Bleck!

[amanda20]

I have been doing really well about keeping my worrying, overactive, irrational brain calmed down. I really had and was and still am very happy and proud of myself for it. It takes concentrarion and focus sometimes when something happens that in the past would have made me flip, but after just a few days it wasn't taking as much work. I was being /me/ without the panics, without the constant and incessant apologies, without the worrying and without the fear, I was /me/. Which made me happier then I think I have ever been before, and to an extent still am. I slipped though. I made a boo boo. It had gotten easy on a day to day basis to keep myself in check and not let my irrationality run away with me. So when the first signs of it started popping into my head I didn't pay as much attention as I should have and I ended up freaking. It wasn't as bad a freak out as I used to have, no panic attack, no axiety, no urge to claw or anything, just worry and crying, and it only lasted about an hour. So it was a MUCH milder freak out then I was used to having. Unfortunatly some people weren't around when I used to really freak out and so don't realise that this really wasn't that bad. Plus I wish some people would never have had to see that side and part of me. We talked some more after I came back online and was mostly sane again. And I think we are ok, I hope we are ok. I haven't been freaking out about freaking out though, just worried about it, but not in my all consuming totally obsessive way. Just in an Oy I don't want things to change way. Of course I am going to be on double gaurd about my mind running away with me for quite a while, but that isn't neccierialy a bad thing.
In other news, the book for my correspondence class will be here today. Yaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!