This week is off to a horrible start.
The good is always supposed to somehow balance out the bad in life, right? I feel like this week is the opposite.
Good: Scheduled for an additional 9 hours this week.
Bad: Mom's car died.
Good: Mom got her new (used) car she had been waiting on fairly quickly.
Bad: Still no internet at home.
Good: The cashier gave me a free drink at Panera this morning.
Bad: One of our cats died this weekend.
And I guess it's the last one that's tipping the balance. I just feel awful. I've had a lot of experience with death in my life. I've had so many family members that have passed away. So many. I've had a lot of classmates die as well when I was growing up. And I've always handled that well. I've never, ever, been a complete wreck. But this... this is hard. Maybe it's because I've raised her since she was a kitten. And maybe it's because she died right in front of me, and it wasn't an easy death for her. I just - I wouldn't wish that sight on anyone. It just keeps replaying over and over in my mind. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I hear her whining. And it's so hard. My mom is taking it really hard as well. I know that it takes time to move past it, but I'm waiting to not feel like I'm going to throw up all the time. Just that part going away would be enough for me right now.
Good: Scheduled for an additional 9 hours this week.
Bad: Mom's car died.
Good: Mom got her new (used) car she had been waiting on fairly quickly.
Bad: Still no internet at home.
Good: The cashier gave me a free drink at Panera this morning.
Bad: One of our cats died this weekend.
And I guess it's the last one that's tipping the balance. I just feel awful. I've had a lot of experience with death in my life. I've had so many family members that have passed away. So many. I've had a lot of classmates die as well when I was growing up. And I've always handled that well. I've never, ever, been a complete wreck. But this... this is hard. Maybe it's because I've raised her since she was a kitten. And maybe it's because she died right in front of me, and it wasn't an easy death for her. I just - I wouldn't wish that sight on anyone. It just keeps replaying over and over in my mind. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I hear her whining. And it's so hard. My mom is taking it really hard as well. I know that it takes time to move past it, but I'm waiting to not feel like I'm going to throw up all the time. Just that part going away would be enough for me right now.