need want hate love wish
A Litany of Things
It's Wednesday, so that means it's Humpty Dance day. That usually makes me happy. That's cool. But you don't have to. You know, if you don't like Digital Underground (also? I don't want you to comment and tell me you don't. I really don't care if you don't. I do. Suck my balls.)
I'm tired. I want to get drunk. I want a good cup of coffee. I want to go to the beach. I want to get laid. I want to hang out with fannish peeps again. I love my non-fannish peeps, but sometimes I like to rapid-fire fan crap. Obviously my online insanity of late reveals my need to scream with someone about Ianto's ass. Or something.
I hate mundanity. I want to go to the park. I want swingvana. It's hot. I want good licorice.
Hrm.
I want to write these fics. I want to post my novel online for free. I want people to read said novel. I want them to tell me it's good. I wish it were good.
I want to learn how to dance. I want to build some more swords, but I don't remember how. I wish my bow wasn't broken. I need to buy a new handgun.
I need to buy plane tickets for the UK. I want to lose thirty pounds. I wish I were prettier and less insane. I wish I could have a one-night stand that didn't suck.
I hate people who tell me to take anti-depressants. I hate people who say they can beta read when they obviously can't. I hate people who offer opinions of things that are stupid. I hate people who offer too much information when you're trying to merely be polite about what they mentioned in the first place. It's like they're inadvertently punishing you for being polite. I hate having to comment "Okay!" when I want to let them know I'm done.
I hate that I try to reply to every comment I get; I see that others don't. I hate when people don't reply to my comments. I hate that I even care.
I wish I knew more about brewing beer, and wine, and martial arts. I wish I could kick someone in the face, just for fun. I wish I didn't want to kick someone in the face. That's sick. If someone kicked me in the face, I'd be pretty peeved. I wish I had better foresight. I wish I were more sensitive of other people's feelings. I wish I wasn't so good at putting my foot in my mouth.
I'd like to be able to make something with my hands, like cheese. Not knitting. That's nice and all, but I'm not a knitter, people.
I wish my kid was potty trained. I wish I had the patience to deal with her. I wish she didn't look so much like Tianyu.
I want my husband to come through the door and say that he was kidnapped by the Foreign Legion for three years, and that this was all a mistake. Then he would hug and kiss our daughter, and we would get the fuck out of here, and move somewhere else. And then we'd buy a house with horses and a wood stove. I need a date. I need a double dildo and a woman to fuck into the mattress. I need a manicure.
I wish I were over my husband. I wish I could set all of his pictures on fire. I need to put flowers and a Transformer on his grave. I haven't been there since April. I hate when "widowed" isn''t an option and I have to check "single", because it is obvious that I am not. I need to stop calling him my husband. I need to be able to take this ring off my finger.
I want another tattoo. I want to dye my hair purple. I want to get a job as a rodeo clown. I want to tell jokes for a living. I wish I wasn't so amazingly shy. I wish people would believe me when I tell them that, because it's true. It makes me want to kick them in the face.
I wish this shit wasn't so circular.
I wish that I could hug everyone. I want a party with booze and those taquito things. I want to go riding. I want to barrel race. I wish I were more serious. I wish everyone would bite me.
I need a hug without it being a hug, because I cannot stand to touch anyone. I need to learn how to draw better, so that I can draw porn.
I would like to vid how shit makes me feel. I WANT LASER EYES.
I love how everyone I meet is so nice online. I like how fandom has just exploded into love around me, and I wish that everyone else could see how neat and viral and good it is, like happy syphilis. I wish that people could laugh more about it.
I'm sorry that, you know, canon shit happened, but I love my buddies online, and they are what is important in some ways. I love sending people cards. I like writing by hand.
I like that in the mornings, I bring my kid into bed with me, and she turns towards me and buries her face in my chest. I love her sticky little fingers. I like how she calls chocolate milk "chmoke". I love the way she snorts when she laughs. I love that she has her daddy's flat feet.
I like that my car is paid for. I like that even though they didn't have to, the company my husband worked for chose to honor the insurance policy even though he was obviously a suicide. I am grateful for my husband's family. I love my parents, because they take care of me. I love that my husband's friends haven't forgotten about me, and they come to my house and drink beer with me. I love that I know how to flash fry a duck and order ham sui gok at dim sum. I love dim sum.
I want dim sum.
I love that I can open my inbox and see new emails. I want a poster of The Vampire Lestat. I wish Anne Rice wasn't batshit. I wish I could live forever.
I really want dim sum.
THE END
IP logging off