Sayonara, Senfeier!
SO.
copperbadge and I were going to have a "Senfeier-off" using cruentum's mother recipe. Eggs poached in mustard sauce. I was gonna take one for the team. I was gonna be brave.
Then Sam posted the pics of the finished product, and my belly said, "If that comes near me, you will see a deluge of vomit the likes of which only Tom Savini could design."
Me: Et tu, Brute?
Stomach: LO SIENTO, SENIOR Y SENORAS, NO ME YO HABLO ESPANOL.
Me: That doesn't make sense.
Stomach: Eheu! Harsum venit vir qui fert locustas!
Me: You're on crack.
Stomach: Et tu, Brute?
So instead I was like, "I'll make lamb. I love lamb braised in hot sauce with scallions!" TO THE STORE I WENT, AND APPARENTLY THEY HAD NONE. NO LAMB, ANYWHERE. I ASKED THE BUTCHER. HE WAS LIKE, "TOMORROW." (WHYS IS THIS IN CAPS?) Like there's some secret thing about lamb on Mondays or something. The lamb hook-up. The lambs are on strike on Sunday. I dunno, maybe they're Christian lambs. We do have blue laws here in PA. And there's a Jesus metaphor in there somewhere. Anyone who thinks this is offensive has never met Jesus. I have. He's okay with it. Like, when he shows up on fandom wank he's all, "Oh yeah, when I was a baby that shit made me cry. Now it's like, whatever dude."
SO.
I cast about for alternatives. What else could I buy? What looked good? I scoff at beef and shit. I was in the mood for lamb, now what reasonable facsimile do I get?
Answer: Swordfish.
Stomach: No really dude.
Me: for srs.
Stomach: I refuse to have a conversation with you when you speak in lolcat.
Me: lolwhut.
So here was what was on the menu, after much deliberation (like three seconds of it):
Swordfish braised in a chili sauce with black vinegar and scallions,
Fried cucumbers with thai basil and red chilies
Cold cucumber salad with scallions and sweet red peppers in a sweet-vinaigrette
I do all my prep in advance, so here's all the shit!
So, here we have some English cukes, red pepper, and scallions. sthayashi that knife there is what we were talking about when you were referring to a butter cutter, man.
It's called a Wusthof:
One cucumber I sliced into rounds. That was for frying. OH NO! MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!
I TOTALLY REGRETTED SHOWING THAT PICTURE AND STICKING MY HAND BACK THERE. Okay, so one cuke is rounded, and the other one I'm going to slice into long strips for the cold salad. I use my buddy here, Pierre:
My cousin got me Pierre for Crimmas and I was sceptical, but OMG HE'S AWESOME.
End product:
Cucumbers are too wet by nature, so they have to be salted and left to sit to press the water out of them. I didn't want to be getting all my shit mixed together, so I salted the strips and put them in a colander over a bowl, laid paper towels on top, salted the rounds and laid them on top. Now for the weight, I fill a 1 gallon Ziplock bag with water and set it on top to apply pressure. I keep a bunch that I reuse for this BS all the time:
I let that sit, and prep the rest of the stuff. Finished, it's minced garlic, julienned red peppers, chiffonade of basil, and then scallions, the whites julienned and the greens simply chopped (that chiffonade is crap) NOT PICTURED IS MINCED GINGER B/C I DIDN'T REALISE I NEEDED IT UNTIL LATER:
Also, I got out the big guns-home made chili/szechuan peppers vinegar oil. I don't even remember what I added this to, so don't ask. I added it to everything!
Clear the stove to one side to prevent blood spray:
Okay, now woks: I know people are all like, "YOU NEED A GOOD WOK FROM A CHINESE SUPPLY STORE FUCK HANDLES AND BULLSHIT AND NEVER GET NONSTICK," but I got this mofo for my wedding and I adore it because it's slowly being seasoned, and though it's nonstick, something about it is rough-textured, so it blackens and browns the way most teflon pans don't let you. It's from the Ming Tsai collection, I think, and it has a monster metal handle that supports all weight and never gets hot. I often flip stuff right in the wok by itself. Anyway, you can kinda see the rainbow of seasoning in it:
It's too early. Have some coffee:
FOR THE COLD CUKE SALAD: Rinse and pat dry cuke strips. Mix in bowl with julienned peppers and scallions.
Add rice vinegar and white sugar to taste. Normally, you add hot fresh red chilis, but I didn't get any. Then you let it chill in the fridge until you're ready.
FOR THE FRIED CUKES: Rinse those cukes and pat them dry with paper towels. Smoke the wok (turn the burner on high and get the wok hot to smoking) and add some oil. Swirl that and then add the cukes:
I forgot that they were still water based and when they hit the oil there was major spatter, and I burned myself. Watch out! (Incidentally, a sign of your experience as a chef in China is the scarring on your arms from hot oil. It's a mark of honor, and sometimes old chefs will rib newer chefs about how much experience they have by saying, "Push up your sleeves, show me your wrists." Is that an awesome story or what?)
