where the hell am i? who are you? mister tumnus! don't put your finger there!
1. You know what I wish? I wish you all would trust me. Trust me in fic to take you there. I'll get you there. Honest. Blue, Jean (heh, together you're "bluejean" who is also Bluejean07), tell them that I took you to poly town, and it was good. Srsly, people, I can't EXPLAIN myself. I can only SHOW you. Have I let you down yet? No? Shut up and let me finger bang you into happiness.
2. Tomorrow I plan out the rest of my UK trip. I will post the itinerary when it's settled and if you are in the area that I am in at any given time I would love to see you (whoever you are).
3. Had another moment in which I realised that I want to be in love again. I just don't know whom that would be with. I don't think I can. I think he's dead. I want to be in love with that one again.
4. Jesus, when is this going to be over?
5. Thought about buying myself a cemetery plot. Realised I might not even be in this city when I die, so it's impractical. OTOH, I might just get myself one for my birthday next year and pretend that it's mine.
6. memeage:
verasteine
1 - porn: I love porn. Now, that said, I think a lot of visual porn is silly, because sex is inherently silly from a viewing standpoint. And the ball cam, WTF with that? And of course there are sex noises. When I write porn I want it to be sexy and real (though I occasionally gloss over some of the grosser things and y'all can bite me for that), and in talking to Jean the other night I realised that I have never written the porn that I want to write. I believe it went like this:
currie.jean: what don't you like about it?
Amand-r: Like, there's vary little description of what it all feels like.
currie.jean: bwah? I cannot see this. You should show us all next time, what you mean.
Amand-r: like, hrm. when you describe a sex scene, there should be a mix of describing the actions taking place, and describing what they feel like. this sex scene is heavy on the former and light on the latter. Maybe I should!
currie.jean: :D
Amand-r: like what I think sex scenes can be? Oh hell, it'll be a jumble of shit only I'll find hot.
currie.jean: you might be surprised, there
Amand-r: okay. It goes on the list.
currie.jean: w00t
Amand-r: I SHOULD DO IT IN JACK FIRST PERSON. JEAN HAS ALREADY DONE IT, AND I NO LONGER HAVE TO.
Anyway, some day I will write the porn I want to write, for the three of you who will read it. and it will be all "heart like an apple core, throat like a salmon" and shit.
2 -- post-its: I did this for Lifty. But I think the reign of the post its are over. I haven't had the heart to do them after the thing that I don't want to talk about, and that makes me sad. Kind of like my TW bubble burst a little, and I don't want to get all uppity anymore. Wah. Whatever.
3 - writing: I actually hate writing, tbh. Well, no, well, maybe. See, I like the separate parts, but I hate the whole thing together. When I'm doing it, I think, "wtf? Go eat a triscuit." But I can't not do it, and when I'm not spinning something, I feel bereft.
I miss writing poetry. I understood poetry.
4 -- John Barrowman: I know very little about JB, but I know enough to know that's a good thing. I have this image in my head of a funny, sweet, kind hearted guy who sometimes makes bad aesthetic decisions. I know he has a husband and some dogs. I know he's in La Cage and that imightbegoingtoseeit. I know that he's Captain Jack and he has a house in Cardiff. That's….that a lot, actually. I have heard him sing three songs….four songs. That is okay. I don't want to read his book. But I think he's fucking adorable. I want him to sing a duet wiiiiiiiith (see below)….
5 -- Tori Amos: No really they'd be great. I wish I could explain to you what happened to me when I was 15 and I heard Tori Amos for the first time. I. I . It was a love affair that continues to this day. I don't know why I love her. No, I do. Her lyrics are magic, she plays with her voice, she doesn't care if she's coherent. All of these are awesome things. She left Peabody school of music because they didn't like her playing Led Zep instead of Beethoven. WHATEVS, bitches. She fake masturbates on stage while she plays a piano and a harpsichord. I love her. But I love her music the best, her words. So here we go, ten, no eleven songs that I have on lifetime repeat by Tori Amos, as represented by bootlegs, which are so popular in Tori fandom that they released a whole set of them (almost every performance varies, iirc) :
Muhammad My Friend: (watch her knock the piano in the beginning. OH YEAH BABY.) Muhammad my friend /it's time to tell the world /we both know it was a girl back in Bethlehem /and on that fateful day when she was crucified /she wore Shiseido Red and we drank tea by her side
Horses: And if there is a way to find you /I will find you /But will you find me if Neil makes me a tree /An afro, a pharaoh /I can't go, you said so/ And threads that are golden don't break easily.
