at a crossroads
I find myself at a time in my life where I am looking back at all the people that have been important to me and seeing that they are spread all over the country. I do not have people next door to me that I can run to when I need to vent, I have to do so via the internet or take care of myself. But, as this school year goes by, I feel more comfortable with the people at work, as if I am actually forming some bonds there. This is hard for me. Anybody who truly knows me knows how hard it has always been for me to make and keep friends. I am not skilled in this area. What I miss, however, is a collection of people who I can hang out with on a weekend, to simply do things with. I so look forward to being married, because then I will always have Jay to do things with. I have been thinking about buying a house, which is such a grow up thing to do. Settling down, planning a life. I like it, but I can feel myself less connected to younger versions of myself. This saddens me at the same time that it thrills me. There are so many things that I want to let go of, and yet portions of my past that I do not want to loose. So much of who I am is who I was, and the people that have been important to me. I worry that I will lose all of that if I am not careful. I am not good at keeping up with the news, with keeping in touch. I want to be, but I am not. I also don't make friends like my sister, quickly bonding with new people. I am a slow and steady kind of girl, and once you are my friend you always are. I can't figure out if this is good or bad, but it is the way I work. For better or worse...I am a touch nut to crack.