Sarkney summer ficathon entry (finally)
un-betaed, I haven't even given it a read-through. Please, if you catch mistakes, let me know.
I will give you cookies.
Title: And you feel like no one before
Author: Amalia Kensington
Ship: Sarkney.
Rating: R
Spoilers: post-4x15 "A man of his word"
Summary: Sydney takes the biggest gamble of her life.
Written for julia_thorne13's Sarkney Spring/Summer Ficathon 2005.
Request made by: scarletumbrella.
The requirements:
Up to 3 things he/she wants to see in the fic:
1. cherry blossoms
2. Sark running
3. tears (whose is your choice)
Up to 3 things he/she does NOT want to see in the fic:
1. Lauren
2. Rambaldi
3. Sark and Syd meeting on a mission (that old cliche)
Timeline: S4, past-Man of his Word (i.e. after Sark re-escapes)
I: "You disappeared from me"
Her pen had frozen in its place on the paper, leaving a dark red stain as the ink spread. She’d have to apologize for it later. But that wasn’t really on her mind at the moment. Her attention was focused solely on the man in front of her.
She blinked and he was still standing in front of her desk, a dark spot within the colorful walls.
She finally regained her composure and put down her pen, pushing her work aside.
“What are you doing here?” she managed to ask.
He didn’t answer right away but bore into her with his eyes, trying so hard to see through her. He’d never been able to, so she didn’t see why he should start now. Not when he was so transparent himself.
His jaw was clenched, and there were bags under his eyes. His pulse was jumping, she could nearly see it, and the look of absolute disdain for her was not missed at all. Once upon a time, seeing him like this had hurt her. Now…well, too much had happened since then. It should have made her sad. But it didn’t.
“You shouldn’t be here, Vaughn. Please leave,” she says flatly, hoping that he’ll understand once and for all that she doesn’t want him anywhere near her.
“Just so that we’re clear,” he says in a hard voice. “I’m not here for you.”
Sydney stood up from her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’ll ask you again: what are you doing here? Because, so help me God, Vaughn, if this is about what happened…”
“Guess what, Bristow? It’s not always all about you,” he snapped, stepping closer to her. “But I’ll leave as soon as I see my son.”
Now it was Sydney’s turn to be angry with him. “Get out,” she ordered him. Her tone was dangerous and she hadn’t used it in over three years, since the last time she’d been out on a mission. Back before leaving the Agency. Back before leaving everything behind.
"I'm not going anywhere," he ground out.
She grabbed him by the arm and led him out of her office, smiling a bit to her assistant. "Not a word," she hissed at him as she led him to the elevator and down stairs, pulling him into a semi deserted side street.
“I won’t let you keep me from my son anymore, Sydney,” he said as soon as they were out of general earshot of the masses of people leaving their jobs and going home int the busy downtown. He tried to intimidate her by stepping closer.
She stood her ground and sneered at him. “Your son,” she scoffed. “You have absolutely no rights to him.”
“I have every right. I’m his father, and you’ve kept him away from me since he was born, Sydney,” he said, growing more impatient and letting his frustration show. “And it’s cruel. I understand that you don’t love me anymore, but I have a right to be in his life.”
Sydney’s lips formed a thin line. “His life is better without you, Vaughn. Without everything that you are and represent. That is why I left. That is why you have to leave now.” She had taken steps to make sure that she wouldn’t be easy to find. But apparently, she’d given Vaughn too little credit. Weiss must have helped him.
“I know he’s not with you, Sydney,” Vaughn went on, “You abandoned him too? How can you claim to be protecting him from anything?”
“He’s safe,” Sydney replied.
“Safe?” Vaughn scoffed. “He’s not with either of us. He’s not with Jack. How could he possibly be safe? So where is he, Sydney? Where is he being kept ‘safe’? And so help me, if he’s with Irina Derevko, there will be hell to pay.”
Sydney was getting tired of this. It woudln't be long before someone came dwon to look for her. She had to end this once and for all.
“It doesn’t matter whether or not he’s with my mother. He’s my child. I will leave him with whomever I find appropriate without asking you or anyone else. He’s with someone who’s keeping him safe and where no one can find him. So, I would appreciate it if you stayed out of both of our lives. It’s no longer your concern.”
“Why are you doing this, Sydney? Are you trying to get back at me for Lauren? For everything that happened? Don’t you think what you did while I was away was enough? I don’t care about that. Or about you leaving me. It doesn’t matter anymore,” he said.
“Of course it matters. I know you. It matters to you. It it didn’t, you wouldn’t be so angry,” she replied.