Fry them until they're a little golden, then add some garlic and chilis and cook until aromatic:
Splash in some soy sauce and rice vinegar to taste, then add the basil last (technically, you're supposed to use purple perilla, but it's never available here, even in plant season) and stir a few times; dish out. Rinse wok. It's easy to do-run it under hot water and just wipe. Then dry the wok with a rag and you're ready to go again.
FOR THE FISH: Before you cook, rub the fish with salt and some Chinese rice wine (Shaoxing, it's for cooking only. I wouldn't drink it!) and let it marinate. The rinse the fish and pat it dry.
Smoke the wok and then add some frying oil (1/3 c.). Add your fish and fry to crisp the sides:
Brown one side, then turn:
These pics are blurry because I've had too much caffeine.
When the fish is browned, put it on a plate and drain the wok, wash and dry it out. Smoke it and then add 4 tbs of oil (I always use sesame, but if I run out, I use olive oil. I think peanut oil is too aggressive a taste and I only use it unless it's called for.) Once the oil is hot, add red chili paste. I chuck that in favor of Sambal:
When your oil is nice and red, add minced garlic and ginger and stir until aromatic. Then add 1 1/3 c stock (I used beef, because I had it), and 1TBSP black vinegar. Add a little soy sauce and sugar to suit you. Turn to med heat and bring that shit to a simmer:
Then re-add your fish and cook until done. This recipe is for a whole trout, so it's 4 minutes to a side These steaks are thick so I kept the timing:
Some assembled things-The salad, the fried cukes, and some re-heated fried rice from last night:
Young Chow fried RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE
Tink cannot wait until mommy's fish is done!
We need some cukes and riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice:
When the fish is done, remove it from the sauce and set it aside. Then add some cornstarch to thicken. I know, you're supposed to add it to water and then put it in, but I'm lazy. Okay SOMETIMES I DO IT. whatevs. When the sauce thickens a little, add the chopped green ends of the scallions:
Fry that shit for a few minutes.
Stop: Ovaltine
Plate fish and spoon sauce over it:
Voila!
Also: keep the pitcher handy. I MADE IT SPICY!
(The fried cukes are a modded recipe from Fuscia Dunlop's Revolutionary Chinese Cookbook: Recipes from the Hunan Province, and the fish is a very modded recipe of hers as well, though I believe it's from her other book, whose name escapes me. Both are good if you are serious about Chinese cooking. I think they're a little bit of a stretch unless you like crazy Azn flavah. The cuke cold salad is modded from about every recipe I have ever seen for it online. I have changed it so much and do it different every time. This was a very mild version. The kid ate most of it.)
So, that has to count for something, right? right? It's not Senfeier, but it's something, right?
copperbadge and I were going to have a "Senfeier-off" using cruentum's mother recipe. Eggs poached in mustard sauce. I was gonna take one for the team. I was gonna be brave.
Then Sam posted the pics of the finished product, and my belly said, "If that comes near me, you will see a deluge of vomit the likes of which only Tom Savini could design."
Me: Et tu, Brute?
Stomach: LO SIENTO, SENIOR Y SENORAS, NO ME YO HABLO ESPANOL.
Me: That doesn't make sense.
Stomach: Eheu! Harsum venit vir qui fert locustas!
Me: You're on crack.
Stomach: Et tu, Brute?
So instead I was like, "I'll make lamb. I love lamb braised in hot sauce with scallions!" TO THE STORE I WENT, AND APPARENTLY THEY HAD NONE. NO LAMB, ANYWHERE. I ASKED THE BUTCHER. HE WAS LIKE, "TOMORROW." (WHYS IS THIS IN CAPS?) Like there's some secret thing about lamb on Mondays or something. The lamb hook-up. The lambs are on strike on Sunday. I dunno, maybe they're Christian lambs. We do have blue laws here in PA. And there's a Jesus metaphor in there somewhere. Anyone who thinks this is offensive has never met Jesus. I have. He's okay with it. Like, when he shows up on fandom wank he's all, "Oh yeah, when I was a baby that shit made me cry. Now it's like, whatever dude."
SO.
I cast about for alternatives. What else could I buy? What looked good? I scoff at beef and shit. I was in the mood for lamb, now what reasonable facsimile do I get?
Answer: Swordfish.
Stomach: No really dude.
Me: for srs.
Stomach: I refuse to have a conversation with you when you speak in lolcat.
Me: lolwhut.
So here was what was on the menu, after much deliberation (like three seconds of it):
Swordfish braised in a chili sauce with black vinegar and scallions,
Fried cucumbers with thai basil and red chilies
Cold cucumber salad with scallions and sweet red peppers in a sweet-vinaigrette
I do all my prep in advance, so here's all the shit!
So, here we have some English cukes, red pepper, and scallions. sthayashi that knife there is what we were talking about when you were referring to a butter cutter, man.
It's called a Wusthof:
One cucumber I sliced into rounds. That was for frying. OH NO! MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!
I TOTALLY REGRETTED SHOWING THAT PICTURE AND STICKING MY HAND BACK THERE. Okay, so one cuke is rounded, and the other one I'm going to slice into long strips for the cold salad. I use my buddy here, Pierre:
My cousin got me Pierre for Crimmas and I was sceptical, but OMG HE'S AWESOME.
