Feb 20, 2008 11:23
Back in my ED world again... after spending 6 days w/bf. I'm at 115.2lb. Dont' know whether to laugh or cry. At least...I ate normal and dind't gain everything back? (everything would be 117 )
Yesterday during dinner, my bf and his friend was talking about a mutual guy friend who use to be real fat back in high school. In my mind I was like what? That guy is absolutely the thinnest and hottest guy ever. And then my bf went on to say that he never eats now. The friend agreed and said that he woulnd't eat for two days and would go to in-n-out and eat two double doubles on the third day. My mind was racing, but I felt so sad for him at the same time. Personally I think he's bulimic. Fasting 2 days really shrinks the stomach, he can't possibly fit those 2 burgers comfortably in one sitting. Did I mention that he smokes like a chimney? All the signs are there.
I hate being apart from my bf now, esp when I'm back in this shithole of a school. He's the only one who keeps me sane and apart from my food madness. I think I focus on my weight because I have nothing better to do. It is an easy diversion from this senseless school life, it keeps me occupied until I see him again. I'm completely reducing it to ... frivolousness, and yet at the same time, it's both more and less. I knwo I dont' make sense, it's complicated. Lmao. It's the first time I'm using that expression cuz it's so corny, but I think it describes the situation perfectly.