(no subject)
somebody kill me please.
thats just from a song, and i dont mean it literally. but my god, my family sucks sometimes.
stress because im going to spain? yes. mostly that. because i cant remember the last time my family fought this much, and the last time i was involved in any of the fighting directly.
my mom and sister are practically cat fighting.
and my dad has completely lost his mind.
"since you only have ten days left here, we should ___________."
and if i say that i dont want to, or that i have other plans, my dad gets silent and icy and wont talk to me. im not kidding. and its not like i havent been spending plenty of time with him. he just wants alllll of it, and he wants to spend it doing what he wants to do.
i know its just because hes going to miss me, and hes already missing me now, but its driving me INSANE.
i never fight with either of my parents. although im still not fighting with my mom, the fighting with my dad is overwhelming. and such a weird weird thing. it feels like some alternate reality. not only is the fighting weird, but my parents are so uncontrolling its ridiculous. ive been running myself for years and have only recently started getting in trouble for doing what i want. i know its like "boo fucking hoo, janae. youve had it really easy," but imagine having it that easy and then all of the sudden having it change. its mind blowing. frustrating. hurtful. and most of all, i resent it. ive never felt this claustrophobic (figuratively, of course) in my life.
i really dont know how well i can handle this. still, i cant afford to fall apart now, so i wont.
besides, really only a week and a half to go. its not that i want to leave my family (im probably going to be homesick to the point of some variation of physical sickness, and im not looking forward to that). its just that i want this surreal madness to end. sooner than later.
i hope everyone is doing wonderfully. i know im going to miss you all. :)
thats just from a song, and i dont mean it literally. but my god, my family sucks sometimes.
stress because im going to spain? yes. mostly that. because i cant remember the last time my family fought this much, and the last time i was involved in any of the fighting directly.
my mom and sister are practically cat fighting.
and my dad has completely lost his mind.
"since you only have ten days left here, we should ___________."
and if i say that i dont want to, or that i have other plans, my dad gets silent and icy and wont talk to me. im not kidding. and its not like i havent been spending plenty of time with him. he just wants alllll of it, and he wants to spend it doing what he wants to do.
i know its just because hes going to miss me, and hes already missing me now, but its driving me INSANE.
i never fight with either of my parents. although im still not fighting with my mom, the fighting with my dad is overwhelming. and such a weird weird thing. it feels like some alternate reality. not only is the fighting weird, but my parents are so uncontrolling its ridiculous. ive been running myself for years and have only recently started getting in trouble for doing what i want. i know its like "boo fucking hoo, janae. youve had it really easy," but imagine having it that easy and then all of the sudden having it change. its mind blowing. frustrating. hurtful. and most of all, i resent it. ive never felt this claustrophobic (figuratively, of course) in my life.
i really dont know how well i can handle this. still, i cant afford to fall apart now, so i wont.
besides, really only a week and a half to go. its not that i want to leave my family (im probably going to be homesick to the point of some variation of physical sickness, and im not looking forward to that). its just that i want this surreal madness to end. sooner than later.
i hope everyone is doing wonderfully. i know im going to miss you all. :)