End product:
Cucumbers are too wet by nature, so they have to be salted and left to sit to press the water out of them. I didn't want to be getting all my shit mixed together, so I salted the strips and put them in a colander over a bowl, laid paper towels on top, salted the rounds and laid them on top. Now for the weight, I fill a 1 gallon Ziplock bag with water and set it on top to apply pressure. I keep a bunch that I reuse for this BS all the time:
I let that sit, and prep the rest of the stuff. Finished, it's minced garlic, julienned red peppers, chiffonade of basil, and then scallions, the whites julienned and the greens simply chopped (that chiffonade is crap) NOT PICTURED IS MINCED GINGER B/C I DIDN'T REALISE I NEEDED IT UNTIL LATER:
Also, I got out the big guns-home made chili/szechuan peppers vinegar oil. I don't even remember what I added this to, so don't ask. I added it to everything!
Clear the stove to one side to prevent blood spray:
Okay, now woks: I know people are all like, "YOU NEED A GOOD WOK FROM A CHINESE SUPPLY STORE FUCK HANDLES AND BULLSHIT AND NEVER GET NONSTICK," but I got this mofo for my wedding and I adore it because it's slowly being seasoned, and though it's nonstick, something about it is rough-textured, so it blackens and browns the way most teflon pans don't let you. It's from the Ming Tsai collection, I think, and it has a monster metal handle that supports all weight and never gets hot. I often flip stuff right in the wok by itself. Anyway, you can kinda see the rainbow of seasoning in it:
It's too early. Have some coffee:
FOR THE COLD CUKE SALAD: Rinse and pat dry cuke strips. Mix in bowl with julienned peppers and scallions.
Add rice vinegar and white sugar to taste. Normally, you add hot fresh red chilis, but I didn't get any. Then you let it chill in the fridge until you're ready.
FOR THE FRIED CUKES: Rinse those cukes and pat them dry with paper towels. Smoke the wok (turn the burner on high and get the wok hot to smoking) and add some oil. Swirl that and then add the cukes:
I forgot that they were still water based and when they hit the oil there was major spatter, and I burned myself. Watch out! (Incidentally, a sign of your experience as a chef in China is the scarring on your arms from hot oil. It's a mark of honor, and sometimes old chefs will rib newer chefs about how much experience they have by saying, "Push up your sleeves, show me your wrists." Is that an awesome story or what?)
Fry them until they're a little golden, then add some garlic and chilis and cook until aromatic:
Splash in some soy sauce and rice vinegar to taste, then add the basil last (technically, you're supposed to use purple perilla, but it's never available here, even in plant season) and stir a few times; dish out. Rinse wok. It's easy to do-run it under hot water and just wipe. Then dry the wok with a rag and you're ready to go again.
FOR THE FISH: Before you cook, rub the fish with salt and some Chinese rice wine (Shaoxing, it's for cooking only. I wouldn't drink it!) and let it marinate. The rinse the fish and pat it dry.
Smoke the wok and then add some frying oil (1/3 c.). Add your fish and fry to crisp the sides:
Brown one side, then turn:
These pics are blurry because I've had too much caffeine.
When the fish is browned, put it on a plate and drain the wok, wash and dry it out. Smoke it and then add 4 tbs of oil (I always use sesame, but if I run out, I use olive oil. I think peanut oil is too aggressive a taste and I only use it unless it's called for.) Once the oil is hot, add red chili paste. I chuck that in favor of Sambal:
When your oil is nice and red, add minced garlic and ginger and stir until aromatic. Then add 1 1/3 c stock (I used beef, because I had it), and 1TBSP black vinegar. Add a little soy sauce and sugar to suit you. Turn to med heat and bring that shit to a simmer:
Then re-add your fish and cook until done. This recipe is for a whole trout, so it's 4 minutes to a side These steaks are thick so I kept the timing:
Some assembled things-The salad, the fried cukes, and some re-heated fried rice from last night:
Young Chow fried RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE
Tink cannot wait until mommy's fish is done!
We need some cukes and riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice:
When the fish is done, remove it from the sauce and set it aside. Then add some cornstarch to thicken. I know, you're supposed to add it to water and then put it in, but I'm lazy. Okay SOMETIMES I DO IT. whatevs. When the sauce thickens a little, add the chopped green ends of the scallions:
Fry that shit for a few minutes.
Stop: Ovaltine
Plate fish and spoon sauce over it:
Voila!
Also: keep the pitcher handy. I MADE IT SPICY!
(The fried cukes are a modded recipe from Fuscia Dunlop's Revolutionary Chinese Cookbook: Recipes from the Hunan Province, and the fish is a very modded recipe of hers as well, though I believe it's from her other book, whose name escapes me. Both are good if you are serious about Chinese cooking. I think they're a little bit of a stretch unless you like crazy Azn flavah. The cuke cold salad is modded from about every recipe I have ever seen for it online. I have changed it so much and do it different every time. This was a very mild version. The kid ate most of it.)
So, that has to count for something, right? right? It's not Senfeier, but it's something, right?