(no subject)
So... I dressed nice today just as a round-about way of seemingly being there with my family today. Perhaps I dressed nice so that I felt nice. It didn't work.
Sometimes someone can just say one thing... one word... one sound that just seems to make everything shitty. That happened today. Just kinda feeling shitty now. I'll do something about it. I have to. I am overwhelmed with guilt. And overwhelmed with this distress inside of me that has never ceased to invade every living moment of my life.
I nearly broke down in class today. Some people... you tell them the most important pieces of your life, share with them the most intimate parts of life and they seem so concerned, and genuine... but they aren't. Its this evil ploy to break people down. To get into their heads... fester... and then ripped them apart from the inside out. To make them question their very existence... what the fuck?
I'm so lost. So thrown for a loop. So close to the edge of nothing. Whats going on in my head?
I'm arguing the strangest points of discussion in psych class... the alternate points I'd normally argue. Where is my rationale? Where is this world's rationale? What is the fuckin point of all of this? Life is a big fuckin' lesson that you never quite get to learn because hey, can't learn shit when you're dead.
Is the point of life to make it out on top? To have the most money? To have to most friends? To have the best body? To say you climbed this and this mountain? To say you suceeded? Maybe life is a fuckin bunch of bullshit. Something for us to do before the whole universe explodes. Just passin time. There is no lesson. There's no point. Its all made up ideas that people want you to invest in... so that they come out on top. Fuck that. Life is ridiculous. Pointless. Lengthy. I'll be the judge of what I'm doing in my life, whether or not I'm doing the right thing, how I want to live and if I want to live it. And if anyone tells me otherwise they can go fuck themselves because its all just bullshit that we are fed so that we don't question the oppressive authority. Don't tell me what to do, whats right and whats wrong, because you don't fuckin know. And just because a mass of people believe the same thing doesn't make it right. I'm right because its what I'm doing for myself. You may be right for what you're doing because its for yourself, but the minute that you label something and put a figure on something you've given in. Im angry.
I don't understand life because its bullshit.
Sometimes someone can just say one thing... one word... one sound that just seems to make everything shitty. That happened today. Just kinda feeling shitty now. I'll do something about it. I have to. I am overwhelmed with guilt. And overwhelmed with this distress inside of me that has never ceased to invade every living moment of my life.
I nearly broke down in class today. Some people... you tell them the most important pieces of your life, share with them the most intimate parts of life and they seem so concerned, and genuine... but they aren't. Its this evil ploy to break people down. To get into their heads... fester... and then ripped them apart from the inside out. To make them question their very existence... what the fuck?
I'm so lost. So thrown for a loop. So close to the edge of nothing. Whats going on in my head?
I'm arguing the strangest points of discussion in psych class... the alternate points I'd normally argue. Where is my rationale? Where is this world's rationale? What is the fuckin point of all of this? Life is a big fuckin' lesson that you never quite get to learn because hey, can't learn shit when you're dead.
Is the point of life to make it out on top? To have the most money? To have to most friends? To have the best body? To say you climbed this and this mountain? To say you suceeded? Maybe life is a fuckin bunch of bullshit. Something for us to do before the whole universe explodes. Just passin time. There is no lesson. There's no point. Its all made up ideas that people want you to invest in... so that they come out on top. Fuck that. Life is ridiculous. Pointless. Lengthy. I'll be the judge of what I'm doing in my life, whether or not I'm doing the right thing, how I want to live and if I want to live it. And if anyone tells me otherwise they can go fuck themselves because its all just bullshit that we are fed so that we don't question the oppressive authority. Don't tell me what to do, whats right and whats wrong, because you don't fuckin know. And just because a mass of people believe the same thing doesn't make it right. I'm right because its what I'm doing for myself. You may be right for what you're doing because its for yourself, but the minute that you label something and put a figure on something you've given in. Im angry.
I don't understand life because its bullshit.