“For the last time Sydney, you can’t keep me from my son, Sydney. I will find him,” he told her, his threat hanging in the air heavily.
“You don’t get it, do you Vaughn?” she said in a low voice, her patience with him coming to an end. “He can’t be found. And you have no right to ask for him.”
“He’s our son,” Vaughn repeated for the umpteenth time.
“No! Get it through your head, Vaughn, for the last time,” she interrupted. “He’s my son. Not yours. Never yours.”
He looked like she’d physically hurt him. In a way, she supposed she had.
“That’s impossible,” Vaughn said as soon as he’d recovered. But his voice began to waver in its certainty.
“It is possible. Beyond any doubt, really. There are tests. My father can get them to you. But it’s obvious as soon as you see him,” Sydney went on, knowing she was being cruel, but not caring.
Vaughn was visibly trying to restrain himself. From what, she could only guess. She’d seen what he’d done to his wife after he’d found out about her lies. Sydney was not eager for a repeat performance.
She lowered her voice to a gentler tone. “Please, Vaughn. For the last time, leave. There’s nothing more for us to say to each other.”
She thought he’d retaliate, that he’d threaten her at least. But he didn’t. Instead, he just turned around and walked away from her without another word.
He walked into the trong of people that were streaming out the downtown buildings, the five o'clock rush hour beginning. Watching him being engulfed by the masses, she couldn’t help but think that she’d been the one to finish breaking him.
It wasn’t something she could ever be proud of.
II: "You steal right under my door"
= ALMOST THREE YEARS AGO =
She held him close to her chest.
He was so small, so perfect. And he was her everything. She never thought being a mother could ever feel this way.
She had no idea her heart could feel so much.
A year ago, when she had first found out she was pregnant, she’d panicked. Who was going to help her? Could she really be a mom? Could she bring a child into the world that she lived in? Two months before she gave birth, she decided that she couldn’t. So she quit the Agency for good.
Had she known that having a kid was the easy out of the spy-world, she would have done it long ago. No one gave her any kind of trouble about anything…except maybe telling Vaughn.
It was a bit hard to do that, considering that he had been off on a year long deep cover mission. When he’d been assigned to it, he’d refused. But Sydney had talked him into it, eventually. She said it would be good for him, for the team, for them.
She’d missed him terribly the first month or so. And then one morning she woke up and he still wasn’t there…but she hadn’t really noticed.
In fact she found that she had to remind herself to miss Vaughn. That is, of course until the morning sickness began.
When the doctor had told her that she was three weeks pregnant, she hadn’t wanted to believe it. But the physical evidence was impossible to ignore. Including the part where she did the math and figured out that there was no possible way that Vaughn could be the father.
But all of this was something she had been able to manage. After much hyperventilating, a few rounds of target practice (physical attacks on the punching bags being strictly forbidden), and an emotional breakdown in the middle of a briefing, she was able to get a handle on things. She handed in her resignation and spent the last three months of her pregnancy in her apartment, binging on ice cream and daytime soaps.
The birth itself was surprisingly easy. The doctor said it was because of her wonderful physical shape. She knows it was really due to the drugs they gave her. Her father informed her that Vaughn’s mission would be extended for another five months at least. It was a welcome relief that she wouldn’t have to face him yet.
When she got back from the hospital there were six bouquets of flowers waiting for her: sunflowers from Dixon, daisies and marigolds from Marshall, roses from her father, an ungodly large bouquet of gladiolas from Sloane (she’d snorted and tossed out the sappy card), and lilies from Nadia and Weiss. All had been scattered throughout her living room, filling the place with a sweet fragrance.
The last one arrived the same day she’d arrived. In fact, she’d woken up from her nap, and there it was, sitting on her dresser: a bouquet of cherry blossoms, the pink blossoms making her realize for the first time just how dark her room really was.
The card laying next to it had no name, just a number (a phone number, she later figured out) and the letters “JS” scrawled on the back.
It was like something some guy you met at a bar would do. It had actually made her laugh out loud at how cheesy it was.
She hadn’t seen him since he’d left Anna Espinosa practically gift wrapped for her in Venice. She should have thrown away the card, or turned it in to have the number traced. But she didn’t.
Her life with a child was more different than she could have ever imagined. There was so much that she didn’t know, but was happy to learn.
And it was all fine until last week.
She had let her guard down, had thought her biggest problem once leaving the Agency would be Sloane.
She was wrong. Very wrong.
They were obviously out for her. It was the first night that she’d had to herself since giving birth. Nadia and Weiss were babysitting at home, and she’d gone to see a movie. On the way back to her car, they came out her.
