Fanfic: Maybe Baby
Chapter 2
Arthur gave Merlin ‘time’ for two days before Gaius came on the second night to inform him that Merlin was not even letting his old mentor in to see him in two long days. He’d barricaded himself in his room effectively it seemed and wasn’t even eating.
Arthur was furious and it required the collective efforts of Gaius, Gwaine and Lancelot to stay him for that night.
Merlin on the other hand had barred the door with magic as soon as he’d become coherent enough for actions and then lost himself to the despair that consumed him.Why did all these things always happen to him? At first he’d been furious and disbelieving and muttered his revelation spell only to find the life taking form in his body.After that he’d did it another twenty times before he’d been convinced by the heart beat of the child inside him drumming in his ears like horrid thunder. He couldn’t even bring himself to think of destroying it, it would be easy of course with his magic, he could crush the child’s life inside him as surely as he’d felled harmful sorcerers aiming for Arthur’s life.
But all he could feel at even the thought of that was a horrible wrongness and eventhough he hated being in this situation he could not, he could never destroy it.
The first day he didn’t give a thought to anyone else as he wallowed in the supreme shame and rage at his predicament. He’d managed to fall asleep after exhausting himself with his tears and then the second day he’d arisen with the nausea and it all came crashing back so quickly he had to take a deep breath for a moment to calm himself and not bring the castle down around him with the force of his magic.
Then there came the fear, what if Arthur suspected now? Merlin couldn’t fathom how he would explain his condition to Arthur, he couldn’t fool Arthur now with a half arsed lie like always, did Arthur suspect him of using magic to get pregnant? Was he going to be thrown into the dungeons as soon as he deigned to open the door? His worries grew as the day progressed and there was no sign of Arthur having set the royal guards on his person. Gaius came knocking three times but Merlin refused to open the door not wanting to see his mentor now. Merlin knew from Gaius’ irritated tone with him the other day that his mentor was not very happy with him at the moment, and the last thing Merlin wanted to face today was Gaius’ disappointment in him.
The third day there were heavy footfalls an hour after Merlin woke up and the door opened with a bang. There was no time for him to wonder why his magic had failed him as Arthur was standing in the doorway with a thunderous expression on his face. Was he going to receive the special treatment of Arthur escorting him to the dungeons because of his lies?
Merlin gulped in fear as Arthur stood there, and he looked very very angry.
Merlin shrank back and made to move on his small cot as Arthur advanced but before he could topple off and fall on his back Arthur caught him tightly by the arms and shook him fiercely.
“What the hell Merlin?” Arthur screamed and Merlin had tears in his eyes and couldn’t get any words out if he could help it.
Strangely to Merlin Arthur’s eyes softened and he relaxed his grip on Merlin but held his gaze, Merlin averted his eyes too scared by the intensity of those eyes looking at him like Arthur knew every little secret Merlin carried.
Arthur left him alone then and started pacing the room angrily, like a lion prowling before it caught its prey.
“Locking yourself here for two days Merlin!” Arthur shouted and when Merlin still looked entranced like he didn’t quite know where he was Arthur balled his fists in his hands and started pacing again.
Arthur looked like when he wanted to pummel someone to the ground and yet could not, he was restraining himself and Merlin didn’t know whether to be relieved or to run.
“Two days, without food in your condition, did you even consider that you’re carrying my heir Merlin? DID YOU?” screamed Arthur and Merlin finally thought that this may not be about what he’d initially feared, it seemed that despite Merlin being pregnant, Arthur didn’t suspect magic.
However what came out of Merlin’s mouth finally was, “It’s not your heir.”
Arthur stopped pacing and looked at Merlin his mouth set and eyes afire, Merlin was trapped in Arthur’s arms before he even registered the movement, “What the hell do you mean by that? Of course it is mine or…..” Arthur looked at him with a furious glare that spoke of torture should he answer wrong, “were you fucking someone else?”
Merlin shook his head too horrified to even think of the implications of Arthur’s question and said “No you prat! Not only did you get me with child but now you’re accusing of cuckolding you, seriously?”
Arthur looked contrite but then he regained whatever anger had made him rush all the way here to Merlin’s room this early in the morning, he snapped “You said it wasn’t my heir, you dimwit, what did you expect me to think?”
Merlin honestly did not have the energy for one of their verbal cock fights this morning but it was Arthur and Merlin couldn’t help retorting, “You’re the dimwit sire, it’s not your heir, it’s a bastard is what it is!”
Arthur drew in a sharp breath before he said in a softer tone, “Don’t say that, he’s….he or she will be my heir, don’t ever call them bastard Merlin.”
Merlin sighed now, it was just like Arthur to think he could escape centuries old conviction, “But it’s what it is Arthur…..you might as well accept it now than later.”
“No Merlin….no I will not let that happen…..” Arthur’s tone was firm and his eyes were sure and Merlin sighed internally knowing there was no arguing with Arthur when he was like this.
“Now as you’ve once again proved how much of an idiot you are I’ve taken the liberty of asking the maids to bring food.”
Merlin frowned and tried to protest angry that Arthur was taking control of his life like he didn’t have a choice in the matter but before Merlin could say much Arthur put his hands to Merlin’s mouth effectively blocking anything he could say.
“You will eat Merlin or so help me I will feed it to you.”
Arthur sat there with Merlin on his little cot too close for comfort and kept watch until Merlin finished the entire plate of biscuits and nuts and milk, only when the tray was empty did Arthur leave him with a promise to make Merlin eat if he wasn’t doing it by himself.
Merlin thought that was the end of it but as a week passed and Merlin came out more and did chores for Arthur the Prince became unbearable.
After he knew Merlin was pregnant with his child Arthur was just a tad too overbearing, positively neurotic in fact where Merlin’s safety was concerned and Merlin and Arthur had had one too many screaming matches, the maids all having a ton to gossip about the Prince and his lover finally.
Arthur for his part could not conceive how Merlin thought him overprotective, if Merlin hadn’t possessed such an abysmal sense of self preservation Arthur wouldn’t have to compensate.
If he polished swords Arthur feared he’d cut himself open somehow and bleed to death, if he’d stand in the sun for too long watching the knights practice Arthur feared he’d faint out of heat exhaustion and it was a fair concern too seeing as Merlin had fainted once already, if he shined boots or cleaned the fireplace Arthur feared he’d get sick with a horrid cold and become bedridden, and heaven ever forbid Merlin carrying bath water or bath tubs or heavy armor while he was pregnant with ARTHUR’S CHILD, he was in no position whatsoever to carry anything and he was giving Arthur a panic attack every time he went and did something completely stupid.
Merlin almost tripping on the staircases while he was carrying some of Arthur’s laundry was the last straw for Arthur and now there were two guards who dogged Merlin’s every step when Arthur himself was occupied and could not do the job himself.
Merlin became more and more annoyed and miserable and even threw things at Arthur when they had one of their raging fights, however no goblet or wayward boot was thrown at Merlin’s head and instead Arthur only ducked and continued fighting with Merlin.
This was one such time when Merlin had had enough!
“SHUT UP ARTHUR! I should have never ever let you fuck me you gigantic prat!” Merlin screamed and Arthur looked taken aback for a minute that Merlin had mentioned the enormous elephant that they’d conveniently ignored for this long.
“Well it wasn’t like you weren’t begging for it Merlin!”
Merlin glared and Arthur glared back, “I WAS NOT BEGGING FOR IT” that was all the wit Merlin could manage in his climbing fury.
Arthur made a rude gesture before imitating in a high voice “Arthur, Arthur, please please fuck me….Arthur don’t stop….pleaseee” Arthur whined the last bit making Merlin blush beet red and turn his head away in an effort to hide it which only managed to make his reddening ears more obvious.
“You’re such a prat” Merlin spat before turning around and letting himself out of Arthur’s room as quickly as his feet would take him.
Merlin sulked sitting in one of the palace gardens bench when Lancelot came upon him. Merlin tensed as he heard footsteps thinking that Arthur had come hunting for him but when he saw it was Lancelot he relaxed.
