I missed the Sigur Ros concerts tonight in GR... one reason for my lamentation.
I didn't get to go home this weekend like I had planned, due to the death of my aunt in Alabama. I had worked out my week so that I was free on the weekend and my car was in tip top shape to make the drive home. The trip began to look like a grim idea when by Thursday afternoon I'd still not gotten a new tire or blinker light; there was thunder, lightning, rain, snow, and wind almost all at the same time; and more was predicted for both west and northern michigan. Thursday night, the trip was officially cancelled.
My aunt passed away in the afternoon, after being in the hospital since Monday. She went in with congestive heart failure, which led to something else, and her becoming unconcsious and on a ventilator. They were giving her two days on the ventilator and then my cousin was to decide what to do from there on out. After 48 hours, she was unresponsive when taken off the ventilator.
I wasn't very close to her, mainly because of the distance shared between Michigan and Alabama. My short time of mourning, although the onset was of course for her, the progressive sadness was for my father and that, to my knowledge, my aunt died in the midst of a long-going fight which had not been resolved between her and my father. I can't imagine having someone i love die without them knowning that i loved them. It's a shame.
I feel guilty about not being able to go to the funeral. Mostly because if I weren't going to new york city for break, it would be possible that I would be able to fly down. But what can't be changed, simply can't; and I know I shouldn't feel guilt- but sometimes being convinced by yourself does not work.
I miss people, I don't miss others. I'm angry with people for treating me the way they do, but there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm happier than I've been in an extremely long time, but there's a hole that used to not be present. I want it to go away, but it's nothing I have control over.
My aunt passed away in the afternoon, after being in the hospital since Monday. She went in with congestive heart failure, which led to something else, and her becoming unconcsious and on a ventilator. They were giving her two days on the ventilator and then my cousin was to decide what to do from there on out. After 48 hours, she was unresponsive when taken off the ventilator.
I wasn't very close to her, mainly because of the distance shared between Michigan and Alabama. My short time of mourning, although the onset was of course for her, the progressive sadness was for my father and that, to my knowledge, my aunt died in the midst of a long-going fight which had not been resolved between her and my father. I can't imagine having someone i love die without them knowning that i loved them. It's a shame.
I feel guilty about not being able to go to the funeral. Mostly because if I weren't going to new york city for break, it would be possible that I would be able to fly down. But what can't be changed, simply can't; and I know I shouldn't feel guilt- but sometimes being convinced by yourself does not work.
I miss people, I don't miss others. I'm angry with people for treating me the way they do, but there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm happier than I've been in an extremely long time, but there's a hole that used to not be present. I want it to go away, but it's nothing I have control over.