She never got a good look at the other two that were there, but she did see the one she slammed three bullets into. She was glad she still carried her gun.
She didn’t know who he was. Her father had said that he was a hired hitman. Could have been anybody. She didn’t let it faze her too much.
But when they broke into her father’s house three days later, she decided that it couldn’t be ignored. She didn’t know who could possibly be after her. But they were following her, that was for sure, and they weren’t above attacking the people close to her. The reasons were anyone’s guess. No one mentioned it, but Sydney had a strong suspicion that it had a lot to do with her son and his mysterious conception. For all she knew, remnants of the Covenant could be back.
For now, they only appeared to be after her. That she could handle. But it the knowledge that eventually they might come after her son threatened to paralyze her with fear.
She had to take action, and she had to take it fast. Before it was too late.
Sydney broke out of her reverie. She was glad to see that her son had finally fallen asleep. Carefully, she placed him back in his crib, making sure that he was comfortable. She peeked out of her bedroom door, listening carefully. Nadia still hadn’t come in from the office, even though it was late. The house was deathly quiet.
After days of mulling over her options, alone, Sydney was surprised at how little thought she gave to her next course of action. She was being impulsive and trusting her gut as she pulled out the small white business card and dialed the number.
She bit her lip as it rang, catching sight of herself in the mirror. She hardly recognized herself anymore.
But he answered the phone, and the thought was lost.
It was a relatively easy call. He honestly hadn’t thought she’d ever call him. She asked him to meet her the next night. He agreed. He didn’t ask why.
Her hand visibly shook as she put down the phone. She wasn’t sure that this was the best course of action. But gazing down at her sleeping son, his soft dark hair silky between her fingers, her fears slowly rising again…with a deep breath she told herself that she was doing the right thing.
_________TBC_______
A/N: What. The. Hell.
I have absolutely NO idea why the hell this story has been so hard for me to write. It's the simplest idea ever. But I just can't seem to get it together. I've had WAAAAY too much on my mind, and things to do, and the world is falling apart, blah blah blah.
Anyway, I thought that the least I could do is prove that I have indeed been working on this story.
More up soon. ETA: read III
cheers.
--Lex
PS--Love it? Hate it? Think I shouldn't quit my day job? Let me know. Even it's just a :). I want to know who's reading.
I will give you cookies.
Title: And you feel like no one before
Author: Amalia Kensington
Ship: Sarkney.
Rating: R
Spoilers: post-4x15 "A man of his word"
Summary: Sydney takes the biggest gamble of her life.
Written for julia_thorne13's Sarkney Spring/Summer Ficathon 2005.
Request made by: scarletumbrella.
The requirements:
Up to 3 things he/she wants to see in the fic:
1. cherry blossoms
2. Sark running
3. tears (whose is your choice)
Up to 3 things he/she does NOT want to see in the fic:
1. Lauren
2. Rambaldi
3. Sark and Syd meeting on a mission (that old cliche)
Timeline: S4, past-Man of his Word (i.e. after Sark re-escapes)
I: "You disappeared from me"
Her pen had frozen in its place on the paper, leaving a dark red stain as the ink spread. She’d have to apologize for it later. But that wasn’t really on her mind at the moment. Her attention was focused solely on the man in front of her.
She blinked and he was still standing in front of her desk, a dark spot within the colorful walls.
She finally regained her composure and put down her pen, pushing her work aside.
“What are you doing here?” she managed to ask.
He didn’t answer right away but bore into her with his eyes, trying so hard to see through her. He’d never been able to, so she didn’t see why he should start now. Not when he was so transparent himself.
His jaw was clenched, and there were bags under his eyes. His pulse was jumping, she could nearly see it, and the look of absolute disdain for her was not missed at all. Once upon a time, seeing him like this had hurt her. Now…well, too much had happened since then. It should have made her sad. But it didn’t.
“You shouldn’t be here, Vaughn. Please leave,” she says flatly, hoping that he’ll understand once and for all that she doesn’t want him anywhere near her.
“Just so that we’re clear,” he says in a hard voice. “I’m not here for you.”
Sydney stood up from her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’ll ask you again: what are you doing here? Because, so help me God, Vaughn, if this is about what happened…”
“Guess what, Bristow? It’s not always all about you,” he snapped, stepping closer to her. “But I’ll leave as soon as I see my son.”
Now it was Sydney’s turn to be angry with him. “Get out,” she ordered him. Her tone was dangerous and she hadn’t used it in over three years, since the last time she’d been out on a mission. Back before leaving the Agency. Back before leaving everything behind.