Lance came over with a smile when he saw it was Merlin, “Hello Merlin, what are you doing out here in the cold?”
It was nearing winter now and Merlin did feel a bit chilled but he couldn’t refrain from snapping “Not you too Lance, I’m not the slightest bit cold.”
Lance looked taken aback before realization sank in and he sat close to Merlin. They remained quiet for awhile before Lance said, “You know Merlin he’s only concerned for you”
Merlin took a long moment before he replied unsure and hating the way his insecurities must be so obvious to Lancelot, “Me or the baby Lance?”
Lance looked understanding and put his arms around Merlin and Merlin was thankful to note there was no pity in his eyes.
“He cares for you greatly Merlin….surely you must know that, he’s perhaps a bit pompous sometimes but he….you mean the world to him Merlin, it’s always been obvious to everyone except you and him….”
“Bit pompous?” Merlin asked incredulously and they both chuckled good naturedly.
“Well that’s certainly debatable…..”
Then Merlin seemed to collect himself as the same time his mind hit upon a revelation, “You said everyone, did Gwen know too?”
Merlin knew Arthur had ended things with Gwen and Gwen was not so very forthcoming to him anymore, they talked of course but it was painfully awkward and not at all like what they used to be and Merlin mourned the loss of a friend such as Guinevere.
Lance hesitated but said “I can’t say I’m intelligent enough to understand the workings of the mind of a lady like her Merlin but yes I suspect she knew.”
Merlin smiled, Lance was always so self deprecating, even after all these years and even after he’d become knighted, Merlin chastised, “You’re plenty intelligent for anyone and most especially for Gwen because she’d been dealing with Arthur for so long she must find you to be a complete scholar.”
“Nonsense Merlin, Arthur is abundantly clever….he has a great head for battle strategy and no one has ever beaten him in chess so far, in fact it was he who suspected you to be pregnant at first, it was his suggestion that made Gaius suspicious too….”
Merlin looked around cautiously, it still wasn’t a very known thing that Merlin was pregnant with Arthur’s child among the castle’s inhabitants and though they were speculating about how Merlin and Arthur had finally become bedmates they hadn’t hit close to the truth yet about Merlin’s condition.
Merlin did find the information stunning after Lance told him, “How….how could he then not suspect me of….you know…” Merlin waved his fingers and Lance nodded understanding.
“I don’t know Merlin….being honest you’re not that good at hiding it either, either he trusts you too much to even think of it or he’s being selectively blind to you using magic right under his nose….”
Merlin didn’t know which option he favored, the first one meant Arthur would see it as a betrayal and Merlin would loose Arthur perhaps forever and the second was just too confusing to even consider.
Lance took Merlin’s hands in his and exclaimed “You are cold” a tad accusingly and Merlin supposed that he was, now that he’d been made aware of it, his hands felt like ice and Lance rubbed them and blew air on them making Merlin erupt in goose bumps at the sudden warmth.
“You’re all too much like your Prince these days where it concerns me, I’m not sick you know….just loaded with a little brat.”
“Don’t know if Arthur would like you calling his child as a brat”
“Arthur doesn’t get any say in what I call it, it’s my child too”
Lance looked up sharply and Merlin realized what he’d said, it was the first time he was acknowledging the child as his own vocally to someone else, until now he’d been calling his baby ‘it’ or ‘Arthur’s brat’ when the growing child inconvenienced him in some way or the other.
Lance smiled and there seemed to be a mixture of joy and relief in his face and Merlin shared the feeling too.
“I’m surprised he hasn’t come looking for me actually” said Merlin feeling miffed despite himself that Arthur hadn’t come looking for him.
“Actually he has….and he looks like he wants to kill me…” said Lance and Merlin turned to where Lance was looking and sure enough it was Arthur who was striding towards them with a menacing expression on his face.
“What do you mean? He probably wants to kill me” stated Merlin.
Lance looked chagrined before he pointed not so subtly to Merlin’s hands in his, “I’m dreading practice tomorrow Merlin, he’s possessive of you and he wouldn’t take kindly to me having a tete a tete with you.”
Merlin was about to reply that Lance was being ridiculous and of course Arthur was not possessive of him of all people but then Arthur reached them and his glare was directed entirely at Lancelot this time.
“Lancelot” Arthur gritted it out coldly like Lance’s name was a curse and Merlin frowned entirely ready to berate Arthur for being so blatantly rude to one of his most loyal knights.
Lance dropped Merlin’s hands and muttered, “My apologies sire…” before he hurried away and Arthur glared at his back until he disappeared from view.
Merlin threw his hands up in the air, “What is wrong with you? First you get angry at me and then now at Lancelot of all people? What has he ever done to you?”
Merlin plain refused to entertain the thought that Arthur could be jealous of Lancelot because of Merlin, it was just too ludicrous, if anything he was probably angry about Gwen and didn’t that thought send a knife stabbing straight through Merlin’s heart.
Arthur looked at him then and snapped “Of course Lancelot could do no wrong in your eyes Merlin”
“He doesn’t deserve you’re ire”
Arthur came near to him then and hissed “Oh I’ll decide what he does and doesn’t deserve Merlin, what were you doing with him anyway?”
“We were talking”
“Looked like a lot more than talking to me”
“I’m not Gwen!” Merlin quipped and he was rewarded with Arthur shutting up for once.
“I know Merlin….but you’re both entirely too gullible, now come away from this dreadful cold; you’ll catch your death!”
Arthur pulled him up and Merlin followed and they bickered all the way up to the castle.
“What do you see in Lancelot anyway?”
“Well since you asked, he’s a lot nicer than you!”
“Nice Merlin? He’s nice to the point of being boring.”
“Oh yes being boring is a more heinous offense than being say…a prat all the time.”
“I’d bet you’d be bored to tears if you ever have to put up with him all day like you do me.”
“No I would not!”
“Yes you would, you red cheeked little sass! You need a person like me to tame you.”
It was said in the heat of the moment but both Merlin and Arthur flushed and turned their heads away from each other. The massive elephant was sitting quite staunchly between them now and as both of them remembered their passionate night together and pined neither of them had the courage to take this forward and the elephant remained quite happily.
“Anyway I am a better knight and I’m a Prince, so I beat him hands down Merlin.”
“You’re a brute and a Prat is what you are!”
“I’m still better than him!”
“No you are not”
“Yes I am”
It went on and on and on and the castle’s guards smirked as the Prince and his manservant passed them exchanging heated words.
Things went on quite normally for some weeks then until Merlin’s magic started to go haywire. His morning sickness was disappearing and he was finally having a healthy appetite and eating like a horse but then on one fine day his hair had turned into a ghastly shade of wheat and no matter what he tried it didn’t change back into its usual raven color.
And it didn’t help that Arthur was close to him all the time now and could come upon him any moment and Merlin could not explain why his locks had suddenly turned dirty blonde.
Merlin rushed out of his rooms and Gaius looked up from the book he was reading only to drop it in shock.
“What have you done Merlin?” Gaius asked with the air of impatience.
“I didn’t Gaius, it’s my magic….I can’t change it back.”
Gaius frowned, he came forward and felt Merlin’s hair with his fingers finding this intriguing indeed. “Hmm…interesting” he muttered.
Merlin remembered it was Gaius and that he could not slap Gaius’ hands away because it would be disrespectful, still his tone was harsh when he said “Gaius! How will I explain this to Arthur?”
Gaius now looked at Merlin in concern, “It does look too ghastly for him to miss…perhaps we can die it for the time being.”
Too late they realized as the door opened to admit Arthur inside arms laden with an old fur coat of his.
Arthur’s jaw dropped once he saw Merlin and Merlin couldn’t help but self consciously cover his hair with his hands.
“Merlin, what the devil did you do to your hair?”
“Ehmm” Merlin looked wide eyed and his eyes darted around trying to find a way to explain his sudden change of hair color.
