(no subject)
someone help. i feel so hopeless, so utterly dejected and suicidal. right now I'm crying for no reason. i feel like I need to cry, but there's no reason to do so. sure, my mom just told me that our summer plan made not work out, but it's not as if I wanted to go that badly anyways. the fullness of my stomach bothers me, my boy bothers me, in fact everyone annoys me. i feel so out of touch, as if i'm utterly alone. i already know i'm purging tonight, just because i need the release.
i thought i'd feel less alone when i'm back home, but no, i feel equally alone. i feel ugly and fat, completely undesirable. i have suicidal thoughts floating thru my head, and i'm tempted, except then i'd hurt two people that dont' deserve this hurt. they've invested so much into me, and done so much for me. it'd be some kinda reward to find my limp lifeless body on the floor.
i want to go break up with my bf right now. partly b/c he annoys me and partly so i can make myself feel even worse. i want to punish myself and put myself in misery. i'm struck with the horror of my instability. who am i? since when did i become like this? it's terrifying.
i thought i'd feel less alone when i'm back home, but no, i feel equally alone. i feel ugly and fat, completely undesirable. i have suicidal thoughts floating thru my head, and i'm tempted, except then i'd hurt two people that dont' deserve this hurt. they've invested so much into me, and done so much for me. it'd be some kinda reward to find my limp lifeless body on the floor.
i want to go break up with my bf right now. partly b/c he annoys me and partly so i can make myself feel even worse. i want to punish myself and put myself in misery. i'm struck with the horror of my instability. who am i? since when did i become like this? it's terrifying.