Breakable
Title: Breakable
Author: alyssa1515
Pairing: one-sided!JunSeung
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Words: 1,110
Summary: If only it was you and I. Unfortunately, not. (I suck in summaries)
Disclaimer: I will own them soon NEVER
A/N: This is my first attempt in writing a story so yea…..
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Thunder made it presence in the city of Seoul, where people were all around the city, all busy with their own respective businesses. Back in a room a boy was dancing his heart out. The louder were the thunders the more passionate he became. It didn’t matter to him whether people were running towards the nearest shelter to get away from the rain as he himself was already sheltered. Deeply absorbed with the desire to perfect his dance routine he was oblivious to the presence of a second person in the room. The other person could just watch him with a disgusted look plastered on his face. It wasn’t because that this person was better than him in terms of dancing skills or singing skills. It was just that he’s annoyed by the fact that the others trying too hard and it just kills him to be seeing the other struggling to prove himself.
“Seung, you should seriously stop” the intruder stated after observing the boy for almost an hour. “You’ve been dancing for the past 8 hours. It’s gonna kill you even before our comeback”. Ignoring the other boy HyunSeung continued to dance his heart out. What the intruder didn’t know was that HyunSeung had already noticed his presence the second he stepped his foot into the practice room. And what the other didn’t know was that the sole reason he continued to dance was to impress him. After several growls and hisses from the other boy, HyunSeung finally stopped dancing.
“Jun, I know you care for me but please? Another 15 minutes?” he begged. “Another 15 minutes and that’s it for today” Even though he wasn’t giving those puppy eyed expression, there’s this soft spot in JunHyung that will simply let him have his way. HyunSeung’s just too stubborn and if he himself offered to do something, it’s always better than nothing.
After packing up both boys headed out of the building in their hoodies as they rushed to the nearest bus stop. As they waited for the bus, HyunSeung couldn’t help but stare at JunHyung discreetly. He always had a thing for the other boy but he’s just unsure whether the other boy sways the direction he does. Though he doesn’t really make things too obvious, he’s always uneasy when JunHyung’s surrounded by female artists and when he goes back to their dorm bragging about how this girl gave him this and that girl gave him that. It annoys the hell out of HyunSeung when the other male would talk about his ex-girlfriends in front of him. He admits that he’s jealous but he just can’t show it.
Almost every second of HyunSeung’s current life would be spent thinking of those fanfics he’d read on fanfic portals. Fans were famous for coming up with all sorts of pairings and would make everything seem so real in those fanfics. There were the DooSeung, KiSeung, DongSeung and JunSeung pairings which only the last one was his favourite. It’s not that he dislikes the other pairings, it’s just that that's what he personally wishes to be real. He’d read almost all JunSeung fanfics, may it be angsty, fluff or even smut. Authors would make him believe that everything was reality but the moment the story comes to an end he’d have to wake up from those dreams.
HyunSeung hates the HyunSeung in the fanfics. He envies him so much as the character HyunSeung is able to experience something that he might never have a chance to. The chance to be loved. He hates that the feeling he’s holding onto is just a one-sided feeling, with no one to reciprocate it. Sometimes he’d even wish that he was a girl. He hates being called ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful’ but he always wonders, if he’s a pretty as a girl then why didn’t JunHyung ever notice him? Or let alone the feeling he has for him that has been hidden ever since he met the younger boy.
On the day of their second week of comeback for Music Bank, HyunSeung thought their victory was something to prove that BEAST has finally ditched the ‘recycled group’ title and was very thrilled. So thrilled that he thought that JunHyung’s ‘blindness’ towards his feelings is just nothing as the joy was unexplainable. Just as he was running around the corridors of the dressing rooms to call his sister and brag the group’s victory, he saw something that killed him inside and out.
Right at the end of the corridor where very few people would past were JunHyung and Gayoon making out. His happiness was immediately replaced with feeling of pain and rejection. The first thing that came to his mind was to run away and not let anyone including his bandmates see his brokenness.
Without having a sense of direction he ran where his feet brought him and unconsciously arrived at the rooftop of the studio. The place was somewhat abandoned and it seems like no one has been there for quite some time. It was the best place for a shattered person like HyunSeung to hide. As soon as his butt made contact with the concrete floor tears began to flow. Even though they had just reached the top it all felt like nothing to him. All he felt was rejection. The third rejection of his life.
"You’re not good for us.”
“You’re not good for me.”
Those sentences kept playing in his mind and he had to yell out to that non-existent voice to shut up. Those were the exact lines that were said to him when he was eliminated from Big Bang. The exact lines that T.O.P said to him when Tae Yang accidentally told the older male about his crush towards him.
“Am I really not good at all for everything?” HyunSeung yelled in between sobs. “Not good enough for someone to love me in return? Not good enough for you?!!”
HyunSeung just couldn’t take it. The world was too cruel towards him. Not only did his ‘so-called’ brothers turn their faces away from him, even his best friend, his crush, the love that he held onto so preciously decided to betray him. He doesn’t know whether his heart is strong enough to handle the same thing all over again. He didn’t know that a healed wound would hurt twice as much when it’s being cut again. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know how is he going to pick up the broken pieces of his heart.
Perhaps it’s good to not know love at all. Perhaps it’s good to be selfish. And perhaps, it’s good to never have to be Jang HyunSeung.
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