“I died it”
“You died it?” Arthur enunciated every word slowly like he couldn’t believe how dim Merlin was.
Merlin regained his resolve, after all he had bluffed his way through many a situation like this, he smiled wide and gormless as Arthur rolled his eyes, “Yes….yes…you see I wanted a change so I died it”
“Well take it off Merlin, it looks ugly.”
“ARTHUR!” Gaius exclaimed and Arthur spread his hands in a ‘what’ gesture.
“Well it is Gaius….and how did you even die it to look so ghastly a color? I’ve heard of no die that could make black hair so….” Well Arthur couldn’t describe the color as anything other than completely hideous and he didn’t think Gaius would appreciate him being honest this time around.
Merlin floundered and Gaius said “It’s from a foreign country sire, you see they’ve found a plant whose sap can turn black hair into….well….this” Gaius indicated to Merlin’s hair. “And it was I who wanted to experiment to see if it really worked and well…it seems it did” stated Gaius primly.
Arthur looked flabbergasted for a minute before saying “WAIT….did you say you used this foreign plant to EXPERIMENT on Merlin? It could be poisonous! It could give him hives for all you know Gaius! How could you do this?” Arthur’s voice rose a decibel with every sentence and finally he was all out shouting and looking at Gaius angrily.
“Arthur, calm down! It’s just a harmless plant!” Merlin beseeched.
“It was once a plant that almost cost you your life, you fool!” Arthur screamed as Merlin remembered drinking poison for the Prince and the Morteus flower that was put in the cup to poison him.
“Arthur, I don’t exactly look like I’m poisoned do I?” Merlin reasoned stepping closer to Arthur hoping Arthur would calm down and stop glaring angrily at Gaius like he wanted to kill the royal physician, poor Gaius who had to take the blame for Merlin’s imprudent and impertinent magic.
Arthur faltered when Merlin caught his hand in his hoping to reassure him that everything was fine, Arthur sighed as the tension drained out of him and said “No you just look like a very blond feathered hideous chicken”
Merlin smacked Arthur’s arm for that and Arthur hissed saying “That was unwarranted! And do wash it off as soon as you are able Merlin, I rather like your raven hair.”
Merlin smirked crossing his arms in front of his chest, “Do you now?”
Arthur narrowed his eyes and quipped “Well atleast that color made you look like a startled crow instead of a ghastly chicken!”
Gaius cleared his throat knowing the two men were once again disappearing off to their own realm forgetting other people’s existence in the world.
Arthur was smiling and so was Merlin and neither seemed too prone to blushing in shame or breaking their moment anytime soon so Gaius interjected loudly, “Merlin, you should probably get to picking those herbs I mentioned.”
Merlin finally looked away from Arthur to Gaius and sighed nodding his head, his old mentor still didn’t approve of Arthur and Merlin having buggered each other and Merlin being pregnant.
Arthur too drew himself back, “Ah Merlin, I brought this for you.” He handed the old fur coat he was having in his arms to Merlin and Merlin took it with a grateful nod, it was getting rather cold these days and the thin jacket Merlin owned didn’t keep the cold away and he kept shivering whenever he had to go outside to run an errand for the Prince or Gaius.
Thankfully the next day Merlin’s hair turned back to its normal raven color and Arthur gave him a pleased nod when he delivered the Prince’s breakfast which they both shared these days, Arthur sacrificing a large portion of his food for Merlin.
And then it was small things at first, like the chainmail cleaning itself with the oil and rag when Merlin was too tired to do anything, the way his room seemed impossibly warm instead of the icy cold bite of the winter, something he wanted to eat very badly appearing out of thin air when it was not the season for it.
All these things were making his predicament easier to bear with so Merlin thought nothing of it when his magic didn’t obey him like always; he reasoned his magic was just protecting him and his child.
And then it became worse, he’d feel this strange twinge whenever he was around Arthur and random things started to levitate in the air when the Prince’s back was turned and he was talking to Merlin. One day they were in Arthur’s room and Merlin found the scant old armor collection Arthur had hanging above the fire place start to levitate and move about the room.
“And this is not even the time or the place for Lord Eldred to talk about such negotiations Merlin…I mean I know my father’s not himself but to assume that I’d just usurp the throne when he’s still breathing….Merlin? Are you even listening to me?”
Merlin’s eyes were glued to the pieces of shield floating merrily in the air and for a moment he panicked, “Hmm what?” he asked and Arthur huffed.
“What are you even looking at?” Arthur went to turn back but before he could Merlin grabbed Arthur by his shirt and pulled him close to himself in a desperate attempt to prevent him from seeing.
Arthur evidently lost all interest about ranting to Merlin about stupid old councilmen and about whatever had Merlin so interested than listening to his Prince.
Merlin was acutely aware of how close he was to the Prince now and as Arthur stared at him with those blue soulful eyes Merlin found himself equally lost and he stared back with abandon.
“Merlin….” Arthur murmured, fingers making their way into Merlin’s hair and pulling gently.
Merlin could feel Arthur’s hot breath on his lips and they were so close that Arthur only had to tilt his head and their lips would meet, however a loud clanging of armor hitting the floor made them both break apart suddenly and Arthur looked around at the scattered old armor and felt bewildered.
“What the….” Arthur was shocked and Merlin’s mind jumped as he tried to come up with ways to explain, ways to lie lie lie, always lie to Arthur.
Arthur looked at Merlin and then gestured for him to be quiet by putting his finger on his lips, he turned around the surveyed the room and grabbed his sword from the dining table before thoroughly scouting his rooms and then outside the window looking at the courtyard below.
Merlin’s heart beat a frantic rhythm in his chest as Arthur frowned and turned back to him, “It’s never fallen before….”
“Maybe it was a wind or something….” Merlin’s voice wavered and Arthur snorted in disbelief.
“No Merlin, I suspect there might be a sorcerer in the castle….working for Morgana maybe, strange things have been happening lately…and I just…I just know it’s the doing of sorcery.”
Arthur spat the last word and Merlin gulped wondering how long he had before Arthur inevitably figured things out on his own.
That night Merlin had no sleep as he tossed and turned, what would Arthur do if he knew? He could have escaped Camelot and ran to Ealdor but it was winter now and Merlin knew he wouldn’t survive in such a harsh weather out on his own, even his magic wasn’t powerful enough to sustain him through the journey and Arthur would have the entire Camelot’s army on his heels should he escape his sight with his precious heir.
Merlin went to Gaius the next day and told him of the strange magical mishaps and of how Arthur was suspicious of harboring an enemy sorcerer inside Camelot.
“There’s no other way Merlin, you must just not be in his presence at all then. I can’t give you anything to control your magic; it might cause the child harm.”
Avoiding Arthur though was easier said than done, now that Merlin had a little bump to show for being pregnant Arthur constantly wanted to see Merlin all times of the day. He’d turn up in Merlin’s room unannounced after practice or after a council meeting and sometimes even in the early morn when the entire castle was asleep.
He’d wake Merlin up with the racket he made or atleast when he palpated Merlin’s little bump with his sword calloused rough hands. He’d rub Merlin’s stomach and Merlin would wake feeling grumpy about being woken up but all his ire vanished when he saw the soft look on Arthur’s face and Merlin would bear it and put his hands on top of Arthur’s to stay it from moving and making other places in Merlin’s body take interest.
When Merlin’s magic got too difficult to control to the point that he set random things on fire and made an entire wardrobe disappear Merlin thought enough was enough.
He’d said he was too tired to work any longer and just wanted to rest in his rooms from now on and Arthur complied looking only too happy that he’d gotten what he’d wanted all along, he’d rest easy knowing Merlin was not doing the many hazardous tasks that he insisted on doing everyday even if Arthur deliberately told him not to.
Inside the physician’s chambers however Merlin and Gaius were loosing their heads trying to control Merlin’s wild magic which had taken a mind of its own and did as it pleased. The only time Merlin felt it settle was when he was with Arthur and whenever Arthur was not around Merlin could never tell when there would be an accident, he’d set fire to so many things in his rooms that he was afraid to sleep alone in it any longer without the fear of accidentally burning himself and his child to death.
