THE CHURCH OF THE DIVINE IMMACULATE FLAMING SOFA...OF THE STIGMATA EXORCISM. THING POPE.
Good morning, starshine! The earth says hello! Today's update by numbers is brought to you by Bob Ross and his happy little trees.
1. Yesterday's poll results can only mean one thing: everyone is hot for Moose. Or Jughead. BACK OFF, HE'S MY LITTLE MAYNARD G. KREBS LOOKALIKE. MMMMMMMMMMAYNARD. (Srsly, who names their kid that? Oh wait, Maynard James Keenan. My bad. You rule, Maynard!). Maynard knows how to burn one, is all I'm saying.
2. I understand that some people have kink bingo already, but really? Three people have BLACKOUTS? Holy shit.
3. neifile7 posted an interesting meme, and I thought I'd give it a whirl.
Template:
1. Pick an unresolved question from canon that especially niggles at you. (Embarrassment of choices, here, for TW at least.)
2. Pick a fic -- either your own or someone else's -- that represents your personal canon on that issue.
3. Pick at least one other fic that answered that question differently, but that you found compelling or convincing anyway.
Do you want to know what my biggest issue is? JACK'S LACK OF FACIAL HAIR WHEN THEY DIG HIS ASS UP. No one has tackled this in fic that I know of. Another one is the ever-present Torchwood Logo, but I think I'm the only one who did that (other than the occasional joke or side mention about Ianto ordering things with the logo on them). And other than that? I'm drawing a complete blank. For Srs. I got NOTHING.
::hangs head in shame::
4. An open letter:
Dear asshole whose muffler fell off, causing you to just leave it in the middle of the street for me to run over:
You. Suck.
No Love, Me.
Now my car is leaking something, and one of the tires, which I hit with the muffler while I was trying to JIMMY IT FREE, is flattening as we speak. I am such a fucking loser, man. I have to pick mum up at the airport tomorrow, and I have to take her car. I call it the Snapemobile. ::le sigh::
Arsenicjade: Your town, man. rusty mufflers and couch bonfires
Amand-r: YEAH. SAY YES TO SOFA BONFIRES.
Arsenicjade: I always do. don't you?
Amand-r: Indubitably.
Arsenicjade: Well then. Speak to those who have not converted to the religion of daybed conflagrations
Amand-r: I SHALL. ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR.
Arsenicjade: Or at least, your matchbook
Amand-r: Matchbook is just facebook for pyros.
Arsenicjade: That should be the main prayer of our new religion
Amand-r: Which one is that? We start a new religion like every week.
Arsenicjade: dude, the burning sofa religion. we're, like, still having the same convo
Amand-r: Are we?
Arsenicjade: Yes
Amand-r: Dude, you would be so much more convincing as a cult leader if you would, you know, STOP BEING JEWISH.
Arsenicjade: I know. It's a flaw
Amand-r: Our followers are like, "What's she doing?" And I'm all, "Oh, she's keeping kosher, little one." And they're all like, "OUR CHURCH HAS TO BE KOSHER?" And I'm all, "NO, Abigail is Jewish." And they're like, "O_o?"
Arsenicjade: We SHOULD come up with some dietary laws, tho. That always cements shit. Like, all food should have to be cooked in a fire. Preferably over a burning couch
Amand-r: Or in one of those shopping carts that has been converted to a grill. Like that.
Amand-r: Apparently, people just throw away MUFFLERS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. OUR RELIGION SHOULD FUCKING BAN THAT SHIT.
Arsenicjade: Well, of course it does. TRASH NEEDS TO BE IN OUR CHURCH FURTHERING OUR CAUSE, not in the middle of the fucking street. That's like throwing away holy relics
Amand-r: SOMEONE OUT THERE SINNED, BIG TIME.
Arsenicjade: That's what I'm saying. He should be burned. Atop a grocery cart grill.
Amand-r: SACRIFICED ON A FLAMING COUCH BEING DRAGGED THROUGH THE WOODS BY A FORD F150.
Arsenicjade: Yes. Why F150, tho? Why not 550? I mean, c'mon. If people are going to follow us, we need a huge bed and a lot of, er, horsepower
Amand-r: IS THAT WHAT WE'RE CALLING IT THESE DAYS?
Arsenicjade: That's what Abigail of Sofaland Church is calling it.
Amand-r: OUR LADY ABIGAIL WIGGINS III OF THE CHURCH OF THE DIVINE IMMACULATE FLAMING SOFA...OF THE STIGMATA EXORCISM. THING POPE.
