(no subject)
These past 4 days have been crazy. Not all of them were a good kind of crazy, too. I found myself learning a lot about people, and how they are. And how I need to be. And what I want to be, and also avoid.
Wednesday night I went out with girls from ballet, and it was great. We went to this fancy club in Hollywood called My House and Steve Aioki(?) was spinning. I bumped into James Franco and had no idea until afterwards. Paris Hilton had a table in the VIP section and it was really interesting to see that kind of life. After that we got into this high end club that you have to be on the guest list to get into. Then Friday I went out again with the same people and that was good, too. We went to My House, and I got a $500 glass of champagne for free from the Prince of Arabia or something, and then after we went to Bordot(?), danced and ate denny's.
But last night..I don't know. It started out fine, 2 of the same people from the first 2 nights and one other guy, Pontus, who's really nice and also swedish. Anyway that's beside the point. The point was that one of the girls was being really rude that night. And directing it at me. Which is weird because I have only been really nice to her and started to really think of her as a good friend. It stayed that way all night and I couldn't put my fringer on why.
Today I think I know why, though. I think she was getting jealous, you know? She was introducing me to her friends, taking me to really nice clubs where we got to cut in line and go in first, and I don't think she liked the fact that I was getting close to her, and that I liked her friends and that I have fun around them. And i'm so disappointed now, and I hate it. I'm so sad that people have to be this way. And it's sad that making friends isn't that easy, and I learned that I can't always be myself, I have to give people space and play this stupid game of cat and mouse for them to like me. Which is stupid
I don't know, I really only wrote this to kind of sort it all out, because I can't stop thinking about how stupid this makes me feel. And how back home with Megan and I, we met, hung out everyday and we became best friends like over night. And here it's like it Can't be that way. People don't work like that here and it makes me wonder what people must think of me! I'm confused and don't know what to do
And honestly, I don't even like that life that she introduced me to. I like being chill. Watch movies. Go to the beach or a small bar on the pier. So, I don't know. I've got some figuring out to do. Which is why I wrote this to begin with. And if you just read all of this then, well, thanks 'cause this post kind of sucks.