Today is the day That I realized something

Dec 13, 2005 17:51

Havent updated in about....uhmmmm months i would say. Everythings because really crazy lately, I haven't had any time to just stop and take time to think but maybe Im actually doing too much thinking.
I decided today after being told that someone misses my smiles, especially my everything is ok and wonderful smile, I decided that something really really has to change right now.

Sitting around and crying is really all done. As long as no one brings up Dan leaving it will be that much easier for me to "forget" for at least a few months and make the most of these months. I guess I'm doing better dealing with it than I was about a week ago. I know the love that I share with Dan is strong enough to withstand him being gone for 3 days or even 6 months. 6 months is going to be really tough for me and when the time comes Im going to need everyone absolutely everyone. But knowing that he is coming back to me, makes it that much better. Thinking of the day when he comes back, actually makes me heart happy because I know the joy that I will be topped with with me unlike any other joy. It'll be even better than the day I got my car. Yeah, so get the cameras out for the day Dan comes home, all the times Dan comes home.

Today Dan made me realize that I really haven't smiled lately and I used to have to tell him that he never smiles and I love seeing him smile. Today I noticed how much more Dan was smiling than I was, which means I know hes putting up the extra effort to smile and be happy, so I know I have to. And no, I'm not going to plaster a fake smile on my face so people think I'm happy when I'm really not, I know I will have my rough days but right now, especially right around Christmas where I'm the one singing Christmas Carols on the top of my lungs every single day, I need to be happy. I haven't sung any Christmas Carols above a whisper this year.

So if you are reading this, I would entirely appreciate it if you didn't bring up anything in the army or military for awhile.

Thanks for always being there for me guys.

Im back, the goofy, giggly me is entirely back
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