Lately it's hard to disconnect/ I just want something real...
Jesus frikken' christ, how is it the end of November already? Didn't this year just start? Where has it gone? What the hell?
I can't believe that it hasn't even been a month since I've been back from Oregon -it feels like an eternity. It's hard to cope with knowing that the place I want to be has been established, but I just can't be there. In a way, it was easier when I knew that all I wanted was OUT OF FLORIDA, and that Oregon was this abstract idea in my head. Now, it's like... I want to go to Dutch Brothers, I know that I want to go to Greater Good, and the cute little accessories shop next door. I know that I want to go to McMenamins North Bank, and this time sit outside (although maybe not at this time of year). I know how to get to Seattle, I wanna drive up there, and go to the market, and go to Perennial again. I want to hang out with Kate, and talk about doing that Gorey border. I want to chill with Amy and Alex again. Which makes this current dissatisfaction so much freaking harder. And it's like... I'm not mad, I'm not sad or depressed, what I am is hugely impatient. I'm so close to just dropping everything and working for like, mcdonald's or something when I get there. I don't care what I start at, I just need out.
At least it's been a pretty awesome month. We completly redid the henna shop, and it's actually clean and you can get stuff, and it looks like a shop! Not just an icky junk collection. And Conneah took home some of the truly horrendous shit we had piled in there, so now we have more pretties on display! I think I'll take pictures on Tuesday, maybe post them. I have yet to put the closures on my awesome gwazi coat, mostly becase I haven't had any time. But I think I may take my stuff with me and do it at the shop during the downtime -hopefully Universal won't think my sewing kit is and INSTRUMENT OF DANGEEEER. But I'm really glad about a lot of the changes. The artists/readers that stress me the most are basically gone, which is nice, and I'm working with Michelle, who is truly an amazing and gifted person. She makes it so easy to come in and work there, and she's amazingly understanding when I start whining about how much I want to not be in Florida, lol.
What else... I posted about Dan and Holly and Heather coming up, which was FABULOUS. Dan and Heather still have days on their tickets for Disney, so they're going to try and come up sometime in December to use them -Alex, wanna go? I think mom can spare me two comps after that nightmare she pulled on me at the gate. >.< I'm really looking forward to seeing them, and it's really awesome to be able to have one more kickass person to hang out with -I'm glad that Dan is finally dating someone so. awesome and clearly ...not batshit insane? lol So, looking forward to that.
Went to see Alex the other night at Stardust -which is an AMAZING PLACE GO THERE- and spent about 7 hours just talking. Everything. Eveerything. Talked about boys, our former relationships, her current one, my somewhat unexpected pleasure at being alone, sex, went through my sketchbook, boobs, talked about working on a project together, tea, movies, sex, disappointment, parents, education, my Oregon plans, her going with me to visit, sex.... lots of stuff. It's so amazing to see her now, because it's like... this is my Alex. This isn't the supressed version that she's been for so long now. She's joyful and laughing, and we truly can talk about ANYTHING now. For a while there were topics that were... not really taboo, but that we just didn't feel comfortable bringing up with each other. And I'm so freaking happy that that wierd awkward period is over -I really felt like I'd closed down a part of me, the part that relates to her. Those seven hours were some of the best in recent memory, because it felt like ... I had my best friend back. So yeah. /mushy shit
Saw Rei and Connor too! Things are starting to work out a little better for her too, but I think there's still a long way to go for her. I can't wait to see her though, there are tentative plans for tomorrow night, which would be great. :D Conoor is so adorable. She came over a few weeks back for hot dogs, and he was just the sweetest thing ever -a total con artist just like his mom. A little klutzy too, but it's endearing. He is gonna be such a freaking heartbreaker when he's older. Tall, too. He's already pretty tall for his age -or maybe he's average, and I know nothing about 2 year olds? Mom was really excited -I think she was half in love with him. She's really wanting grandkids, I think. I kind of feel obligated to have one, someday, but... I'm really, really not interested. I could see myself adopting, but.... no. No, i can't even really see that, lol.
Whatever. Life's nto so bad. I'm jsut a drama queen. :D
[andrea]