His belly grew and now the outline of it was visible to anyone who knew to look closely. That was another fear he carried, neither Arthur nor Merlin wanted anyone to find out about Merlin’s pregnancy, Uther may not be lucid now but the idea of a male being pregnant with the Prince’s child was so absurd and no doubt many would suspect sorcery was involved, it was a miracle that Arthur had not deduced it by now but Merlin didn’t think the older and paranoid members of the council would think a second before they condemned Merlin for sorcery and burnt him in a pyre.
Somehow his magic did settle when he was around Arthur so that there was no erstwhile floating objects or curtains alighting on fire whenever Arthur was present with him.
Merlin felt relieved as he knew he couldn’t keep Arthur away from him even if he wanted to. Arthur was insistent on seeing him everyday and spent atleast two meals with him and Gaius.
Merlin’s appetite had waned again as his anxiousness grew and Arthur observed all this too keenly and kept trying to feed him enough to satisfy himself.
Keeping all these secrets and his haywire magic in as much control as was possible for him now was taking such a toll on Merlin that it started showing.
Gaius was constantly frowning and worrying about him now, Arthur became more protective than ever asking Merlin if he was alright a dozen times everyday.
Lancelot tried to be there for him as much as he could comforting him and calming him when Merlin felt like he’d go mad with it all.
Something’s got to give however and it was a very dull and ordinary day in which Arthur finally found out about Merlin’s magic.
It was the most stupid thing that made Merlin get caught, back when he was just a servant to Arthur and did magical feats trying to save the Prince he’d always imagined that he’d reveal himself to Arthur when he was careless and in dire need to protect his Prince, then atleast he would have proved that he was on Arthur’s side, that his magic was all for Arthur, everything for Arthur.
He’d been going completely barmy with all the boredom that he’d gone to Arthur’s rooms and found on the table chainmail which was unclean and rusting. Merlin had scowled and muttered curses about the new serving boy who was so incompetent, Arthur may say a lot of things about Merlin’s abysmal skills as a servant but Merlin had never ever let Arthur’s chainmail rust, he knew how important it was in protecting Arthur from the dangers which he insisted on putting himself in whether it be a tournament or a bandit attack or war.
He polished with his hands for awhile but then his magic started doing it for him and after one too many attempts trying to rein it back in Merlin gave up and just watched, he knew Arthur wasn’t due to arrive anytime soon from the Knight’s drills and he’d locked the door for good measure.
However Merlin’s magic had this habit of fucking up where Arthur was concerned, after all he did end up pregnant with Arthur’s child so Arthur met no resistance when he opened the door to his chambers and the squeaking of a hinge was all the warning Merlin had before Arthur came in and took in the scene in front of him.
And what a scene it was, Merlin looking wide eyed and shocked like a thief caught red handed, the chainmail floating in mid air in front of Merlin and the oil and rag floating close by as the rag ran over the chainmail up and down in a rather languid motion pretty unaware of the tension in the room and not responding to Merlin’s desperate plea to ‘stop’.
Arthur looked shattered and he visibly tried to hold himself together as he crossed his arms in front of his torso, “It’s you…you’re….a sorcerer?’ the last word was doubtful but how could Arthur not see now when it was so obvious.
An array of expressions quickly passed over Arthur’s face, shock, confusion, disbelief, hurt then finally anger. Arthur’s eyes burned with fury and his glare had the force of an angry god who’d been unwittingly awakened and his wrath was directed entirely upon Merlin.
Merlin stood up eyes tearing as he stuttered, “Arthur….Arthur….I can explain”
“SHUT UP!” Arthur roared and Merlin backed away as Arthur took quick strides, caught him tight in his painful grip and shook him.
“Have you ensorcelled me? Was this all a ploy to make me bend to your will? ARE YOU WORKING FOR MORGANA?”
Arthur was screaming and Merlin cast a silencing spell, he couldn’t afford for the guards to show up and report any of this to the King.
“Arthur, no! I’d never….” Words failed Merlin when he most wanted to express them, fear choking his heart and tears clouding his vision at the hatred he saw in Arthur’s eyes, Arthur hated him now.
Arthur shoved him off and Merlin landed against the wall with a painful sound as Arthur turned away from him and then turned back, “Did you let me impregnate you so that you can have the throne when Morgana killed me? Hmm? DID YOU?”
Merlin’s eyes scrunched up and his mouth twisted in agony, that Arthur thought him capable of such treachery hurt beyond anything Merlin had ever imagined.
“It would be so convenient too wouldn’t it Merlin? Since you are carrying the heir and my father’s mentally deteriorated….it would all be yours if you got me out of the way!”
“I NEVER WANTED YOUR STUPID THRONE ARTHUR! I COULD HAVE HAD IT YEARS AGO IF I REALLY WANTED TO!” Merlin screamed now unable to take all the hurtful accusations being hurled at his way.
“THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT SORCEROR? All of you seem to want something nefarious from Camelot or me anyway!”
“I just wanted to keep you safe!”
“Keep me safe?” Arthur mocked skeptic, “You’re a sorcerer and you wanted to keep me safe? What do you take me for Merlin? A fool?”
Arthur then started laughing hysterically and without any humor and Merlin shrank back as he approached Merlin, “Oh you must have thought me a fool, such a fool….foolish to have believed in you blindly, foolish to have trusted you so completely, foolish Arthur who could be played anyway you wanted to, you were never going to tell me, were you?” the last words were uttered so quietly and with so much betrayed sorrow that made Merlin want to weep.
“I wanted to tell you….everyday I…”
“LIAR!” Arthur screamed and dragged Merlin up from where he’d been slumped against the wall. “ALL YOU SAY ARE LIES! Tell me Merlin, have you ever been truthful to me once in these years we’ve known one another?”
“Yes I have….Arthur…Arthur I love you, my magic…I use it to protect you….I could never harm you, I’d rather die myself than see you come to harm…”
“How could you say you love me when you’ve lied to me and betrayed my trust for years Merlin? How could you?” Arthur’s eyes were cold and impenetrable and he shoved Merlin away a final time, his expression was one of pure distaste and disgust when he laid eyes upon Merlin.
“GET OUT!”
“Arthur…Arthur please hear me out….”
“GET OUT SORCEROR!”
“I’m still the same MERLIN!” Merlin’s cheeks were red with tears and his body heavy with exhaustion but he still gripped tightly onto Arthur’s arms as he pleaded, “I was born with magic Arthur, I didn’t have a choice in it and I’ve always always used it to help you…Arthur please…please listen to me”
Arthur’s body was coiled tight with tension and Merlin waited while holding onto Arthur’s arms as Arthur closed his eyes and breathed out heavily.
Finally after what seemed like decades to Merlin Arthur opened his eyes and pulled Merlin’s hands away from him, Arthur’s eyes betrayed no emotion when he looked at Merlin finally and said “Get out now Merlin, I do not want to talk to you now.”
Merlin let his hands fall to his sides and an anguished sob escaped as he leaned away from Arthur, in a whisper he asked “What are you going to do to me now?”
Arthur looked up properly at Merlin at that, his face displaying confusion until Merlin clarified, “Am I to be burnt or beheaded?”
Arthur’s eyes bulged and his jaw dropped as he flinched away from Merlin looking so shocked that for a moment Merlin felt ashamed at having put it so bluntly, but he couldn’t bring himself to rephrase it as if that was to be his fate Merlin wanted to know.
“Do you really think I’d hurt you so Merlin? Is that all the faith you have in me?” Arthur’s eyes were tormented and glassy with tears.
“Arthur…I…”
“Leave me Merlin”
“Arthur….I’m sorry….I….”
“LEAVE ME, I BEG YOU! LEAVE!” Arthur pleaded and Merlin could do nothing but back away and run as fast as he could, tears blinding his vision and chest heavy with pain.