"I'm not going anywhere," he ground out.
She grabbed him by the arm and led him out of her office, smiling a bit to her assistant. "Not a word," she hissed at him as she led him to the elevator and down stairs, pulling him into a semi deserted side street.
“I won’t let you keep me from my son anymore, Sydney,” he said as soon as they were out of general earshot of the masses of people leaving their jobs and going home int the busy downtown. He tried to intimidate her by stepping closer.
She stood her ground and sneered at him. “Your son,” she scoffed. “You have absolutely no rights to him.”
“I have every right. I’m his father, and you’ve kept him away from me since he was born, Sydney,” he said, growing more impatient and letting his frustration show. “And it’s cruel. I understand that you don’t love me anymore, but I have a right to be in his life.”
Sydney’s lips formed a thin line. “His life is better without you, Vaughn. Without everything that you are and represent. That is why I left. That is why you have to leave now.” She had taken steps to make sure that she wouldn’t be easy to find. But apparently, she’d given Vaughn too little credit. Weiss must have helped him.
“I know he’s not with you, Sydney,” Vaughn went on, “You abandoned him too? How can you claim to be protecting him from anything?”
“He’s safe,” Sydney replied.
“Safe?” Vaughn scoffed. “He’s not with either of us. He’s not with Jack. How could he possibly be safe? So where is he, Sydney? Where is he being kept ‘safe’? And so help me, if he’s with Irina Derevko, there will be hell to pay.”
Sydney was getting tired of this. It woudln't be long before someone came dwon to look for her. She had to end this once and for all.
“It doesn’t matter whether or not he’s with my mother. He’s my child. I will leave him with whomever I find appropriate without asking you or anyone else. He’s with someone who’s keeping him safe and where no one can find him. So, I would appreciate it if you stayed out of both of our lives. It’s no longer your concern.”
“Why are you doing this, Sydney? Are you trying to get back at me for Lauren? For everything that happened? Don’t you think what you did while I was away was enough? I don’t care about that. Or about you leaving me. It doesn’t matter anymore,” he said.
“Of course it matters. I know you. It matters to you. It it didn’t, you wouldn’t be so angry,” she replied.
“For the last time Sydney, you can’t keep me from my son, Sydney. I will find him,” he told her, his threat hanging in the air heavily.
“You don’t get it, do you Vaughn?” she said in a low voice, her patience with him coming to an end. “He can’t be found. And you have no right to ask for him.”
“He’s our son,” Vaughn repeated for the umpteenth time.
“No! Get it through your head, Vaughn, for the last time,” she interrupted. “He’s my son. Not yours. Never yours.”
He looked like she’d physically hurt him. In a way, she supposed she had.
“That’s impossible,” Vaughn said as soon as he’d recovered. But his voice began to waver in its certainty.
“It is possible. Beyond any doubt, really. There are tests. My father can get them to you. But it’s obvious as soon as you see him,” Sydney went on, knowing she was being cruel, but not caring.
Vaughn was visibly trying to restrain himself. From what, she could only guess. She’d seen what he’d done to his wife after he’d found out about her lies. Sydney was not eager for a repeat performance.
She lowered her voice to a gentler tone. “Please, Vaughn. For the last time, leave. There’s nothing more for us to say to each other.”
She thought he’d retaliate, that he’d threaten her at least. But he didn’t. Instead, he just turned around and walked away from her without another word.
He walked into the trong of people that were streaming out the downtown buildings, the five o'clock rush hour beginning. Watching him being engulfed by the masses, she couldn’t help but think that she’d been the one to finish breaking him.
It wasn’t something she could ever be proud of.
II: "You steal right under my door"
= ALMOST THREE YEARS AGO =
She held him close to her chest.
He was so small, so perfect. And he was her everything. She never thought being a mother could ever feel this way.
She had no idea her heart could feel so much.
A year ago, when she had first found out she was pregnant, she’d panicked. Who was going to help her? Could she really be a mom? Could she bring a child into the world that she lived in? Two months before she gave birth, she decided that she couldn’t. So she quit the Agency for good.
Had she known that having a kid was the easy out of the spy-world, she would have done it long ago. No one gave her any kind of trouble about anything…except maybe telling Vaughn.
It was a bit hard to do that, considering that he had been off on a year long deep cover mission. When he’d been assigned to it, he’d refused. But Sydney had talked him into it, eventually. She said it would be good for him, for the team, for them.
She’d missed him terribly the first month or so. And then one morning she woke up and he still wasn’t there…but she hadn’t really noticed.
