Drunken Accusations I Deny
The following are my public defenses against several clearly unfounded accusations lobbied against me (and Styx) by a slightly drunken Roy.
1. I do dance like a hootchie, thank you (no defense there, just proud acceptance)!
2. I have never "eye raped" anyone on Supernatural, in fact I have never "eye raped" anyone. My eyes are not "rapey." Although, to be fair, I have watched segments of the show in slow motion on tivo. But not to be rapey, just admirey.
3. There is nothing wrong with Styx, or with me liking Styx. "Renegade" is a motherfucking good song.
4. I do not have a "thing" for Jared Motherfucking Leto. I am not "madly in love with him." And I will not "run to Jordan Catalano" And I am not "jealous that he's cooler than me." Because he isn't. GODDAMN IT! AAAAARRRRGH!
5. I certainly do not have a thing for Ty Pennington.
6. If I had a dick I would not whip it out in public. I would save that for special private times.
7. I do not have a "thing" for peeing in the yard (this was still part of the "if Amanda had a dick" conversation).
8. I do not secretly or unsecretly like hobbit-based Zepplin songs, nor am I a hobbit. I am not a hobbit! And I am not "protesting too much" about being called a hobbit!
9. I am not less socially awkward than "everyone," in fact I may be moreso, I just don't know when to shut up. That's all. I got foot-in-mouth real bad. For some reason that masks my social awkwardness and just makes me a dick (with no literal dick...see #6).
10. I can't think of another one, but I have that problem with unfinished lists...if I didn't have a 10 here it would keep me up for hours. And that is wrong.
In the interest of full-disclosure, I did not come up with the term "gothopotamus" when I saw a very large goth girl outside of a club on the way home. I'm sure I heard it somewhere. I am, however, taking this opportunity to coin a similar term: hickopotomus! I think it's self explanitory. (The plural is hickopotomi!)
1. I do dance like a hootchie, thank you (no defense there, just proud acceptance)!
2. I have never "eye raped" anyone on Supernatural, in fact I have never "eye raped" anyone. My eyes are not "rapey." Although, to be fair, I have watched segments of the show in slow motion on tivo. But not to be rapey, just admirey.
3. There is nothing wrong with Styx, or with me liking Styx. "Renegade" is a motherfucking good song.
4. I do not have a "thing" for Jared Motherfucking Leto. I am not "madly in love with him." And I will not "run to Jordan Catalano" And I am not "jealous that he's cooler than me." Because he isn't. GODDAMN IT! AAAAARRRRGH!
5. I certainly do not have a thing for Ty Pennington.
6. If I had a dick I would not whip it out in public. I would save that for special private times.
7. I do not have a "thing" for peeing in the yard (this was still part of the "if Amanda had a dick" conversation).
8. I do not secretly or unsecretly like hobbit-based Zepplin songs, nor am I a hobbit. I am not a hobbit! And I am not "protesting too much" about being called a hobbit!
9. I am not less socially awkward than "everyone," in fact I may be moreso, I just don't know when to shut up. That's all. I got foot-in-mouth real bad. For some reason that masks my social awkwardness and just makes me a dick (with no literal dick...see #6).
10. I can't think of another one, but I have that problem with unfinished lists...if I didn't have a 10 here it would keep me up for hours. And that is wrong.
In the interest of full-disclosure, I did not come up with the term "gothopotamus" when I saw a very large goth girl outside of a club on the way home. I'm sure I heard it somewhere. I am, however, taking this opportunity to coin a similar term: hickopotomus! I think it's self explanitory. (The plural is hickopotomi!)