Crazy is as crazy's doing it.
Something has been happening with increasing frequency, and it's starting to make me really uncomfortable.
On the two days a week I drive into my office instead of working from home, my commute is about 1.5 hours each way. These are the same days I go to school, so normally I get out about 9:15ish and drive home, arriving around 10:30pm.
I have been noticing, sporadically at first but pretty regularly over the past month or two, that about 40 minutes into the trip home in the dark, I experience what feels like the beginning of a panic attack. My pulse increases, I become flushed and afraid. I get this irrational fear that I am going to have a seizure or fall asleep at the wheel, that my car will go off the road, roll, or cause an accident with another car. The past couple times it's happened, I've actually had to fight the urge to stop the car on the median and calm down, and I talk myself through it "you are fine. You're just bored and your mind is wandering. You haven't had a seizure in years."
Related to this, I am sure, is the recurring nightmare I have in which I am blinded in some way and trying to drive a car down a road (do you think my mind is trying to say something about feeling a lack of control? Maybe?)
Also related to this, in a less prominent way, is the fact that at my last doctor's appt, my blood levels came back with my anti-convulsant being level being "lower than the norm."
I have another appt on the 20th of April. I am thinking about asking for a slightly increased dosage of my anti-convulsant, which would still put my script well below what most epileptics take, but may provide me some psychosomatic comfort and increased feeling of control. I would prefer this to having a bottle of anti-anxiety pills thrust into my hands.
Also, I need more audiobooks or something. I honestly think a lot of it centers around driving down the same long, dark stretch of highway for an hour twice a week, and my imagination is turning on me.
On the two days a week I drive into my office instead of working from home, my commute is about 1.5 hours each way. These are the same days I go to school, so normally I get out about 9:15ish and drive home, arriving around 10:30pm.
I have been noticing, sporadically at first but pretty regularly over the past month or two, that about 40 minutes into the trip home in the dark, I experience what feels like the beginning of a panic attack. My pulse increases, I become flushed and afraid. I get this irrational fear that I am going to have a seizure or fall asleep at the wheel, that my car will go off the road, roll, or cause an accident with another car. The past couple times it's happened, I've actually had to fight the urge to stop the car on the median and calm down, and I talk myself through it "you are fine. You're just bored and your mind is wandering. You haven't had a seizure in years."
Related to this, I am sure, is the recurring nightmare I have in which I am blinded in some way and trying to drive a car down a road (do you think my mind is trying to say something about feeling a lack of control? Maybe?)
Also related to this, in a less prominent way, is the fact that at my last doctor's appt, my blood levels came back with my anti-convulsant being level being "lower than the norm."
I have another appt on the 20th of April. I am thinking about asking for a slightly increased dosage of my anti-convulsant, which would still put my script well below what most epileptics take, but may provide me some psychosomatic comfort and increased feeling of control. I would prefer this to having a bottle of anti-anxiety pills thrust into my hands.
Also, I need more audiobooks or something. I honestly think a lot of it centers around driving down the same long, dark stretch of highway for an hour twice a week, and my imagination is turning on me.