Josephine: 'Not tonight, Josephine.' /In an army's strength /therein lies the denouement. /From here you're haunting me /By the Seine so beautiful /Only not to be of use /Impossible
Icicle: (OMG LOOK AT HER MACKING ALL OVER THE KEYBOARD, AND OH JESUS TORI DON'T TALK DON'T EVER TALK) Getting off, Getting off /While they're all downstairs /Singing prayers /Sing away /He's in my pumpkin p.j.s /Lay your book on my chest /Feel the word
Iieee: (OKAY SO SHE SHOULD NOT DANCE AND SHE NEEDS A WARDROBE ARTIST BUT HONEST LIKE I NEED HER TO HUMP THE BENCH MORE AND SHE PLAYS BOTH KEYBOARDS AT THE SAME TIME, PEOPLE) I know we're dying /And there's no sign of a parachute /We scream in cathedrals /Why can't it be beautiful /Why does there /Gotta be a sacrifice
Leather: Look I'm standing naked before you /Don't you want more then my sex /I can scream as loud as your last one /But I can't claim innocence
Northern Lad: Had a Northern Lad, well, not exactly had /He moved like the sunset, God who painted that /First he love my accent, how his knees could bend /I thought we'd be ok, me and my molasses
Sister Janet: All the angels, All the wizards black and white /Are lighting candles in our hands /Can you feel them Touching hands before our eyes /And I can even see sweet Marianne
Upside Down: I say the world is sick /You say "Tell me what that makes us darlin`" /You see, you always find my faults faster than you find your own /You say the world is getting rid of her demons I say "Baby what have you been smoking?"
Frog on my Toe: Slap them boys when they're naughty, make 'em crawl, make you haughty…But one day girl you're gonna learn to make them crawl /Make them grow tall /But have the grace to be a lady with disgrace
Little Amsterdam: Mamma got shit /She loved a brown man /Then she built a bridge in the Sheriff`s bed /She`d do anything to save her man /You see her olives are cold pressed
BONUS: TORI IMPROV TELLING PEOPLE TO CALM RIGHT DOWN OR LEAVE AND GO GIVE PEOPLE BLOW JOBS
For sure, no one should ever actually listen to her, because she talks about talking to faeries and shit, but god, I would never ball gag her. She's the person Neil Gaiman used as a base for Delirium, FFS. SHE MAKES MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES AND TOURS AS THEM. ONE OF THEM IS NAMED CLYDE. She's gorgeous and wonderful. In short, I would like to be her when I grow up. Kthxbye.
shadings: Jack Harkness
1. Jack actually likes kids, like I like dogs-they're good when they're someone else's and he can give them back after a while. This isn't to say that he wouldn't be a good dad, but he could not be the primary caregiver. There would be way too much of that 'Let's not tell mommy/daddy about this. This is just between us" crap.
2. Jack is actually frightfully good with machinery.
3. Jack can cook. Not cherries jubilee and shit, but he's passing fair, and he does know how to do the dishes and all that happy horseshit. Nuff said.
4. Jack is terrified of the future. All of them.
5. Jack keeps a special dose of retcon in reserve. It's for Gray.
shadings: John Hart
1. John has about six illegitimate children scattered about the universe and time. They all hate him. One of them plans to shoot him on sight. No, she doesn't want to talk about it.
2. He really does think he loves Jack.
3. John was an only child. Never got the point of socializing with others. His imaginary friends were more than enough company and always answered his questions. One of them helped him cheat on his Agency entrance exam by hiding the answers inside his head.