In fact she found that she had to remind herself to miss Vaughn. That is, of course until the morning sickness began.
When the doctor had told her that she was three weeks pregnant, she hadn’t wanted to believe it. But the physical evidence was impossible to ignore. Including the part where she did the math and figured out that there was no possible way that Vaughn could be the father.
But all of this was something she had been able to manage. After much hyperventilating, a few rounds of target practice (physical attacks on the punching bags being strictly forbidden), and an emotional breakdown in the middle of a briefing, she was able to get a handle on things. She handed in her resignation and spent the last three months of her pregnancy in her apartment, binging on ice cream and daytime soaps.
The birth itself was surprisingly easy. The doctor said it was because of her wonderful physical shape. She knows it was really due to the drugs they gave her. Her father informed her that Vaughn’s mission would be extended for another five months at least. It was a welcome relief that she wouldn’t have to face him yet.
When she got back from the hospital there were six bouquets of flowers waiting for her: sunflowers from Dixon, daisies and marigolds from Marshall, roses from her father, an ungodly large bouquet of gladiolas from Sloane (she’d snorted and tossed out the sappy card), and lilies from Nadia and Weiss. All had been scattered throughout her living room, filling the place with a sweet fragrance.
The last one arrived the same day she’d arrived. In fact, she’d woken up from her nap, and there it was, sitting on her dresser: a bouquet of cherry blossoms, the pink blossoms making her realize for the first time just how dark her room really was.
The card laying next to it had no name, just a number (a phone number, she later figured out) and the letters “JS” scrawled on the back.
It was like something some guy you met at a bar would do. It had actually made her laugh out loud at how cheesy it was.
She hadn’t seen him since he’d left Anna Espinosa practically gift wrapped for her in Venice. She should have thrown away the card, or turned it in to have the number traced. But she didn’t.
Her life with a child was more different than she could have ever imagined. There was so much that she didn’t know, but was happy to learn.
And it was all fine until last week.
She had let her guard down, had thought her biggest problem once leaving the Agency would be Sloane.
She was wrong. Very wrong.
They were obviously out for her. It was the first night that she’d had to herself since giving birth. Nadia and Weiss were babysitting at home, and she’d gone to see a movie. On the way back to her car, they came out her.
She never got a good look at the other two that were there, but she did see the one she slammed three bullets into. She was glad she still carried her gun.
She didn’t know who he was. Her father had said that he was a hired hitman. Could have been anybody. She didn’t let it faze her too much.
But when they broke into her father’s house three days later, she decided that it couldn’t be ignored. She didn’t know who could possibly be after her. But they were following her, that was for sure, and they weren’t above attacking the people close to her. The reasons were anyone’s guess. No one mentioned it, but Sydney had a strong suspicion that it had a lot to do with her son and his mysterious conception. For all she knew, remnants of the Covenant could be back.
For now, they only appeared to be after her. That she could handle. But it the knowledge that eventually they might come after her son threatened to paralyze her with fear.
She had to take action, and she had to take it fast. Before it was too late.
Sydney broke out of her reverie. She was glad to see that her son had finally fallen asleep. Carefully, she placed him back in his crib, making sure that he was comfortable. She peeked out of her bedroom door, listening carefully. Nadia still hadn’t come in from the office, even though it was late. The house was deathly quiet.
After days of mulling over her options, alone, Sydney was surprised at how little thought she gave to her next course of action. She was being impulsive and trusting her gut as she pulled out the small white business card and dialed the number.
She bit her lip as it rang, catching sight of herself in the mirror. She hardly recognized herself anymore.
But he answered the phone, and the thought was lost.
It was a relatively easy call. He honestly hadn’t thought she’d ever call him. She asked him to meet her the next night. He agreed. He didn’t ask why.
Her hand visibly shook as she put down the phone. She wasn’t sure that this was the best course of action. But gazing down at her sleeping son, his soft dark hair silky between her fingers, her fears slowly rising again…with a deep breath she told herself that she was doing the right thing.
_________TBC_______
A/N: What. The. Hell.
I have absolutely NO idea why the hell this story has been so hard for me to write. It's the simplest idea ever. But I just can't seem to get it together. I've had WAAAAY too much on my mind, and things to do, and the world is falling apart, blah blah blah.
Anyway, I thought that the least I could do is prove that I have indeed been working on this story.
More up soon. ETA: read III
cheers.
--Lex
PS--Love it? Hate it? Think I shouldn't quit my day job? Let me know. Even it's just a :). I want to know who's reading.