When I grow up, I want to be Hudson Hawk.

[amand_r]

WARNING, some of this shit was left over from yesterday, when I didn't really post an update. So it might be out of date. Like 60 year old Coco Chanel.

Comments

[paragraphs]

1. I don't want just dialogue of course--that is screenwriting lol--but a balance thrills me the most, engages the Dear Reader's emotions and throws them into grabbing for Kleenex. I do think, if you are preferring more narrative, that is fine but don't cheat yourself out on truly wielding it fiercely to bring your Dear Readers to their knees.

Take this sentence from your fic:

She tells him, as they drive to Cardiff, that she's afraid that if they hadn't been married, that he would have left her. Ianto has to pull the car over on the carriageway and pull her into his lap, because of all of the things she could have said, that is the saddest and most untrue thing.

This one sentence--how I would love to SEE that entire bit, not just in one sentence, but expanded, lengthened, deepened. POW POW POW! Sure, it is personal preference, but even if the only line of dialogue was her fear, the impact of his reaction via his inner thought would be that much more emotional, that much POW, as that is huge. Pulling a disabled woman onto his lap in the car would be hard, would trigger MORE possibilities for reactions on his part, either verbally-expressed or internally.

Little treasures like this one sentence would have far more impact on Dear Reader...it is emotionally-wrangling, this one little bit, and would be a great opportunity for you to really whip Dear Reader into an emotional state, as well as give that opportunity show (Show!) just how hard in this one way dealing with Lisa's disability truly is. It would also give Ianto a small showcase to show (SHOW!) extra tenderness through his actions, helping her to his lap, burying his face in her hair, tightening his arms around her in that intimate way that he has always before, and still does, because he loves her. We would then be emotionally-invested along with Ianto into the scene.

I wonder if your mind sometimes just races ahead really fast...you ARE a very fast person lol...and it would help after you get a scene down and off of your flying fingers if you went back and looked for these little treasures that you can expand, yup add some dialogue (doesn't have to be alot--less CAN be more!) and wrestle to the ground. I think your story would be loved all the more for it.

That make sense? Feel free to drop-kick me--seriously! Again--these are just my thoughts, things that have been hammered into me over the years. :)

[amand_r]

See, my problem is that isn't where the story lies, and in fact, in its normalcy that part of the story needs to be glossed. I don't want to unpack, and I don't want to dwell on the illness in a way, actually. Its a thing, and it's a huge thing, but it's a persistent thing until it becomes part of the background in its own way. Like, fight club. I don't want to talk about it.

This is just mah brain spouting shit here.

I don't know. i wonder when people tell me about show don't tell, I wonder why. Like, yeah, I see a lot of shitty telling writing, but. Okay, I'll be honest. whenever I see someone tell me that I SHOULDN'T do something because it's better this way, I sometimes like to say "no, it just hasn't been done well the other way yet." Believe me, I love dialogue. But every time I added dialogue to that scene, it looked like I added dialogue because I was like, "oops, I better add some stuff to break up the narrative."

I can be very fast, you are right, and crap we're in chat.

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