father, bless me for i have sinned. well what did you do? i poked a badger with a spoon.
so today was loonnnnggggg. my dad got taken to the e.r. b/c he had a terrible, terrible headache and apparently he was bumping into things and had slurred speech and they thought he had a stroke. now they think it was just a migraine, but they kept him overnight anyway. so there was a lot of being on the phone with my mom on and off all day and i finally broke down and wrote mike a letter. it really sucked when all of this was going on and i was really scared and the only person i really wanted was mike. but i couldn't call mike. no, correction, i was capable of calling mike, i just wouldn't. it just occured to me that i can act all "i don't care about that, fuck it" but when something happens in my life that throws me for a loop, he's the first person i think of and it's just not like that anymore. i can't run to him and expect him to help me. and that leaves me feeling really cold.so i wrote him and i layed it out. i basically said what i've been ranting about for the last month and a half, but maturely and calmly and told him that if i wanted to talk to him, i would, if not, don't expect anything from me. and if he doesn't write me back, he doesn't write me back. but at least i sent the letter and it's out there for him to read and think over.but it's bedtime now. i've been up entirely too long.