um, wow.
So Saturday morning I decided I should show Liz my college quotes, since I quote her all the time. XD; She loved my quotes, and she really seemed to like my LJ a lot in general.
Now, I use different locks on my entries all the time and since Liz doesn't have an LJ there was a lot of stuff she couldn't see. So she kept coming in here and hopping onto my laptop and going to my LJ and reading, which weirded me out like whoa at first, and I was all paranoid, even though it's not like there was anything right there she couldn't read...
Ugh I just hate my ridiculous paranoia about the content of my blog! And it all goes back to that one stupid anonymous comment.
It was February of last year, and one Wednesday night I went on and made a short, happy post about the night's Lost episode and how much I'd loved it. A few days later, somebody (it was an anonymous comment, and they didn't sign it, either) made a comment that was something like, "Where is Jesus in your blog? He used to be everywhere in your life".
And to this day I still don't know who left that comment and it still feels like a massive punch to the gut, ugh. Granted, I've always had a strong hunch who left the comment - as far as I'm concerned, there are two people who likely would have left it. And if it was one of them...
Okay, yes, when I was much younger I wasn't doing so hot and I ended up turning to Christianity because of those two. And wow, were they so cool - I mean they were so much older and fun to hang out with, and they'd been through everything we were going through then. And I trusted them, way more than anybody else at that time, aannnd then they up and left, to a paid position, to a new group of kids. And after a while I started to realize how much shit they'd left in their wake. And after a while things just started getting ickier and ickier for me and the people who were now teaching me things just saw things in a way that was totally not how I lived or live my life. I needed to distance myself from them, but I just ended up distancing myself from my religion and now I'm at a point where I don't believe in much of anything at all but what I see right in front of me.
And by the time that comment was left, the people who left had been gone for...hmm, almost two years at that point maybe? At least a year and a half, I'd say. And I hadn't seen them since then, just exchanged a few comments on Xanga and had a few short chats on AIM.
And if it really was one of them who left that comment, the fact that they thought they could just drop by and judge me like that after no contact - other than all your Xanga posts about how wonderful your new life was - still makes my skin crawl. You don't know me anymore. I thought we mattered to you but apparently not. After all that time and so little contact, you cannot just jump in and presume to know me at all. You just can't. What I post in my blog is and has always been and will always be up to me. Sorry if silly posts about my TV are not ~spiritual~ enough for you.
Anyway, how are you guys? XD; Really, don't get me wrong, it's been a great weekend and things are going fine, and I'm planning to have a great week. This was just bothering me earlier, that's all, and I just wanted to get my head around why I'm so squeamish about people I know IRL reading my LJ.
Now, I use different locks on my entries all the time and since Liz doesn't have an LJ there was a lot of stuff she couldn't see. So she kept coming in here and hopping onto my laptop and going to my LJ and reading, which weirded me out like whoa at first, and I was all paranoid, even though it's not like there was anything right there she couldn't read...
Ugh I just hate my ridiculous paranoia about the content of my blog! And it all goes back to that one stupid anonymous comment.
It was February of last year, and one Wednesday night I went on and made a short, happy post about the night's Lost episode and how much I'd loved it. A few days later, somebody (it was an anonymous comment, and they didn't sign it, either) made a comment that was something like, "Where is Jesus in your blog? He used to be everywhere in your life".
And to this day I still don't know who left that comment and it still feels like a massive punch to the gut, ugh. Granted, I've always had a strong hunch who left the comment - as far as I'm concerned, there are two people who likely would have left it. And if it was one of them...
Okay, yes, when I was much younger I wasn't doing so hot and I ended up turning to Christianity because of those two. And wow, were they so cool - I mean they were so much older and fun to hang out with, and they'd been through everything we were going through then. And I trusted them, way more than anybody else at that time, aannnd then they up and left, to a paid position, to a new group of kids. And after a while I started to realize how much shit they'd left in their wake. And after a while things just started getting ickier and ickier for me and the people who were now teaching me things just saw things in a way that was totally not how I lived or live my life. I needed to distance myself from them, but I just ended up distancing myself from my religion and now I'm at a point where I don't believe in much of anything at all but what I see right in front of me.
And by the time that comment was left, the people who left had been gone for...hmm, almost two years at that point maybe? At least a year and a half, I'd say. And I hadn't seen them since then, just exchanged a few comments on Xanga and had a few short chats on AIM.
And if it really was one of them who left that comment, the fact that they thought they could just drop by and judge me like that after no contact - other than all your Xanga posts about how wonderful your new life was - still makes my skin crawl. You don't know me anymore. I thought we mattered to you but apparently not. After all that time and so little contact, you cannot just jump in and presume to know me at all. You just can't. What I post in my blog is and has always been and will always be up to me. Sorry if silly posts about my TV are not ~spiritual~ enough for you.
Anyway, how are you guys? XD; Really, don't get me wrong, it's been a great weekend and things are going fine, and I'm planning to have a great week. This was just bothering me earlier, that's all, and I just wanted to get my head around why I'm so squeamish about people I know IRL reading my LJ.