Rant, rant, rant
Wow, Sunday night. Real fascinating. You haven’t missed much since the last time I posted. More work, than dragging myself home half dead with exhausting. Collapsing into bed, then practically needing a firecracker lit under my butt to get up the next morning, and it all begins again. Cynical?!? Me, no!!! Just tired I guess.
So, my current “big problem” is this project outline I have to write. I think my main problem is that I’m so terrified of failure, and of criticism. Unfortunately, the last is assured, and the first is pretty much a certainty. I need to get over that, and that’s my problem. I know that my outline isn’t perfect, far from it. It needs a lot of work, and if I can already see flaws in it, then imagine what my examiners will find with it. However, the reality is that, when it comes to research at least, I’m a complete baby. It’s like being back in kindergarten again. However, I don’t know how to fix it, so I guess my best bet is to give it to my supervisor and just learn to live with it.
And, while I’m on it, that is my current pet peeve - people telling me that I need to stop worrying and that I just have to learn to deal with it!!! It isn’t that fucking simple! If I could do that, then this wouldn’t be a bloody problem. I’m trying to see it as a good thing though … I mean, if I didn’t truly care and feel passionate about it, then this wouldn’t all bother me so much.
I think I’ve just got to learn to turn myself off at night. You know, leave work completely behind me. Every day there is going to be something to worry about, but I can’t do that, or I’ll go completely crazy. I’ll always be a worrier, it’s who I am, but I need to be able to live with myself.
Oh, and this is completely random, but the new tourism ad for Canberra is really awesome cool. It’s kind of mellow and cynical, but really cool. It’s just on TV now. I think part of the reason why I like it is that I never realised what it was about the first time I saw it, until I was like, hey, I know that place. I like living in a city like this. Actually, I enjoy living in the kind of city area. I mean, I live on the third floor, and I’m surrounded by really tall buildings and stuff. It’s pretty cool.
Movie club starts again tomorrow. I’m not sure whether I’ll go or not. The movie is New Moon, which I want to see, but the first session is always a bit weird, with heaps of new students checking it out. It’s never as mellow as it usually is. I wonder how I’ll feel about going after being at work all day, but if I can’t get myself to go on Monday, how on earth will I ever go on Fridays or even Thursdays? I don’t think I’ll go nearly as much this year, but I still want to get a membership cause I reckon I’ll keep going on Saturdays at the very least. Even going once a week, it’s still pretty good value. I mean, it’s only sixty bucks for the whole year. Maybe I will, I think I’ve talked myself into it.
I made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner tonight, and it was totally awesome. Possibly the best meatballs I’ve ever tried, and I have been on a mission to find the best I could. This is definitely a candidate. I got this awesome student cookbook for Christmas, and it has the best recipes in it. And now, I’m going to go and make chocolate pudding. Clearly, I’m not a diet person!