When it hit me.
I think, today, I finally realized that things with my family weren't going to turn out like a Wes Anderson movie.
I'm not sure why exactly it was today, or why exactly it was on the way to the gym, but I started thinking about how my sister's upcoming graduation party in May was going to go. How the haze of resentment and blame would be filtering as thick as the cigarette smoke when my mom arrived.
I ran into the guy I used to train with, and he made a remark about how I seemed down, and all of a sudden I was in a public place, about to burst into tears. I had to walk away from him. I thought to myself "fucking pull it together; people are looking." I managed to work out, and as I was stretching, the same guy walked up to me and said "if you need to talk, I am here for you." And I thanked him and said we'd talk soon but my eyes were starting to boil over, so I left.
I wept the whole way home. I walked into J's arms and cried. I ate dinner and cake.
I don't know where my mom is living, and I don't want to ask her because if I do then I will know the address of the apartment she lives in, alone. Does that make sense? Also, she is moving in two months to be with a guy I still have no idea what his name is, by the way.
I sent up a Christmas basket from Harry & David, but I didn't know who to address it to, so I just sent it to my little sister "and family."
I know it all sounds stupid and petty, because it is. That's why it's hurting.
I'm not sure why exactly it was today, or why exactly it was on the way to the gym, but I started thinking about how my sister's upcoming graduation party in May was going to go. How the haze of resentment and blame would be filtering as thick as the cigarette smoke when my mom arrived.
I ran into the guy I used to train with, and he made a remark about how I seemed down, and all of a sudden I was in a public place, about to burst into tears. I had to walk away from him. I thought to myself "fucking pull it together; people are looking." I managed to work out, and as I was stretching, the same guy walked up to me and said "if you need to talk, I am here for you." And I thanked him and said we'd talk soon but my eyes were starting to boil over, so I left.
I wept the whole way home. I walked into J's arms and cried. I ate dinner and cake.
I don't know where my mom is living, and I don't want to ask her because if I do then I will know the address of the apartment she lives in, alone. Does that make sense? Also, she is moving in two months to be with a guy I still have no idea what his name is, by the way.
I sent up a Christmas basket from Harry & David, but I didn't know who to address it to, so I just sent it to my little sister "and family."
I know it all sounds stupid and petty, because it is. That's why it's hurting.