(no subject)
I have this insatiable urge to not give a damn anymore. Somehow, I know that can't be the best idea. But on the other hand, it would allow me to have what I want, consequence free (well, not entirely).
Selfish. Callous. Maybe. Probably. Ya, I'm pretty sure.
Some have told me I have to be. Some have told me things I already know, like what "the right thing to do" is. Apparently, I'm NOT 20 years old, I'm blind, deaf, dumb and NOT human. Did you know? Crazy.
I've also been told that relationships can't only be give. And there are times, with people, I feel like I'm only giving. And I'm sick of that.
When shitty things happen, no one particularly deserves them. No one should have to suffer. But at the same time, suffering is a burden you take upon yourself. There are ways to overcome grief and not suffer. Perhaps those of us who have mastered that skill should be forgiving to those who have not. Or perhaps those who have not should listen to us once in a while.
I'm evil. Satan, perhaps.
Consideration, understanding, respect, pity, and sympathy - these things I have. Patience I do not.
I'm tired of being drained. I'm tired of being a doormat. I'm tired of being a mother. I'm tired of being abused.
Some things you just don't feel right about. Does that make you a bad person? Feelings and emotions are the hardest things to understand and the hardest to control. Perhaps that's why no one trusts them, the way they should.
I'm trusting what I feel right now. I'm trusting that everything is not only as it appears on the surface or how it is relayed to others. I'm trusting that my heart is right, and that my gut is right.
It is hard to explain. It is hard when everyone questions you about all the things that have already come to mind and have been dealt with.
Its hard when people doubt your strength. Your morals. Your judgement. Your heart.
Selfish. Callous. Maybe. Probably. Ya, I'm pretty sure.
Some have told me I have to be. Some have told me things I already know, like what "the right thing to do" is. Apparently, I'm NOT 20 years old, I'm blind, deaf, dumb and NOT human. Did you know? Crazy.
I've also been told that relationships can't only be give. And there are times, with people, I feel like I'm only giving. And I'm sick of that.
When shitty things happen, no one particularly deserves them. No one should have to suffer. But at the same time, suffering is a burden you take upon yourself. There are ways to overcome grief and not suffer. Perhaps those of us who have mastered that skill should be forgiving to those who have not. Or perhaps those who have not should listen to us once in a while.
I'm evil. Satan, perhaps.
Consideration, understanding, respect, pity, and sympathy - these things I have. Patience I do not.
I'm tired of being drained. I'm tired of being a doormat. I'm tired of being a mother. I'm tired of being abused.
Some things you just don't feel right about. Does that make you a bad person? Feelings and emotions are the hardest things to understand and the hardest to control. Perhaps that's why no one trusts them, the way they should.
I'm trusting what I feel right now. I'm trusting that everything is not only as it appears on the surface or how it is relayed to others. I'm trusting that my heart is right, and that my gut is right.
It is hard to explain. It is hard when everyone questions you about all the things that have already come to mind and have been dealt with.
Its hard when people doubt your strength. Your morals. Your judgement. Your heart.