4. Every time John puts on the paralytic lipstick, he wishes it was coloured. It also makes him hard.
5. He thinks the time loop did it. It didn't.
timberwolfoz: Gwen
1. Whenever she and Rhys watch a film or listen to a sing that contains infidelity, she looks at him, waiting for him to remember. He never does, and she's not sure how she feels about that.
2. She wants a girl, but she lives in fear that when said girl grows up, she'll fall in love with "Uncle Jack." (She also realises that this possibility is just as probable with a boy.)
3. About three times a month, Gwen wishes that she had never heard of Torchwood.
I don't have a 4/5. :(
kel_reiley: Adam from "Adam"
1. curriejean's story, The Creation of Adam is totes my post-S2 canon re: Adam. The only thing that should be different is that when Gwen remembers and Adam first pops up, the message written on his hand in the peephole instead of being "GAME OVER", should be, "I SEE WOT U DID THAR."
2. Adam isn't malicious. He creates his personality from what he finds in those around him.
3. Adam genuinely thought he was making them better people. Until, whoops Ianto. And then well, in for a penny. Fucking paper journals.
4. In retrospect, he should have banged Jack instead.
5. He didn't pick that look for Owen. After he'd modded his memories, Owen had just shown up to work like that, and he hadn't the heart to fix it.
arsenicjade: Yami no Matsuei
1. Muraki cannot get it up without drugs.
2. Hisoka is amazingly straight and really just wants to have a girlfriend.
3. Tsuzuki and Tatsumi used to be partners with benefits, and to this day they both regret ending it, but they never say anything because they think the other doesn't want it.
4. Origa/Muraki? Didn't happen.
5. Tatsumi actually budgets for Tsuzuki's overspenditures in food, but he doesn't let him know that.
neifile7: Lois Habiba
1. I got nothing on Lois Habiba.
2. Okay her dad was in the military. She didn't move around a lot, but she whishes that she had. Life would have been more interesting that way.
3. She taught herself shorthand out of sheer boredom in Algebra class.
4. Lois wants this job in the Home Office because she wants to feel needed without having to make major decisions. Oops.
5. In her misspent teenage years she hung out with the boys under the bridge, but they proved to be too rough to her liking, and after she stopped drinking, everything seemed duller but less life threatening.
2. Tomorrow I plan out the rest of my UK trip. I will post the itinerary when it's settled and if you are in the area that I am in at any given time I would love to see you (whoever you are).
3. Had another moment in which I realised that I want to be in love again. I just don't know whom that would be with. I don't think I can. I think he's dead. I want to be in love with that one again.
4. Jesus, when is this going to be over?
5. Thought about buying myself a cemetery plot. Realised I might not even be in this city when I die, so it's impractical. OTOH, I might just get myself one for my birthday next year and pretend that it's mine.
6. memeage:
verasteine
1 - porn: I love porn. Now, that said, I think a lot of visual porn is silly, because sex is inherently silly from a viewing standpoint. And the ball cam, WTF with that? And of course there are sex noises. When I write porn I want it to be sexy and real (though I occasionally gloss over some of the grosser things and y'all can bite me for that), and in talking to Jean the other night I realised that I have never written the porn that I want to write. I believe it went like this:
currie.jean: what don't you like about it?
Amand-r: Like, there's vary little description of what it all feels like.
currie.jean: bwah? I cannot see this. You should show us all next time, what you mean.
Amand-r: like, hrm. when you describe a sex scene, there should be a mix of describing the actions taking place, and describing what they feel like. this sex scene is heavy on the former and light on the latter. Maybe I should!
currie.jean: :D
Amand-r: like what I think sex scenes can be? Oh hell, it'll be a jumble of shit only I'll find hot.
currie.jean: you might be surprised, there
Amand-r: okay. It goes on the list.
currie.jean: w00t
Amand-r: I SHOULD DO IT IN JACK FIRST PERSON. JEAN HAS ALREADY DONE IT, AND I NO LONGER HAVE TO.
Anyway, some day I will write the porn I want to write, for the three of you who will read it. and it will be all "heart like an apple core, throat like a salmon" and shit.