Arthur gave Merlin ‘time’ for two days before Gaius came on the second night to inform him that Merlin was not even letting his old mentor in to see him in two long days. He’d barricaded himself in his room effectively it seemed and wasn’t even eating.
Arthur was furious and it required the collective efforts of Gaius, Gwaine and Lancelot to stay him for that night.
Merlin on the other hand had barred the door with magic as soon as he’d become coherent enough for actions and then lost himself to the despair that consumed him.Why did all these things always happen to him? At first he’d been furious and disbelieving and muttered his revelation spell only to find the life taking form in his body.After that he’d did it another twenty times before he’d been convinced by the heart beat of the child inside him drumming in his ears like horrid thunder. He couldn’t even bring himself to think of destroying it, it would be easy of course with his magic, he could crush the child’s life inside him as surely as he’d felled harmful sorcerers aiming for Arthur’s life.
But all he could feel at even the thought of that was a horrible wrongness and eventhough he hated being in this situation he could not, he could never destroy it.
The first day he didn’t give a thought to anyone else as he wallowed in the supreme shame and rage at his predicament. He’d managed to fall asleep after exhausting himself with his tears and then the second day he’d arisen with the nausea and it all came crashing back so quickly he had to take a deep breath for a moment to calm himself and not bring the castle down around him with the force of his magic.
Then there came the fear, what if Arthur suspected now? Merlin couldn’t fathom how he would explain his condition to Arthur, he couldn’t fool Arthur now with a half arsed lie like always, did Arthur suspect him of using magic to get pregnant? Was he going to be thrown into the dungeons as soon as he deigned to open the door? His worries grew as the day progressed and there was no sign of Arthur having set the royal guards on his person. Gaius came knocking three times but Merlin refused to open the door not wanting to see his mentor now. Merlin knew from Gaius’ irritated tone with him the other day that his mentor was not very happy with him at the moment, and the last thing Merlin wanted to face today was Gaius’ disappointment in him.
The third day there were heavy footfalls an hour after Merlin woke up and the door opened with a bang. There was no time for him to wonder why his magic had failed him as Arthur was standing in the doorway with a thunderous expression on his face. Was he going to receive the special treatment of Arthur escorting him to the dungeons because of his lies?
Merlin gulped in fear as Arthur stood there, and he looked very very angry.
Merlin shrank back and made to move on his small cot as Arthur advanced but before he could topple off and fall on his back Arthur caught him tightly by the arms and shook him fiercely.
“What the hell Merlin?” Arthur screamed and Merlin had tears in his eyes and couldn’t get any words out if he could help it.
Strangely to Merlin Arthur’s eyes softened and he relaxed his grip on Merlin but held his gaze, Merlin averted his eyes too scared by the intensity of those eyes looking at him like Arthur knew every little secret Merlin carried.
Arthur left him alone then and started pacing the room angrily, like a lion prowling before it caught its prey.
“Locking yourself here for two days Merlin!” Arthur shouted and when Merlin still looked entranced like he didn’t quite know where he was Arthur balled his fists in his hands and started pacing again.
Arthur looked like when he wanted to pummel someone to the ground and yet could not, he was restraining himself and Merlin didn’t know whether to be relieved or to run.
“Two days, without food in your condition, did you even consider that you’re carrying my heir Merlin? DID YOU?” screamed Arthur and Merlin finally thought that this may not be about what he’d initially feared, it seemed that despite Merlin being pregnant, Arthur didn’t suspect magic.
However what came out of Merlin’s mouth finally was, “It’s not your heir.”
Arthur stopped pacing and looked at Merlin his mouth set and eyes afire, Merlin was trapped in Arthur’s arms before he even registered the movement, “What the hell do you mean by that? Of course it is mine or…..” Arthur looked at him with a furious glare that spoke of torture should he answer wrong, “were you fucking someone else?”
Merlin shook his head too horrified to even think of the implications of Arthur’s question and said “No you prat! Not only did you get me with child but now you’re accusing of cuckolding you, seriously?”
Arthur looked contrite but then he regained whatever anger had made him rush all the way here to Merlin’s room this early in the morning, he snapped “You said it wasn’t my heir, you dimwit, what did you expect me to think?”
Merlin honestly did not have the energy for one of their verbal cock fights this morning but it was Arthur and Merlin couldn’t help retorting, “You’re the dimwit sire, it’s not your heir, it’s a bastard is what it is!”
Arthur drew in a sharp breath before he said in a softer tone, “Don’t say that, he’s….he or she will be my heir, don’t ever call them bastard Merlin.”
Merlin sighed now, it was just like Arthur to think he could escape centuries old conviction, “But it’s what it is Arthur…..you might as well accept it now than later.”
“No Merlin….no I will not let that happen…..” Arthur’s tone was firm and his eyes were sure and Merlin sighed internally knowing there was no arguing with Arthur when he was like this.
“Now as you’ve once again proved how much of an idiot you are I’ve taken the liberty of asking the maids to bring food.”
Merlin frowned and tried to protest angry that Arthur was taking control of his life like he didn’t have a choice in the matter but before Merlin could say much Arthur put his hands to Merlin’s mouth effectively blocking anything he could say.
“You will eat Merlin or so help me I will feed it to you.”
Arthur sat there with Merlin on his little cot too close for comfort and kept watch until Merlin finished the entire plate of biscuits and nuts and milk, only when the tray was empty did Arthur leave him with a promise to make Merlin eat if he wasn’t doing it by himself.
Merlin thought that was the end of it but as a week passed and Merlin came out more and did chores for Arthur the Prince became unbearable.
After he knew Merlin was pregnant with his child Arthur was just a tad too overbearing, positively neurotic in fact where Merlin’s safety was concerned and Merlin and Arthur had had one too many screaming matches, the maids all having a ton to gossip about the Prince and his lover finally.
Arthur for his part could not conceive how Merlin thought him overprotective, if Merlin hadn’t possessed such an abysmal sense of self preservation Arthur wouldn’t have to compensate.
If he polished swords Arthur feared he’d cut himself open somehow and bleed to death, if he’d stand in the sun for too long watching the knights practice Arthur feared he’d faint out of heat exhaustion and it was a fair concern too seeing as Merlin had fainted once already, if he shined boots or cleaned the fireplace Arthur feared he’d get sick with a horrid cold and become bedridden, and heaven ever forbid Merlin carrying bath water or bath tubs or heavy armor while he was pregnant with ARTHUR’S CHILD, he was in no position whatsoever to carry anything and he was giving Arthur a panic attack every time he went and did something completely stupid.
Merlin almost tripping on the staircases while he was carrying some of Arthur’s laundry was the last straw for Arthur and now there were two guards who dogged Merlin’s every step when Arthur himself was occupied and could not do the job himself.
Merlin became more and more annoyed and miserable and even threw things at Arthur when they had one of their raging fights, however no goblet or wayward boot was thrown at Merlin’s head and instead Arthur only ducked and continued fighting with Merlin.
This was one such time when Merlin had had enough!
“SHUT UP ARTHUR! I should have never ever let you fuck me you gigantic prat!” Merlin screamed and Arthur looked taken aback for a minute that Merlin had mentioned the enormous elephant that they’d conveniently ignored for this long.
“Well it wasn’t like you weren’t begging for it Merlin!”
Merlin glared and Arthur glared back, “I WAS NOT BEGGING FOR IT” that was all the wit Merlin could manage in his climbing fury.
Arthur made a rude gesture before imitating in a high voice “Arthur, Arthur, please please fuck me….Arthur don’t stop….pleaseee” Arthur whined the last bit making Merlin blush beet red and turn his head away in an effort to hide it which only managed to make his reddening ears more obvious.
“You’re such a prat” Merlin spat before turning around and letting himself out of Arthur’s room as quickly as his feet would take him.
Merlin sulked sitting in one of the palace gardens bench when Lancelot came upon him. Merlin tensed as he heard footsteps thinking that Arthur had come hunting for him but when he saw it was Lancelot he relaxed.
