hypomanic babble.
I am so tense.
I see the endocrinologist tomorrow. I have no idea what to expect, but all day today I've had this idea of this little white-haired doctor (I have no idea what the man looks like) coming into the room where I sit in my paper gown and telling me I have thyroid cancer. That would be the ultimate irony. This thyroid thing has been built up so much, that it's going to help my rapid-cycling, but he could come in and say that and that would be the end of my world. And I know that's not going to happen, but I don't know, if that makes any sense, which it probably doesn't because I've had three different people tell me I'm not making sense today. I feel like there's a hand squeezing my heart and if I let myself slip for one second it's just going to pop. And I'm crying now goddammit why am I crying? It's been a long, long day and I just want Justin to hold me and tell me it's going to be okay and he's not even fucking here. God and I can't stop these thoughts, just random thoughts, that keep racing through my mind. It's going to be a long and lonely night, but what the fuck else is new. I can feel myself going hypomanic, probably because I've been taking too much of the new antidepressant to help me sleep. It's all my fucking fault.
There, I'm done now.
I see the endocrinologist tomorrow. I have no idea what to expect, but all day today I've had this idea of this little white-haired doctor (I have no idea what the man looks like) coming into the room where I sit in my paper gown and telling me I have thyroid cancer. That would be the ultimate irony. This thyroid thing has been built up so much, that it's going to help my rapid-cycling, but he could come in and say that and that would be the end of my world. And I know that's not going to happen, but I don't know, if that makes any sense, which it probably doesn't because I've had three different people tell me I'm not making sense today. I feel like there's a hand squeezing my heart and if I let myself slip for one second it's just going to pop. And I'm crying now goddammit why am I crying? It's been a long, long day and I just want Justin to hold me and tell me it's going to be okay and he's not even fucking here. God and I can't stop these thoughts, just random thoughts, that keep racing through my mind. It's going to be a long and lonely night, but what the fuck else is new. I can feel myself going hypomanic, probably because I've been taking too much of the new antidepressant to help me sleep. It's all my fucking fault.
There, I'm done now.