2 -- post-its: I did this for Lifty. But I think the reign of the post its are over. I haven't had the heart to do them after the thing that I don't want to talk about, and that makes me sad. Kind of like my TW bubble burst a little, and I don't want to get all uppity anymore. Wah. Whatever.
3 - writing: I actually hate writing, tbh. Well, no, well, maybe. See, I like the separate parts, but I hate the whole thing together. When I'm doing it, I think, "wtf? Go eat a triscuit." But I can't not do it, and when I'm not spinning something, I feel bereft.
I miss writing poetry. I understood poetry.
4 -- John Barrowman: I know very little about JB, but I know enough to know that's a good thing. I have this image in my head of a funny, sweet, kind hearted guy who sometimes makes bad aesthetic decisions. I know he has a husband and some dogs. I know he's in La Cage and that imightbegoingtoseeit. I know that he's Captain Jack and he has a house in Cardiff. That's….that a lot, actually. I have heard him sing three songs….four songs. That is okay. I don't want to read his book. But I think he's fucking adorable. I want him to sing a duet wiiiiiiiith (see below)….
5 -- Tori Amos: No really they'd be great. I wish I could explain to you what happened to me when I was 15 and I heard Tori Amos for the first time. I. I . It was a love affair that continues to this day. I don't know why I love her. No, I do. Her lyrics are magic, she plays with her voice, she doesn't care if she's coherent. All of these are awesome things. She left Peabody school of music because they didn't like her playing Led Zep instead of Beethoven. WHATEVS, bitches. She fake masturbates on stage while she plays a piano and a harpsichord. I love her. But I love her music the best, her words. So here we go, ten, no eleven songs that I have on lifetime repeat by Tori Amos, as represented by bootlegs, which are so popular in Tori fandom that they released a whole set of them (almost every performance varies, iirc) :
Muhammad My Friend: (watch her knock the piano in the beginning. OH YEAH BABY.) Muhammad my friend /it's time to tell the world /we both know it was a girl back in Bethlehem /and on that fateful day when she was crucified /she wore Shiseido Red and we drank tea by her side
Horses: And if there is a way to find you /I will find you /But will you find me if Neil makes me a tree /An afro, a pharaoh /I can't go, you said so/ And threads that are golden don't break easily.
Josephine: 'Not tonight, Josephine.' /In an army's strength /therein lies the denouement. /From here you're haunting me /By the Seine so beautiful /Only not to be of use /Impossible
Icicle: (OMG LOOK AT HER MACKING ALL OVER THE KEYBOARD, AND OH JESUS TORI DON'T TALK DON'T EVER TALK) Getting off, Getting off /While they're all downstairs /Singing prayers /Sing away /He's in my pumpkin p.j.s /Lay your book on my chest /Feel the word
Iieee: (OKAY SO SHE SHOULD NOT DANCE AND SHE NEEDS A WARDROBE ARTIST BUT HONEST LIKE I NEED HER TO HUMP THE BENCH MORE AND SHE PLAYS BOTH KEYBOARDS AT THE SAME TIME, PEOPLE) I know we're dying /And there's no sign of a parachute /We scream in cathedrals /Why can't it be beautiful /Why does there /Gotta be a sacrifice
Leather: Look I'm standing naked before you /Don't you want more then my sex /I can scream as loud as your last one /But I can't claim innocence
Northern Lad: Had a Northern Lad, well, not exactly had /He moved like the sunset, God who painted that /First he love my accent, how his knees could bend /I thought we'd be ok, me and my molasses
Sister Janet: All the angels, All the wizards black and white /Are lighting candles in our hands /Can you feel them Touching hands before our eyes /And I can even see sweet Marianne
Upside Down: I say the world is sick /You say "Tell me what that makes us darlin`" /You see, you always find my faults faster than you find your own /You say the world is getting rid of her demons I say "Baby what have you been smoking?"