THAT'S OUR CHURCH TITLE.
Arsenicjade: Yes, that was what I meant
5. arsenicjade and I both have college degrees. In English, no less. See what the Samsung Rant has reduced us to:
Arsenicjade: Give me a clever answer for the question "u know what was rly cool abt the movie 28 days later?"
Amand-r: ZOMBIES THAT RUN.
Amand-r: Also, an incubation period of ten seconds.
Arsenicjade: Ty for that. how r u?
Amand-r: Shopping. you? what was that about?
Arsenicjade: Emmy's husband asked me at brunch
Amand-r: Tell him its terrifying. fucking terrifying.
Arsenicjade: I have done a dramatic reading if that statement for u
Amand-r: Good. because it cannot be stressed enough. ZOMBIES THAT FUCKING RUN, ABIGAIL WIGGINS, III.
Arsenicjade: They were a little scared by my dramatic reading of that
Amand-r: THEY SHOULD BE.
Arsenicjade: Hee. We have discussed that welsh zombies would sort of be the height of ur…phobias…huh?
Amand-r: Why welsh zombies? They're already cannibals, Abigail Wiggins III.
Arsenicjade: They're a trifecta - welsh, cannibals and zombies
Amand-r: JSYK, methos is welsh. there's nothing wrong with the welsh innately.
Arsenicjade: Right, not until they start eating flesh
Amand-r: Yeah, but how often does that happen, really? once a decade?
Arsenicjade: U tell me. ur the one that thinks it happens
Amand-r: Every ten years.
Arsenicjade: Well, okay
Jesus. Look at all that netspeak, and lack of periods! WTF!?!
6. Carl Wilson, I have one word in the defense of sentimentality: ROCKAPELLA
7. I am a geek. What kind of tattoo should I get? Somewhere on there is a series of generic symbols: power, play, stop, I think. They rule hard.
8. Mum comes home from the UK today! I pick her ass up at 8. She sent me the following picture, from Stratford-on-avon(calling!):
AT-AT vs. dalek! Who would win? With those proportions, I think it's a no-brainer. With REAL (lol real) proportions, it would be ON. Unicorn vs. werewolf for REALS. HIGHLANDER WAS A DOCUMENTARY, AND ITS EVENTS WERE RECORDED IN REEEEEAL TIME.
9. PENGUINS! YES! FTW! BRING IT!
1. Yesterday's poll results can only mean one thing: everyone is hot for Moose. Or Jughead. BACK OFF, HE'S MY LITTLE MAYNARD G. KREBS LOOKALIKE. MMMMMMMMMMAYNARD. (Srsly, who names their kid that? Oh wait, Maynard James Keenan. My bad. You rule, Maynard!). Maynard knows how to burn one, is all I'm saying.
2. I understand that some people have kink bingo already, but really? Three people have BLACKOUTS? Holy shit.
3. neifile7 posted an interesting meme, and I thought I'd give it a whirl.
Template:
1. Pick an unresolved question from canon that especially niggles at you. (Embarrassment of choices, here, for TW at least.)
2. Pick a fic -- either your own or someone else's -- that represents your personal canon on that issue.
3. Pick at least one other fic that answered that question differently, but that you found compelling or convincing anyway.
Do you want to know what my biggest issue is? JACK'S LACK OF FACIAL HAIR WHEN THEY DIG HIS ASS UP. No one has tackled this in fic that I know of. Another one is the ever-present Torchwood Logo, but I think I'm the only one who did that (other than the occasional joke or side mention about Ianto ordering things with the logo on them). And other than that? I'm drawing a complete blank. For Srs. I got NOTHING.
::hangs head in shame::
4. An open letter:
Dear asshole whose muffler fell off, causing you to just leave it in the middle of the street for me to run over:
You. Suck.
No Love, Me.
Now my car is leaking something, and one of the tires, which I hit with the muffler while I was trying to JIMMY IT FREE, is flattening as we speak. I am such a fucking loser, man. I have to pick mum up at the airport tomorrow, and I have to take her car. I call it the Snapemobile. ::le sigh::
Arsenicjade: Your town, man. rusty mufflers and couch bonfires
Amand-r: YEAH. SAY YES TO SOFA BONFIRES.
Arsenicjade: I always do. don't you?
Amand-r: Indubitably.
Arsenicjade: Well then. Speak to those who have not converted to the religion of daybed conflagrations
Amand-r: I SHALL. ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR.