Lance came over with a smile when he saw it was Merlin, “Hello Merlin, what are you doing out here in the cold?”
It was nearing winter now and Merlin did feel a bit chilled but he couldn’t refrain from snapping “Not you too Lance, I’m not the slightest bit cold.”
Lance looked taken aback before realization sank in and he sat close to Merlin. They remained quiet for awhile before Lance said, “You know Merlin he’s only concerned for you”
Merlin took a long moment before he replied unsure and hating the way his insecurities must be so obvious to Lancelot, “Me or the baby Lance?”
Lance looked understanding and put his arms around Merlin and Merlin was thankful to note there was no pity in his eyes.
“He cares for you greatly Merlin….surely you must know that, he’s perhaps a bit pompous sometimes but he….you mean the world to him Merlin, it’s always been obvious to everyone except you and him….”
“Bit pompous?” Merlin asked incredulously and they both chuckled good naturedly.
“Well that’s certainly debatable…..”
Then Merlin seemed to collect himself as the same time his mind hit upon a revelation, “You said everyone, did Gwen know too?”
Merlin knew Arthur had ended things with Gwen and Gwen was not so very forthcoming to him anymore, they talked of course but it was painfully awkward and not at all like what they used to be and Merlin mourned the loss of a friend such as Guinevere.
Lance hesitated but said “I can’t say I’m intelligent enough to understand the workings of the mind of a lady like her Merlin but yes I suspect she knew.”
Merlin smiled, Lance was always so self deprecating, even after all these years and even after he’d become knighted, Merlin chastised, “You’re plenty intelligent for anyone and most especially for Gwen because she’d been dealing with Arthur for so long she must find you to be a complete scholar.”
“Nonsense Merlin, Arthur is abundantly clever….he has a great head for battle strategy and no one has ever beaten him in chess so far, in fact it was he who suspected you to be pregnant at first, it was his suggestion that made Gaius suspicious too….”
Merlin looked around cautiously, it still wasn’t a very known thing that Merlin was pregnant with Arthur’s child among the castle’s inhabitants and though they were speculating about how Merlin and Arthur had finally become bedmates they hadn’t hit close to the truth yet about Merlin’s condition.
Merlin did find the information stunning after Lance told him, “How….how could he then not suspect me of….you know…” Merlin waved his fingers and Lance nodded understanding.
“I don’t know Merlin….being honest you’re not that good at hiding it either, either he trusts you too much to even think of it or he’s being selectively blind to you using magic right under his nose….”
Merlin didn’t know which option he favored, the first one meant Arthur would see it as a betrayal and Merlin would loose Arthur perhaps forever and the second was just too confusing to even consider.
Lance took Merlin’s hands in his and exclaimed “You are cold” a tad accusingly and Merlin supposed that he was, now that he’d been made aware of it, his hands felt like ice and Lance rubbed them and blew air on them making Merlin erupt in goose bumps at the sudden warmth.
“You’re all too much like your Prince these days where it concerns me, I’m not sick you know….just loaded with a little brat.”
“Don’t know if Arthur would like you calling his child as a brat”
“Arthur doesn’t get any say in what I call it, it’s my child too”
Lance looked up sharply and Merlin realized what he’d said, it was the first time he was acknowledging the child as his own vocally to someone else, until now he’d been calling his baby ‘it’ or ‘Arthur’s brat’ when the growing child inconvenienced him in some way or the other.
Lance smiled and there seemed to be a mixture of joy and relief in his face and Merlin shared the feeling too.
“I’m surprised he hasn’t come looking for me actually” said Merlin feeling miffed despite himself that Arthur hadn’t come looking for him.
“Actually he has….and he looks like he wants to kill me…” said Lance and Merlin turned to where Lance was looking and sure enough it was Arthur who was striding towards them with a menacing expression on his face.
“What do you mean? He probably wants to kill me” stated Merlin.
Lance looked chagrined before he pointed not so subtly to Merlin’s hands in his, “I’m dreading practice tomorrow Merlin, he’s possessive of you and he wouldn’t take kindly to me having a tete a tete with you.”
Merlin was about to reply that Lance was being ridiculous and of course Arthur was not possessive of him of all people but then Arthur reached them and his glare was directed entirely at Lancelot this time.
“Lancelot” Arthur gritted it out coldly like Lance’s name was a curse and Merlin frowned entirely ready to berate Arthur for being so blatantly rude to one of his most loyal knights.
Lance dropped Merlin’s hands and muttered, “My apologies sire…” before he hurried away and Arthur glared at his back until he disappeared from view.
Merlin threw his hands up in the air, “What is wrong with you? First you get angry at me and then now at Lancelot of all people? What has he ever done to you?”
Merlin plain refused to entertain the thought that Arthur could be jealous of Lancelot because of Merlin, it was just too ludicrous, if anything he was probably angry about Gwen and didn’t that thought send a knife stabbing straight through Merlin’s heart.
Arthur looked at him then and snapped “Of course Lancelot could do no wrong in your eyes Merlin”
“He doesn’t deserve you’re ire”
Arthur came near to him then and hissed “Oh I’ll decide what he does and doesn’t deserve Merlin, what were you doing with him anyway?”
“We were talking”
“Looked like a lot more than talking to me”
“I’m not Gwen!” Merlin quipped and he was rewarded with Arthur shutting up for once.
“I know Merlin….but you’re both entirely too gullible, now come away from this dreadful cold; you’ll catch your death!”
Arthur pulled him up and Merlin followed and they bickered all the way up to the castle.
“What do you see in Lancelot anyway?”
“Well since you asked, he’s a lot nicer than you!”
“Nice Merlin? He’s nice to the point of being boring.”
“Oh yes being boring is a more heinous offense than being say…a prat all the time.”
“I’d bet you’d be bored to tears if you ever have to put up with him all day like you do me.”
“No I would not!”
“Yes you would, you red cheeked little sass! You need a person like me to tame you.”
It was said in the heat of the moment but both Merlin and Arthur flushed and turned their heads away from each other. The massive elephant was sitting quite staunchly between them now and as both of them remembered their passionate night together and pined neither of them had the courage to take this forward and the elephant remained quite happily.
“Anyway I am a better knight and I’m a Prince, so I beat him hands down Merlin.”
“You’re a brute and a Prat is what you are!”
“I’m still better than him!”
“No you are not”
“Yes I am”
It went on and on and on and the castle’s guards smirked as the Prince and his manservant passed them exchanging heated words.
Things went on quite normally for some weeks then until Merlin’s magic started to go haywire. His morning sickness was disappearing and he was finally having a healthy appetite and eating like a horse but then on one fine day his hair had turned into a ghastly shade of wheat and no matter what he tried it didn’t change back into its usual raven color.
And it didn’t help that Arthur was close to him all the time now and could come upon him any moment and Merlin could not explain why his locks had suddenly turned dirty blonde.
Merlin rushed out of his rooms and Gaius looked up from the book he was reading only to drop it in shock.
“What have you done Merlin?” Gaius asked with the air of impatience.
“I didn’t Gaius, it’s my magic….I can’t change it back.”
Gaius frowned, he came forward and felt Merlin’s hair with his fingers finding this intriguing indeed. “Hmm…interesting” he muttered.
Merlin remembered it was Gaius and that he could not slap Gaius’ hands away because it would be disrespectful, still his tone was harsh when he said “Gaius! How will I explain this to Arthur?”
Gaius now looked at Merlin in concern, “It does look too ghastly for him to miss…perhaps we can die it for the time being.”
Too late they realized as the door opened to admit Arthur inside arms laden with an old fur coat of his.
Arthur’s jaw dropped once he saw Merlin and Merlin couldn’t help but self consciously cover his hair with his hands.
“Merlin, what the devil did you do to your hair?”
“Ehmm” Merlin looked wide eyed and his eyes darted around trying to find a way to explain his sudden change of hair color.