Frog on my Toe: Slap them boys when they're naughty, make 'em crawl, make you haughty…But one day girl you're gonna learn to make them crawl /Make them grow tall /But have the grace to be a lady with disgrace
Little Amsterdam: Mamma got shit /She loved a brown man /Then she built a bridge in the Sheriff`s bed /She`d do anything to save her man /You see her olives are cold pressed
BONUS: TORI IMPROV TELLING PEOPLE TO CALM RIGHT DOWN OR LEAVE AND GO GIVE PEOPLE BLOW JOBS
For sure, no one should ever actually listen to her, because she talks about talking to faeries and shit, but god, I would never ball gag her. She's the person Neil Gaiman used as a base for Delirium, FFS. SHE MAKES MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES AND TOURS AS THEM. ONE OF THEM IS NAMED CLYDE. She's gorgeous and wonderful. In short, I would like to be her when I grow up. Kthxbye.
shadings: Jack Harkness
1. Jack actually likes kids, like I like dogs-they're good when they're someone else's and he can give them back after a while. This isn't to say that he wouldn't be a good dad, but he could not be the primary caregiver. There would be way too much of that 'Let's not tell mommy/daddy about this. This is just between us" crap.
2. Jack is actually frightfully good with machinery.
3. Jack can cook. Not cherries jubilee and shit, but he's passing fair, and he does know how to do the dishes and all that happy horseshit. Nuff said.
4. Jack is terrified of the future. All of them.
5. Jack keeps a special dose of retcon in reserve. It's for Gray.
shadings: John Hart
1. John has about six illegitimate children scattered about the universe and time. They all hate him. One of them plans to shoot him on sight. No, she doesn't want to talk about it.
2. He really does think he loves Jack.
3. John was an only child. Never got the point of socializing with others. His imaginary friends were more than enough company and always answered his questions. One of them helped him cheat on his Agency entrance exam by hiding the answers inside his head.
4. Every time John puts on the paralytic lipstick, he wishes it was coloured. It also makes him hard.
5. He thinks the time loop did it. It didn't.
timberwolfoz: Gwen
1. Whenever she and Rhys watch a film or listen to a sing that contains infidelity, she looks at him, waiting for him to remember. He never does, and she's not sure how she feels about that.
2. She wants a girl, but she lives in fear that when said girl grows up, she'll fall in love with "Uncle Jack." (She also realises that this possibility is just as probable with a boy.)
3. About three times a month, Gwen wishes that she had never heard of Torchwood.
I don't have a 4/5. :(
kel_reiley: Adam from "Adam"
1. curriejean's story, The Creation of Adam is totes my post-S2 canon re: Adam. The only thing that should be different is that when Gwen remembers and Adam first pops up, the message written on his hand in the peephole instead of being "GAME OVER", should be, "I SEE WOT U DID THAR."
2. Adam isn't malicious. He creates his personality from what he finds in those around him.
3. Adam genuinely thought he was making them better people. Until, whoops Ianto. And then well, in for a penny. Fucking paper journals.
4. In retrospect, he should have banged Jack instead.
5. He didn't pick that look for Owen. After he'd modded his memories, Owen had just shown up to work like that, and he hadn't the heart to fix it.
arsenicjade: Yami no Matsuei
1. Muraki cannot get it up without drugs.
2. Hisoka is amazingly straight and really just wants to have a girlfriend.
3. Tsuzuki and Tatsumi used to be partners with benefits, and to this day they both regret ending it, but they never say anything because they think the other doesn't want it.
4. Origa/Muraki? Didn't happen.
5. Tatsumi actually budgets for Tsuzuki's overspenditures in food, but he doesn't let him know that.
neifile7: Lois Habiba
1. I got nothing on Lois Habiba.
2. Okay her dad was in the military. She didn't move around a lot, but she whishes that she had. Life would have been more interesting that way.
3. She taught herself shorthand out of sheer boredom in Algebra class.
4. Lois wants this job in the Home Office because she wants to feel needed without having to make major decisions. Oops.
5. In her misspent teenage years she hung out with the boys under the bridge, but they proved to be too rough to her liking, and after she stopped drinking, everything seemed duller but less life threatening.