seriously in need of some sleep
Im sick!!!!!!! Im so exhausted and i cant sleep. its this friggin weather, its to hot. stupid work changed my time table around for this week and next week, grr.... so now im working monday, tuesday, friday, saturday and sunday. and next week im working wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday and sunday, plus monday and tuesday of the following week. working 7 days straight, jeez, people im friggin sick, ive got a head cold. homework is piling up on me, im falling behind by 2 study units. i cant seem to focus on homework right now, im just to stressed out. my step mother died 2 saturdays ago, my dad is having a hard time with the kids, and my baby sister snow-lynn (4) was taken into childrens aid. so i have to go to court on the behalf of my dad and fight for my sister. i can barely support myself, how on earth am i going to support a 4 year old???? well im not sure excatly what is happening. i think im speaking on my dads behalf to say hes a good father and why he deserves my sister? that hes been out of trouble for 12 years and has built his life up and is stable. i dont know even why she was taken away to begin with??? children aid worker came to the hospital 45 mins after my step mother died and took my sister. i think its because my dad doesnt have custody of sister, and my dad and step mom monica were in the middle of a custody agreement. i know she was going to give my dad all rights to my sister temporary. (for reason unknown.) im sure it will all come out in the open sooner or later, but right now my dad is being hush about it. people want to much from me, and expect way to much. i cant do it all!!!! I just cant!!! im only one person, and im limited on money, time and experience. but people just keep on calling on me for friggin help. i normally dont talk about my family problems since its very embarressing and depressing. thats why i try to distance myself from them and do my own thing. but they keep pulling me back in to their headaches. i also think this why im sick, im just wore down. i try to go out even if its 1 hour just to get out of the friggin house and clear my bed, even if its to timmys for a coffee, or to the stupid mall to look in windows. at least im not home drowning in the headaches of my family. i honestly just want to pack up and move and dont keep in touch with them anymore. or just change my number (again) and take some breathing room from them. for the last couple of days ive been ignoring their phone calls, just dont want to hear the bullshit anymore. and when i say i dont care, they give me a guilt trip and make me feel awful and like a disppointment. the truth is i dont care, i honestly dont! and i think i might just tell my dad forget it im not going to court. then again i dont want my sister in the system. i know the feeling and its horrible, to feel abandon......ponders.....rolls eyes and takes a advil.