(no subject)
So I feel the need to write but I'm not quite sure what to write about. I thought alot last night. Mostly about how I'm changing but not really changing more of growing inot myself, I suppose. Like all of a sudden, I'm girly, something I NEVER was. But maybe it's not bad changing. Maybe it's good. And maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about, which is probably the best answer.
I was thinking I had turned into a materialistic bitch, but then I was thinkg about it in a different sense. Yes, I did go out and buy three new necklaces and pairs of earrings just so I could wear them with one outfit each. That makes me sound spoiled and bratty, I think. But then, I thougth about my future and how I used to want a big fancy wedding, with a designer gown and a million people and beautiful bridesmaids. And after, I wanted a bigt house, with spoiled kids. But what I never thought about when I was younger, was the person I was going to married. I had the bridesmaids planned and the kids names, but never the person on the otehr side. And as I started thinkg about that, I realized that now, none of that means a damn thing as long as the right person is teh one I'm marrying. I don't care about the dresses or the house, as long as I'm marrying the person I love. So maybe I'm not as materialistic as I thought. Or maybe they are completley unrealted and I again, make no sense.
I finally made a resolution last night. I am not going to compete for anyone but myself. I'm sick of thinking I have to beat everyone. From now on, I'm going to try my best because I want to, not because I need to prove myself. I told that to Kellie and she said she was happy about that. Earlier in the realtionship, I used to try and prove myself to her and she hated it. Now, I'm going to excel in what I want to because I want to. We'll see how long that lasts.
So contrary to my thinking being so negative, I've actually been in a really good mood. Hmm...
I think that's all, thought I'm sure there will be more. Just a matter of time, eh?
I was thinking I had turned into a materialistic bitch, but then I was thinkg about it in a different sense. Yes, I did go out and buy three new necklaces and pairs of earrings just so I could wear them with one outfit each. That makes me sound spoiled and bratty, I think. But then, I thougth about my future and how I used to want a big fancy wedding, with a designer gown and a million people and beautiful bridesmaids. And after, I wanted a bigt house, with spoiled kids. But what I never thought about when I was younger, was the person I was going to married. I had the bridesmaids planned and the kids names, but never the person on the otehr side. And as I started thinkg about that, I realized that now, none of that means a damn thing as long as the right person is teh one I'm marrying. I don't care about the dresses or the house, as long as I'm marrying the person I love. So maybe I'm not as materialistic as I thought. Or maybe they are completley unrealted and I again, make no sense.
I finally made a resolution last night. I am not going to compete for anyone but myself. I'm sick of thinking I have to beat everyone. From now on, I'm going to try my best because I want to, not because I need to prove myself. I told that to Kellie and she said she was happy about that. Earlier in the realtionship, I used to try and prove myself to her and she hated it. Now, I'm going to excel in what I want to because I want to. We'll see how long that lasts.
So contrary to my thinking being so negative, I've actually been in a really good mood. Hmm...
I think that's all, thought I'm sure there will be more. Just a matter of time, eh?