needs
4- Attempt to save up at least 5000-6000 dollars, then travel to a foreign place. (1st choice, Tokyo for the ultimate shopping experience. 2nd choice, Germany for personal ambitions and then the rest of Europe, 3rd choice, a tropical place e.x. Brazil or the Bahamas. Most likely Brazil.)
5- Doing and getting things for the people and friends important in my life.
6- Build up my wardrobe, and my room, here and there