“I died it”
“You died it?” Arthur enunciated every word slowly like he couldn’t believe how dim Merlin was.
Merlin regained his resolve, after all he had bluffed his way through many a situation like this, he smiled wide and gormless as Arthur rolled his eyes, “Yes….yes…you see I wanted a change so I died it”
“Well take it off Merlin, it looks ugly.”
“ARTHUR!” Gaius exclaimed and Arthur spread his hands in a ‘what’ gesture.
“Well it is Gaius….and how did you even die it to look so ghastly a color? I’ve heard of no die that could make black hair so….” Well Arthur couldn’t describe the color as anything other than completely hideous and he didn’t think Gaius would appreciate him being honest this time around.
Merlin floundered and Gaius said “It’s from a foreign country sire, you see they’ve found a plant whose sap can turn black hair into….well….this” Gaius indicated to Merlin’s hair. “And it was I who wanted to experiment to see if it really worked and well…it seems it did” stated Gaius primly.
Arthur looked flabbergasted for a minute before saying “WAIT….did you say you used this foreign plant to EXPERIMENT on Merlin? It could be poisonous! It could give him hives for all you know Gaius! How could you do this?” Arthur’s voice rose a decibel with every sentence and finally he was all out shouting and looking at Gaius angrily.
“Arthur, calm down! It’s just a harmless plant!” Merlin beseeched.
“It was once a plant that almost cost you your life, you fool!” Arthur screamed as Merlin remembered drinking poison for the Prince and the Morteus flower that was put in the cup to poison him.
“Arthur, I don’t exactly look like I’m poisoned do I?” Merlin reasoned stepping closer to Arthur hoping Arthur would calm down and stop glaring angrily at Gaius like he wanted to kill the royal physician, poor Gaius who had to take the blame for Merlin’s imprudent and impertinent magic.
Arthur faltered when Merlin caught his hand in his hoping to reassure him that everything was fine, Arthur sighed as the tension drained out of him and said “No you just look like a very blond feathered hideous chicken”
Merlin smacked Arthur’s arm for that and Arthur hissed saying “That was unwarranted! And do wash it off as soon as you are able Merlin, I rather like your raven hair.”
Merlin smirked crossing his arms in front of his chest, “Do you now?”
Arthur narrowed his eyes and quipped “Well atleast that color made you look like a startled crow instead of a ghastly chicken!”
Gaius cleared his throat knowing the two men were once again disappearing off to their own realm forgetting other people’s existence in the world.
Arthur was smiling and so was Merlin and neither seemed too prone to blushing in shame or breaking their moment anytime soon so Gaius interjected loudly, “Merlin, you should probably get to picking those herbs I mentioned.”
Merlin finally looked away from Arthur to Gaius and sighed nodding his head, his old mentor still didn’t approve of Arthur and Merlin having buggered each other and Merlin being pregnant.
Arthur too drew himself back, “Ah Merlin, I brought this for you.” He handed the old fur coat he was having in his arms to Merlin and Merlin took it with a grateful nod, it was getting rather cold these days and the thin jacket Merlin owned didn’t keep the cold away and he kept shivering whenever he had to go outside to run an errand for the Prince or Gaius.
Thankfully the next day Merlin’s hair turned back to its normal raven color and Arthur gave him a pleased nod when he delivered the Prince’s breakfast which they both shared these days, Arthur sacrificing a large portion of his food for Merlin.
And then it was small things at first, like the chainmail cleaning itself with the oil and rag when Merlin was too tired to do anything, the way his room seemed impossibly warm instead of the icy cold bite of the winter, something he wanted to eat very badly appearing out of thin air when it was not the season for it.
All these things were making his predicament easier to bear with so Merlin thought nothing of it when his magic didn’t obey him like always; he reasoned his magic was just protecting him and his child.
And then it became worse, he’d feel this strange twinge whenever he was around Arthur and random things started to levitate in the air when the Prince’s back was turned and he was talking to Merlin. One day they were in Arthur’s room and Merlin found the scant old armor collection Arthur had hanging above the fire place start to levitate and move about the room.
“And this is not even the time or the place for Lord Eldred to talk about such negotiations Merlin…I mean I know my father’s not himself but to assume that I’d just usurp the throne when he’s still breathing….Merlin? Are you even listening to me?”
Merlin’s eyes were glued to the pieces of shield floating merrily in the air and for a moment he panicked, “Hmm what?” he asked and Arthur huffed.
“What are you even looking at?” Arthur went to turn back but before he could Merlin grabbed Arthur by his shirt and pulled him close to himself in a desperate attempt to prevent him from seeing.
Arthur evidently lost all interest about ranting to Merlin about stupid old councilmen and about whatever had Merlin so interested than listening to his Prince.
Merlin was acutely aware of how close he was to the Prince now and as Arthur stared at him with those blue soulful eyes Merlin found himself equally lost and he stared back with abandon.
“Merlin….” Arthur murmured, fingers making their way into Merlin’s hair and pulling gently.
Merlin could feel Arthur’s hot breath on his lips and they were so close that Arthur only had to tilt his head and their lips would meet, however a loud clanging of armor hitting the floor made them both break apart suddenly and Arthur looked around at the scattered old armor and felt bewildered.
“What the….” Arthur was shocked and Merlin’s mind jumped as he tried to come up with ways to explain, ways to lie lie lie, always lie to Arthur.
Arthur looked at Merlin and then gestured for him to be quiet by putting his finger on his lips, he turned around the surveyed the room and grabbed his sword from the dining table before thoroughly scouting his rooms and then outside the window looking at the courtyard below.
Merlin’s heart beat a frantic rhythm in his chest as Arthur frowned and turned back to him, “It’s never fallen before….”
“Maybe it was a wind or something….” Merlin’s voice wavered and Arthur snorted in disbelief.
“No Merlin, I suspect there might be a sorcerer in the castle….working for Morgana maybe, strange things have been happening lately…and I just…I just know it’s the doing of sorcery.”
Arthur spat the last word and Merlin gulped wondering how long he had before Arthur inevitably figured things out on his own.
That night Merlin had no sleep as he tossed and turned, what would Arthur do if he knew? He could have escaped Camelot and ran to Ealdor but it was winter now and Merlin knew he wouldn’t survive in such a harsh weather out on his own, even his magic wasn’t powerful enough to sustain him through the journey and Arthur would have the entire Camelot’s army on his heels should he escape his sight with his precious heir.
Merlin went to Gaius the next day and told him of the strange magical mishaps and of how Arthur was suspicious of harboring an enemy sorcerer inside Camelot.
“There’s no other way Merlin, you must just not be in his presence at all then. I can’t give you anything to control your magic; it might cause the child harm.”
Avoiding Arthur though was easier said than done, now that Merlin had a little bump to show for being pregnant Arthur constantly wanted to see Merlin all times of the day. He’d turn up in Merlin’s room unannounced after practice or after a council meeting and sometimes even in the early morn when the entire castle was asleep.
He’d wake Merlin up with the racket he made or atleast when he palpated Merlin’s little bump with his sword calloused rough hands. He’d rub Merlin’s stomach and Merlin would wake feeling grumpy about being woken up but all his ire vanished when he saw the soft look on Arthur’s face and Merlin would bear it and put his hands on top of Arthur’s to stay it from moving and making other places in Merlin’s body take interest.
When Merlin’s magic got too difficult to control to the point that he set random things on fire and made an entire wardrobe disappear Merlin thought enough was enough.
He’d said he was too tired to work any longer and just wanted to rest in his rooms from now on and Arthur complied looking only too happy that he’d gotten what he’d wanted all along, he’d rest easy knowing Merlin was not doing the many hazardous tasks that he insisted on doing everyday even if Arthur deliberately told him not to.
Inside the physician’s chambers however Merlin and Gaius were loosing their heads trying to control Merlin’s wild magic which had taken a mind of its own and did as it pleased. The only time Merlin felt it settle was when he was with Arthur and whenever Arthur was not around Merlin could never tell when there would be an accident, he’d set fire to so many things in his rooms that he was afraid to sleep alone in it any longer without the fear of accidentally burning himself and his child to death.
