(no subject)
SO I have been thinking a lot lately about how all of us 20 somethings grew up in a very safe world. In what other generation were people unafraid of an attack on America? The bombing of pearl harbor proved that an outside force could attack us. With the cold war, people lived in fear that the communists would blow us all up with a huge pile of nuclear weapons. But when I was growing up, I didn't know what it was to be afraid. The world (at least the part that I lived in) was safe. People went far away if they were going to be in a war and I liked it that way. We have all been lucky enough to not know what it is like to drill on how to duck and cover (pretending it would save us) at the threat of bombs. I remember desert storm, and it all seemed like a fun patriotic time when we could put ribbons on trees, wave our flags, and sing "I'm proud to be an American."
When 9-11 happened, I have to be honest, I didn't really care that much. Heartless, perhaps, but I had just lost my best friend to something just as violent and far more preventable. I looked at the numbers of people killed in NYC and I said, that still isn't as many people as were killed by drunk drivers this year. The only other people I had know who had died were my grandma and great grandmother. They were old, and I really didn't take part in their funerals. This was definitely a new experience for me, as I am sure it was for everyone else.
A couple of weekends ago, we were sitting around a fire at our cottage and people started talking about rumors that there was going to be another attack on the U.S. soon. I know where they got their ideas, and they stem from information that is almost three years old. The thing that made me stop in my tracks is that people no longer think it is possible that another attack will happen, they expect it. It is not so much the fear of dying that I am afraid of, it is the fact that we are living in fear in this country.
The other day I turned on the computer and saw a headline: A plane heading from LA to London was stopped in Boston because three men were scaring passengers. The truth is that with more fear comes more hysteria. They didn't find anything wrong with these men. My problem is that we have to worry about this sort of thing at all.
The thing that I am realizing is that our generation is not prepared to deal with this sort of world. We were told that we were safe, and the truth is we are not. I still struggle to come to terms with this fact. I struggle with the fact that Anna is gone, that she is not coming back. I remind myself that I can't live my whole life afraid, and that dying would be good in a way because I will see her again when I do. I argue with myself when faced with the belief that only Christians go to heaven because I don't think I ever believed that part and because that means Jay can't come. I struggle because I have to accept that I truly control nothing in my life and yet I feel like I should try. I worry that some day I am going to lose another person that I love and I will not make it through that experience.
Lately I feel overwhelmed by the world. It is probably because I am not working for the first time in four years so I actually have the time to sit and think about things. I am looking forward to getting back to school so that my days will be filled with lesson plans and behavior modification. At least then I will have a distraction. At least then I will not think about all the bad that can happen in a lifetime.
When 9-11 happened, I have to be honest, I didn't really care that much. Heartless, perhaps, but I had just lost my best friend to something just as violent and far more preventable. I looked at the numbers of people killed in NYC and I said, that still isn't as many people as were killed by drunk drivers this year. The only other people I had know who had died were my grandma and great grandmother. They were old, and I really didn't take part in their funerals. This was definitely a new experience for me, as I am sure it was for everyone else.
A couple of weekends ago, we were sitting around a fire at our cottage and people started talking about rumors that there was going to be another attack on the U.S. soon. I know where they got their ideas, and they stem from information that is almost three years old. The thing that made me stop in my tracks is that people no longer think it is possible that another attack will happen, they expect it. It is not so much the fear of dying that I am afraid of, it is the fact that we are living in fear in this country.
The other day I turned on the computer and saw a headline: A plane heading from LA to London was stopped in Boston because three men were scaring passengers. The truth is that with more fear comes more hysteria. They didn't find anything wrong with these men. My problem is that we have to worry about this sort of thing at all.
The thing that I am realizing is that our generation is not prepared to deal with this sort of world. We were told that we were safe, and the truth is we are not. I still struggle to come to terms with this fact. I struggle with the fact that Anna is gone, that she is not coming back. I remind myself that I can't live my whole life afraid, and that dying would be good in a way because I will see her again when I do. I argue with myself when faced with the belief that only Christians go to heaven because I don't think I ever believed that part and because that means Jay can't come. I struggle because I have to accept that I truly control nothing in my life and yet I feel like I should try. I worry that some day I am going to lose another person that I love and I will not make it through that experience.
Lately I feel overwhelmed by the world. It is probably because I am not working for the first time in four years so I actually have the time to sit and think about things. I am looking forward to getting back to school so that my days will be filled with lesson plans and behavior modification. At least then I will have a distraction. At least then I will not think about all the bad that can happen in a lifetime.