Never really did ever quite get that far.
Oy bad place again.
Getting pear-shaped. Bizzare weight gain pattern.
::whine whine whine::
By myself at Mom's house. Jon came into my work today for no reason. I wish he was here now. If only for a sense of familiarity. My room is not my room anymore. This house is not my home anymore.
The closest thing to a home I have is Pebbles. And I spent all day there in painful silence with Kevin. By the time I got to my car, it felt like someone was sitting on my chest, and by the time I got to the first light I was in tears. This is the Sunday norm.
And I come home to a blog entry by Keith about how great we are. Boy has me on a pedastool so high the air is too thin to breathe. Everyone keeps telling me how nice he is, and how good he is. And how he's the kind of person you stay with for a long time. If I remember it correctly, I was just with someone like that, and completely fucked my life to leave him.
I just want to be allowed to be fucked up and ok at the same time. I had that for three weeks and I've never felt so fine. But apparently it wasn't real. And yet I would do it again, even knowing what I know now. I would take back a lot of things. A lot of boys. A lot of descions. But not Kevin. Despite it all, I still wouldn't take it back.
The truth is that you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath, I'd appologize for bleeding on your shirt.
Getting pear-shaped. Bizzare weight gain pattern.
::whine whine whine::
By myself at Mom's house. Jon came into my work today for no reason. I wish he was here now. If only for a sense of familiarity. My room is not my room anymore. This house is not my home anymore.
The closest thing to a home I have is Pebbles. And I spent all day there in painful silence with Kevin. By the time I got to my car, it felt like someone was sitting on my chest, and by the time I got to the first light I was in tears. This is the Sunday norm.
And I come home to a blog entry by Keith about how great we are. Boy has me on a pedastool so high the air is too thin to breathe. Everyone keeps telling me how nice he is, and how good he is. And how he's the kind of person you stay with for a long time. If I remember it correctly, I was just with someone like that, and completely fucked my life to leave him.
I just want to be allowed to be fucked up and ok at the same time. I had that for three weeks and I've never felt so fine. But apparently it wasn't real. And yet I would do it again, even knowing what I know now. I would take back a lot of things. A lot of boys. A lot of descions. But not Kevin. Despite it all, I still wouldn't take it back.
The truth is that you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath, I'd appologize for bleeding on your shirt.