His belly grew and now the outline of it was visible to anyone who knew to look closely. That was another fear he carried, neither Arthur nor Merlin wanted anyone to find out about Merlin’s pregnancy, Uther may not be lucid now but the idea of a male being pregnant with the Prince’s child was so absurd and no doubt many would suspect sorcery was involved, it was a miracle that Arthur had not deduced it by now but Merlin didn’t think the older and paranoid members of the council would think a second before they condemned Merlin for sorcery and burnt him in a pyre.
Somehow his magic did settle when he was around Arthur so that there was no erstwhile floating objects or curtains alighting on fire whenever Arthur was present with him.
Merlin felt relieved as he knew he couldn’t keep Arthur away from him even if he wanted to. Arthur was insistent on seeing him everyday and spent atleast two meals with him and Gaius.
Merlin’s appetite had waned again as his anxiousness grew and Arthur observed all this too keenly and kept trying to feed him enough to satisfy himself.
Keeping all these secrets and his haywire magic in as much control as was possible for him now was taking such a toll on Merlin that it started showing.
Gaius was constantly frowning and worrying about him now, Arthur became more protective than ever asking Merlin if he was alright a dozen times everyday.
Lancelot tried to be there for him as much as he could comforting him and calming him when Merlin felt like he’d go mad with it all.
Something’s got to give however and it was a very dull and ordinary day in which Arthur finally found out about Merlin’s magic.
It was the most stupid thing that made Merlin get caught, back when he was just a servant to Arthur and did magical feats trying to save the Prince he’d always imagined that he’d reveal himself to Arthur when he was careless and in dire need to protect his Prince, then atleast he would have proved that he was on Arthur’s side, that his magic was all for Arthur, everything for Arthur.
He’d been going completely barmy with all the boredom that he’d gone to Arthur’s rooms and found on the table chainmail which was unclean and rusting. Merlin had scowled and muttered curses about the new serving boy who was so incompetent, Arthur may say a lot of things about Merlin’s abysmal skills as a servant but Merlin had never ever let Arthur’s chainmail rust, he knew how important it was in protecting Arthur from the dangers which he insisted on putting himself in whether it be a tournament or a bandit attack or war.
He polished with his hands for awhile but then his magic started doing it for him and after one too many attempts trying to rein it back in Merlin gave up and just watched, he knew Arthur wasn’t due to arrive anytime soon from the Knight’s drills and he’d locked the door for good measure.
However Merlin’s magic had this habit of fucking up where Arthur was concerned, after all he did end up pregnant with Arthur’s child so Arthur met no resistance when he opened the door to his chambers and the squeaking of a hinge was all the warning Merlin had before Arthur came in and took in the scene in front of him.
And what a scene it was, Merlin looking wide eyed and shocked like a thief caught red handed, the chainmail floating in mid air in front of Merlin and the oil and rag floating close by as the rag ran over the chainmail up and down in a rather languid motion pretty unaware of the tension in the room and not responding to Merlin’s desperate plea to ‘stop’.
Arthur looked shattered and he visibly tried to hold himself together as he crossed his arms in front of his torso, “It’s you…you’re….a sorcerer?’ the last word was doubtful but how could Arthur not see now when it was so obvious.
An array of expressions quickly passed over Arthur’s face, shock, confusion, disbelief, hurt then finally anger. Arthur’s eyes burned with fury and his glare had the force of an angry god who’d been unwittingly awakened and his wrath was directed entirely upon Merlin.
Merlin stood up eyes tearing as he stuttered, “Arthur….Arthur….I can explain”
“SHUT UP!” Arthur roared and Merlin backed away as Arthur took quick strides, caught him tight in his painful grip and shook him.
“Have you ensorcelled me? Was this all a ploy to make me bend to your will? ARE YOU WORKING FOR MORGANA?”
Arthur was screaming and Merlin cast a silencing spell, he couldn’t afford for the guards to show up and report any of this to the King.
“Arthur, no! I’d never….” Words failed Merlin when he most wanted to express them, fear choking his heart and tears clouding his vision at the hatred he saw in Arthur’s eyes, Arthur hated him now.
Arthur shoved him off and Merlin landed against the wall with a painful sound as Arthur turned away from him and then turned back, “Did you let me impregnate you so that you can have the throne when Morgana killed me? Hmm? DID YOU?”
Merlin’s eyes scrunched up and his mouth twisted in agony, that Arthur thought him capable of such treachery hurt beyond anything Merlin had ever imagined.
“It would be so convenient too wouldn’t it Merlin? Since you are carrying the heir and my father’s mentally deteriorated….it would all be yours if you got me out of the way!”
“I NEVER WANTED YOUR STUPID THRONE ARTHUR! I COULD HAVE HAD IT YEARS AGO IF I REALLY WANTED TO!” Merlin screamed now unable to take all the hurtful accusations being hurled at his way.
“THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT SORCEROR? All of you seem to want something nefarious from Camelot or me anyway!”
“I just wanted to keep you safe!”
“Keep me safe?” Arthur mocked skeptic, “You’re a sorcerer and you wanted to keep me safe? What do you take me for Merlin? A fool?”
Arthur then started laughing hysterically and without any humor and Merlin shrank back as he approached Merlin, “Oh you must have thought me a fool, such a fool….foolish to have believed in you blindly, foolish to have trusted you so completely, foolish Arthur who could be played anyway you wanted to, you were never going to tell me, were you?” the last words were uttered so quietly and with so much betrayed sorrow that made Merlin want to weep.
“I wanted to tell you….everyday I…”
“LIAR!” Arthur screamed and dragged Merlin up from where he’d been slumped against the wall. “ALL YOU SAY ARE LIES! Tell me Merlin, have you ever been truthful to me once in these years we’ve known one another?”
“Yes I have….Arthur…Arthur I love you, my magic…I use it to protect you….I could never harm you, I’d rather die myself than see you come to harm…”
“How could you say you love me when you’ve lied to me and betrayed my trust for years Merlin? How could you?” Arthur’s eyes were cold and impenetrable and he shoved Merlin away a final time, his expression was one of pure distaste and disgust when he laid eyes upon Merlin.
“GET OUT!”
“Arthur…Arthur please hear me out….”
“GET OUT SORCEROR!”
“I’m still the same MERLIN!” Merlin’s cheeks were red with tears and his body heavy with exhaustion but he still gripped tightly onto Arthur’s arms as he pleaded, “I was born with magic Arthur, I didn’t have a choice in it and I’ve always always used it to help you…Arthur please…please listen to me”
Arthur’s body was coiled tight with tension and Merlin waited while holding onto Arthur’s arms as Arthur closed his eyes and breathed out heavily.
Finally after what seemed like decades to Merlin Arthur opened his eyes and pulled Merlin’s hands away from him, Arthur’s eyes betrayed no emotion when he looked at Merlin finally and said “Get out now Merlin, I do not want to talk to you now.”
Merlin let his hands fall to his sides and an anguished sob escaped as he leaned away from Arthur, in a whisper he asked “What are you going to do to me now?”
Arthur looked up properly at Merlin at that, his face displaying confusion until Merlin clarified, “Am I to be burnt or beheaded?”
Arthur’s eyes bulged and his jaw dropped as he flinched away from Merlin looking so shocked that for a moment Merlin felt ashamed at having put it so bluntly, but he couldn’t bring himself to rephrase it as if that was to be his fate Merlin wanted to know.
“Do you really think I’d hurt you so Merlin? Is that all the faith you have in me?” Arthur’s eyes were tormented and glassy with tears.
“Arthur…I…”
“Leave me Merlin”
“Arthur….I’m sorry….I….”
“LEAVE ME, I BEG YOU! LEAVE!” Arthur pleaded and Merlin could do nothing but back away and run as fast as he could, tears blinding his vision and chest heavy with pain.