(no subject)
Something about that "I can't quit you" line from Brokeback - hits me where it hurts. Always.
I have been nothing but let down...over and over...most of which was attributed to my own feelings of inadequacy, but nonetheless painful...
Each of them failed me in some capacity. Each let me down. I can't help but feel I let each of them down too. I must have, because they gave up...
Somehow, you still get to me.
Not because you're special. Not because I feel anything for you but disdain right now.
Because at some point your presence in my life made my life brighter. Because at some point, I cared about you, and you cared about me (at least that's what you said).
Because at some point I let myself be vulnerable. And while I did that, you stepped on me, squashed me, and walked away.
But you know, I stood back up. That's the great thing about me - I'm strong.
Still, something's wrong. Something about you (each of you) that grates on my nerves. Something about the way things were, and the way things are...and the way I'd always thought it would be.
Life is going to change all over again. Someone I thought...it doesn't matter what I thought....is picking up and leaving. I wish there were words. Words that didn't sound so pathetic and so sad. Words that really expressed how this feels right now, and how I know I'll feel sooner or later. Probably knows...probably thinks something else...probably...doesn't thing at all about this/me ever...
There is nothing wrong with what I think or what I want...
But somehow it kills me - every time - that I feel it at all...
Such a simple request....so simple...and without it I feel like something's missing...
I have been nothing but let down...over and over...most of which was attributed to my own feelings of inadequacy, but nonetheless painful...
Each of them failed me in some capacity. Each let me down. I can't help but feel I let each of them down too. I must have, because they gave up...
Somehow, you still get to me.
Not because you're special. Not because I feel anything for you but disdain right now.
Because at some point your presence in my life made my life brighter. Because at some point, I cared about you, and you cared about me (at least that's what you said).
Because at some point I let myself be vulnerable. And while I did that, you stepped on me, squashed me, and walked away.
But you know, I stood back up. That's the great thing about me - I'm strong.
Still, something's wrong. Something about you (each of you) that grates on my nerves. Something about the way things were, and the way things are...and the way I'd always thought it would be.
Life is going to change all over again. Someone I thought...it doesn't matter what I thought....is picking up and leaving. I wish there were words. Words that didn't sound so pathetic and so sad. Words that really expressed how this feels right now, and how I know I'll feel sooner or later. Probably knows...probably thinks something else...probably...doesn't thing at all about this/me ever...
There is nothing wrong with what I think or what I want...
But somehow it kills me - every time - that I feel it at all...
Such a simple request....so simple...and without it I feel like something's missing...