Arsenicjade: Or at least, your matchbook
Amand-r: Matchbook is just facebook for pyros.
Arsenicjade: That should be the main prayer of our new religion
Amand-r: Which one is that? We start a new religion like every week.
Arsenicjade: dude, the burning sofa religion. we're, like, still having the same convo
Amand-r: Are we?
Arsenicjade: Yes
Amand-r: Dude, you would be so much more convincing as a cult leader if you would, you know, STOP BEING JEWISH.
Arsenicjade: I know. It's a flaw
Amand-r: Our followers are like, "What's she doing?" And I'm all, "Oh, she's keeping kosher, little one." And they're all like, "OUR CHURCH HAS TO BE KOSHER?" And I'm all, "NO, Abigail is Jewish." And they're like, "O_o?"
Arsenicjade: We SHOULD come up with some dietary laws, tho. That always cements shit. Like, all food should have to be cooked in a fire. Preferably over a burning couch
Amand-r: Or in one of those shopping carts that has been converted to a grill. Like that.
Amand-r: Apparently, people just throw away MUFFLERS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. OUR RELIGION SHOULD FUCKING BAN THAT SHIT.
Arsenicjade: Well, of course it does. TRASH NEEDS TO BE IN OUR CHURCH FURTHERING OUR CAUSE, not in the middle of the fucking street. That's like throwing away holy relics
Amand-r: SOMEONE OUT THERE SINNED, BIG TIME.
Arsenicjade: That's what I'm saying. He should be burned. Atop a grocery cart grill.
Amand-r: SACRIFICED ON A FLAMING COUCH BEING DRAGGED THROUGH THE WOODS BY A FORD F150.
Arsenicjade: Yes. Why F150, tho? Why not 550? I mean, c'mon. If people are going to follow us, we need a huge bed and a lot of, er, horsepower
Amand-r: IS THAT WHAT WE'RE CALLING IT THESE DAYS?
Arsenicjade: That's what Abigail of Sofaland Church is calling it.
Amand-r: OUR LADY ABIGAIL WIGGINS III OF THE CHURCH OF THE DIVINE IMMACULATE FLAMING SOFA...OF THE STIGMATA EXORCISM. THING POPE.
THAT'S OUR CHURCH TITLE.
Arsenicjade: Yes, that was what I meant
5. arsenicjade and I both have college degrees. In English, no less. See what the Samsung Rant has reduced us to:
Arsenicjade: Give me a clever answer for the question "u know what was rly cool abt the movie 28 days later?"
Amand-r: ZOMBIES THAT RUN.
Amand-r: Also, an incubation period of ten seconds.
Arsenicjade: Ty for that. how r u?
Amand-r: Shopping. you? what was that about?
Arsenicjade: Emmy's husband asked me at brunch
Amand-r: Tell him its terrifying. fucking terrifying.
Arsenicjade: I have done a dramatic reading if that statement for u
Amand-r: Good. because it cannot be stressed enough. ZOMBIES THAT FUCKING RUN, ABIGAIL WIGGINS, III.
Arsenicjade: They were a little scared by my dramatic reading of that
Amand-r: THEY SHOULD BE.
Arsenicjade: Hee. We have discussed that welsh zombies would sort of be the height of ur…phobias…huh?
Amand-r: Why welsh zombies? They're already cannibals, Abigail Wiggins III.
Arsenicjade: They're a trifecta - welsh, cannibals and zombies
Amand-r: JSYK, methos is welsh. there's nothing wrong with the welsh innately.
Arsenicjade: Right, not until they start eating flesh
Amand-r: Yeah, but how often does that happen, really? once a decade?
Arsenicjade: U tell me. ur the one that thinks it happens
Amand-r: Every ten years.
Arsenicjade: Well, okay
Jesus. Look at all that netspeak, and lack of periods! WTF!?!
6. Carl Wilson, I have one word in the defense of sentimentality: ROCKAPELLA
7. I am a geek. What kind of tattoo should I get? Somewhere on there is a series of generic symbols: power, play, stop, I think. They rule hard.
8. Mum comes home from the UK today! I pick her ass up at 8. She sent me the following picture, from Stratford-on-avon(calling!):
AT-AT vs. dalek! Who would win? With those proportions, I think it's a no-brainer. With REAL (lol real) proportions, it would be ON. Unicorn vs. werewolf for REALS. HIGHLANDER WAS A DOCUMENTARY, AND ITS EVENTS WERE RECORDED IN REEEEEAL TIME.
9. PENGUINS! YES! FTW! BRING IT!