When I grow up, I want to be Hudson Hawk.

[amand_r]

WARNING, some of this shit was left over from yesterday, when I didn't really post an update. So it might be out of date. Like 60 year old Coco Chanel.

Comments

[moljn]

I'm all for any fic done well (may or may not read it, but for it nonetheless). As for no dialogue, if it's not long-ass paragraphs of introspection, that's a plus. And it's not, so good on that. The bit you posted seemed more like the intro to the real story, a the-story-so-far. I'm trying to think of fanfic that used the same matter-of-fact(?) style well. One Rose/Ten II had long stretches of it, as I recall, with key scenes played out with dialogue and in more detail.

It seems like it'd be a longish story, and I think the narrative would distance the reader too much if you didn't go in and make it more immediate here and there (if that makes sense). Not sure how well it lends itself to (hot) sex scenes either, if you're going for that, but that could be because it's not my pairing. If key-scenes-dialogue doesn't do it for you, maybe you could intersperse it with short dialogue-only parts. A bit gimmicky, though, I guess.

Hm, that's a lot of ifs.

[amand_r]

Yeah, the dialogue slicing makes it...funny looking. I'm trying an alternate version of the same scene, and seeing how it works. I'll probably slap that up here as well.

The beginning doesn't really do it justice in the terms of pacing, because I want to get them to Cardiff. Like all of this is set up, you know, and then it slows. I dunno. We'll see. When I think if show, don't tell, what I think if is the whole spewing of internal thought processes, not the lack of dialogue or the use of a matter of fact narrative, because actions are telling in that. They're just narrative actions. Shit, that was what I was trying to say earlier.

I fail at communications.

[moljn]

Or I fail at reading; I think you lost me halfway through the second paragraph.

Think we agree that you're showing-not-telling plenty in the bit you posted, though. Sometimes, as one essay once said, "He turned on the lamp," is perfectly fine writing. He doesn't need to reach for, find and pull the string. And if we were to take show-don't-tell far enough, we'd have mimes, not writers. Would make for a very different kind of porn. Less, too, probably.

That was a bit of a tangent. I'd be interested in seeing the new version, though. And okay, I get what you mean about the pacing. It wouldn't be much of a story if everything happened so fast. I still imagine the style to be distancing, if stuck to throughout, but it's hard to say for sure without reading the story.

[amand_r]

Oh jesus. I can't do anything right anymore.

[moljn]

Hm? Did I misread horribly?

[amand_r]

No. It's me. I can't communicate. You are fine.