XXVIIII
I turned 29 this past Wednesday. I decided to be completely self-indulgent and took the day off work (first time I've done that in...a decade or more, I'd wager). I attended a book club in the morning, and then in the afternoon/ evening, J and I saw the last Harry Potter movie in Imax 3D, ate sushi, and went for ice cream. I got "birthday cake" flavor. It was nerdulant, lovely, and relaxing.
A couple of people asked me if I was having problems or was nervous about the fact that this was the last year before the BIG 30. I get why they asked, and I know I won't really understand how I feel about that particular mile marker until I get there, but frankly, the mid-20's were a lot harder to deal with than this birthday was, mainly because I felt really lost. It's difficult to admit that, but there you go. As my dad once said in a fit of frustration with me, I was a lot of talk and big starts, but not much follow through. I wasn't living up to my potential.
If we're all honest, this is a hard world to live in. "Times" are not kind for most of us, right now. But I am very fortunate, and I have a lot of gratitude. I have a strong, healthy, loving relationship. I trust the man I have to spend my life with, and I am motivated by our love to brave and make the best of myself. I live in a clean, secure home. I have a wide net of people of varied resources whom I can count to help me, if I need it." I make a living wage. I am healthy. I own reliable transportation. I possess the understanding that if my cleverness, networking and personal fortitude are greater than the obstacles which will continue to present themselves, that the equation equalling success. And also, success has become what I determine it to be. I'm fine.
In a less flowery statement, it helps that I have no delusions that my face is going to melt into jowls or that my rack will be hit with a giant gravity stick, sending them into a completely different orbit next year. I mean, come on folks. I've moisturized since age 14. I wear sunblock. I work out. My shallow, rapaciously self-absorbed obsessions should be ok for another couple of years ; )
A couple of people asked me if I was having problems or was nervous about the fact that this was the last year before the BIG 30. I get why they asked, and I know I won't really understand how I feel about that particular mile marker until I get there, but frankly, the mid-20's were a lot harder to deal with than this birthday was, mainly because I felt really lost. It's difficult to admit that, but there you go. As my dad once said in a fit of frustration with me, I was a lot of talk and big starts, but not much follow through. I wasn't living up to my potential.
If we're all honest, this is a hard world to live in. "Times" are not kind for most of us, right now. But I am very fortunate, and I have a lot of gratitude. I have a strong, healthy, loving relationship. I trust the man I have to spend my life with, and I am motivated by our love to brave and make the best of myself. I live in a clean, secure home. I have a wide net of people of varied resources whom I can count to help me, if I need it." I make a living wage. I am healthy. I own reliable transportation. I possess the understanding that if my cleverness, networking and personal fortitude are greater than the obstacles which will continue to present themselves, that the equation equalling success. And also, success has become what I determine it to be. I'm fine.
In a less flowery statement, it helps that I have no delusions that my face is going to melt into jowls or that my rack will be hit with a giant gravity stick, sending them into a completely different orbit next year. I mean, come on folks. I've moisturized since age 14. I wear sunblock. I work out. My shallow, rapaciously self-absorbed obsessions should be ok for another couple of years ; )