And right on cue everything blows up in my face.
Kirk is back in MA now.
This week was like living in a time warp. The last two years didn't exist. We were never apart.
It was great to hear his stories and share mine with him. We both dated jewish people that made us miserable. For waaaaaay too long. His girlfriend up there was actaully a one-night-stand that lasted a year and a half. She's a Manhattan JAP who is into handbags. That's right. Handbags. How did he date that? Oh man. We had some good laughs at that this week.
And being together again reminded us about everything we loved about each other and about our selves. I missed his sense of humor so much. We always clicked so well. We still have our connection, think the same things, see things the same way.
Everything is so much better when it's with someone you love. (Turns out I'm not asexual after all ;-)) So much more meaningful. So much more desireable. So amazing.
I can't say that the drive home was the hardest I've ever cried, but it's definately in the top five.
We both needed this week together.
I wouldn't trade it for anything.
But it seems it cost me TJ.
This saddens me deeply. TJ was the one person who didn't get completely whored while Kirk was home. I answered his texts throughout the week, and hung out with him Monday.
But apparently there was more going on between us than I thought there was. Apparently he likes me a lot more than I thought he did.
He never said anything.
Until today.
"I'm crazy about you girl. I mean, I really thought we had something good. But I've been having an anxiety attack for the last six days waiting for something."
shit
He's my best friend and I enjoy his company but it's not love. At least not on my end. I told him that I won't be able to be any more than a friend to him, and he said that if that's the case that he can't hang out with me like we used to. He doesn't understand why I can't let go of the past and focus on building something new. It's not even that. I can't just give him my heart when it's not currently mine to give. And I could just as easily have kept my mouth shut and kept going through the motions, but he deserves better than to be my silver medal. He said that himself. But he said he's not willing to just give me up like that, and that he'll call me in a few days.
But then he ended something about "girl I liked in high school," "notch on my belt," and "that shit gets old." He hung right up, and I didn't catch the whole thing, but it rubbed me the wrong way. The very wrong way. So I don't know. I'll see what happens when we get back in touch. I think it'll be easier for the both of us if we just go our seperate ways. Especially if he's the kind of guy who just sleeps with girls. He brought up Felicia, a girl that was sort of staying with him when he and I started hanging out. He had never mentioned her in a serious way before, just that he was helping out a friend, but today he said, "I had something real good with Felicia, but I blew her off for you." First of all: Gross. Second of all: What do you want me to say? I told him he should call her back up then, and he said, "No. Then I'd just be thinking of you the whole time."
I didn't think Kirk would come back into my life, but he did. And I'm happy he did. I'm really, REALLY happy he did. And I wouldn't take it back for anything. Not even for TJ. Not even for my best friend.
"Just remember, when things get bleak at Curry, that Amy still loves you."
This week was like living in a time warp. The last two years didn't exist. We were never apart.
It was great to hear his stories and share mine with him. We both dated jewish people that made us miserable. For waaaaaay too long. His girlfriend up there was actaully a one-night-stand that lasted a year and a half. She's a Manhattan JAP who is into handbags. That's right. Handbags. How did he date that? Oh man. We had some good laughs at that this week.
And being together again reminded us about everything we loved about each other and about our selves. I missed his sense of humor so much. We always clicked so well. We still have our connection, think the same things, see things the same way.
Everything is so much better when it's with someone you love. (Turns out I'm not asexual after all ;-)) So much more meaningful. So much more desireable. So amazing.
I can't say that the drive home was the hardest I've ever cried, but it's definately in the top five.
We both needed this week together.
I wouldn't trade it for anything.
But it seems it cost me TJ.
This saddens me deeply. TJ was the one person who didn't get completely whored while Kirk was home. I answered his texts throughout the week, and hung out with him Monday.
But apparently there was more going on between us than I thought there was. Apparently he likes me a lot more than I thought he did.
He never said anything.
Until today.
"I'm crazy about you girl. I mean, I really thought we had something good. But I've been having an anxiety attack for the last six days waiting for something."
shit
He's my best friend and I enjoy his company but it's not love. At least not on my end. I told him that I won't be able to be any more than a friend to him, and he said that if that's the case that he can't hang out with me like we used to. He doesn't understand why I can't let go of the past and focus on building something new. It's not even that. I can't just give him my heart when it's not currently mine to give. And I could just as easily have kept my mouth shut and kept going through the motions, but he deserves better than to be my silver medal. He said that himself. But he said he's not willing to just give me up like that, and that he'll call me in a few days.
But then he ended something about "girl I liked in high school," "notch on my belt," and "that shit gets old." He hung right up, and I didn't catch the whole thing, but it rubbed me the wrong way. The very wrong way. So I don't know. I'll see what happens when we get back in touch. I think it'll be easier for the both of us if we just go our seperate ways. Especially if he's the kind of guy who just sleeps with girls. He brought up Felicia, a girl that was sort of staying with him when he and I started hanging out. He had never mentioned her in a serious way before, just that he was helping out a friend, but today he said, "I had something real good with Felicia, but I blew her off for you." First of all: Gross. Second of all: What do you want me to say? I told him he should call her back up then, and he said, "No. Then I'd just be thinking of you the whole time."
I didn't think Kirk would come back into my life, but he did. And I'm happy he did. I'm really, REALLY happy he did. And I wouldn't take it back for anything. Not even for TJ. Not even for my best friend.
"Just remember, when things get bleak at Curry, that Amy still loves you."