I follow everything you're saying and the clarity of your writing isn't in question at all; what I would wonder about if I was the reader/grader of this paper is your assertion that "Marlow determines the Heart of Darkness to be the primal nature of humanity." To me, and to most people with whom I've ever discussed the book (i.e. AP English and my Conrad class here), it is impossible to name one heart of darkness in the novel, or even to clearly define any of them. You seem to imply that Marlow has made a definite decision on what the heart of darkness is, but if you are going to say that, you would have to be more clear in what its definition is. Is the HOD the colonial system in Africa? Is it the "night of first ages" that he witnesses on the shores of the river? Is it inside Kurtz? Inside the manager? Inside everyone (you seem to imply this at a few points)? I think you would do well to say that the HOD is either all of these things, or else limit your definition of it to just one of them (while admitting that there are others)--either way, a little more needs to be said. I think the broader your definition, the harder it becomes to back it up with textual evidence, since Marlow's language on the subject is extremely ambiguous and impressionistic.
My second point is this: You're right when you say that Marlow lies "to prevent the Intended from letting go of what it is that keeps the darkness from consuming her," but I don't feel like you're capturing Marlow's pity and condescension towards her well enough. Her ignorance is astounding to Marlow, so to say that he--a markedly unsentimental person--"sees her love and belief as a light that can counter the darkness in the human heart" without mentioning something of the low opinion that he holds of her and her flimsy, sentimental pretenses--to say this isn't quite enough. Does her love for Kurtz save her of its own accord, or does it also blind(fold) her--and that is what's really saving her. Saving illusions are an important part of Heart of Darkness, and the two other Conrad books I've read, and I think you've got it mostly right--it's just that some of your sentences imply a sentimentality in Marlow that obviously isn't there when you consider a lot of his other comments in the book ("Fine sentiments be hanged!"; "some fact that we men have been living with for years" tearing down womankind's idealistic world, etc.)
So yeah, that's all I have to say. I don't know whether you were looking for suggestions or not, but I have almost none, except that you make those two expansions to your claims. This is still a really really good essay, in my opinion, and no doubt in Mrs. Ulmer's opinion too, because the thought flow is perfect, the ideas go beyond the obvious, and the sentences are really clear, with no wasted words. So yeah ...
My second point is this: You're right when you say that Marlow lies "to prevent the Intended from letting go of what it is that keeps the darkness from consuming her," but I don't feel like you're capturing Marlow's pity and condescension towards her well enough. Her ignorance is astounding to Marlow, so to say that he--a markedly unsentimental person--"sees her love and belief as a light that can counter the darkness in the human heart" without mentioning something of the low opinion that he holds of her and her flimsy, sentimental pretenses--to say this isn't quite enough. Does her love for Kurtz save her of its own accord, or does it also blind(fold) her--and that is what's really saving her. Saving illusions are an important part of Heart of Darkness, and the two other Conrad books I've read, and I think you've got it mostly right--it's just that some of your sentences imply a sentimentality in Marlow that obviously isn't there when you consider a lot of his other comments in the book ("Fine sentiments be hanged!"; "some fact that we men have been living with for years" tearing down womankind's idealistic world, etc.)
So yeah, that's all I have to say. I don't know whether you were looking for suggestions or not, but I have almost none, except that you make those two expansions to your claims. This is still a really really good essay, in my opinion, and no doubt in Mrs. Ulmer's opinion too, because the thought flow is perfect, the ideas go beyond the obvious, and the sentences are really clear, with no wasted words. So yeah ...
- Burke
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