documentation
the last two weeks have been intense. i started my new job at cds and while there are a lot of things i think i'm doing well and succeeding at, there are at least as many (if not more) that have me questioning my abilities. last year i got so lucky to have the kids and classes i did. even 7th period, as often as they could be slugs, was composed of awesome kids.
my kids this year are also really cool for the most part. they just have so much shit behind them it is kind of overwhelming. i appreciate where they are coming from and why they are the way the are most of the time, but sometimes i really can't comprehend the choices they make. at what point did those decisions seem like the right ones? what kind of reaction do you expect for some of your behavior? how could i NOT step in?
the worst part for me is that i can't seem to find peace in what i do. i am constantly feeling like it is not good enough and that there must be some magic combination of activities or responses that will work. i am probably looking for the impossible, but i definitely have to keep trying to find it. what adds to the kind of overwhelmed feeling is that planning five classes means that i spend so much time just figuring out the basics of what i have to teach and how i want to teach it that taking those activities to the next level is like the last thing i can do. there are so many awesome techniques from dave and marilyn, but to implement them means pulling out my papers from last year, re-reading how it is done, then taking the time to apply it for what- a fifteen or twenty minute respite from monotony? by the time i spend the hour and a half to get that done, i've lost out on planning jack shit for my other classes.
there is so much to be said for being a creative teacher. these kids can't handle the mrs. walkers of the world and even the mr. j's or mr. c's or mr. warshaws are too mundane for them. they need to almost be tricked into working- like "ha! i taught you and you didn't even see it coming! suck it!" but fuck if that is just so much extra work that a first year teacher doesn't have the time for when she's got 8 million things to take care of. i also need to get real about how i plan and store lesson materials/units. organization is definitely going to be key and i have a feeling that my current system, though it had good intentions, is not going to work.
on monday i am going to get back in the habit of going to the gym. i've lost about 15 pounds since my birthday, which is cool, but about 45 shy of the goal i had set for myself for the end of the summer. i also cut my hair. actually, gaby cut my hair when she and ryan came to visit, and it looks effing awesome. she is a ridiculously talented kid. so monday marks my return to the good habits i spent this summer trying to form. the house is looking decent, though the living room still needs a better way to keep my shit in order, and i need to finish the bedroom. also could use a better way to keep my shit together in there. like a dresser for work clothes and a dresser for not work clothes or something. i don't know.
i call this one "on the phone with dad"
rhys is good. he's been working a ridiculous amount of overtime finishing up NBA and now is finishing up NCAA. he's pretty excited and apparently is doing really well there. the guys at his work all like him, and he has fun so that's all i really care about. i wish it were closer, but since neither of us have control over that, i'll let it go.
i also bought a PSP in august. that shit is so much fun i can't even take it. the websites for modding it are all really obnoxious though and i can't find one that i feel comfortable with. between the crazy amount of ads, hoops to jump through in order to get a download going, and all the geekspeak... its just not worth it right now.
tomorrow we're going to spend the day at the boy's office while he works some o/t and i plan for the week. i love being a dork with him.
there are a lot of people i need to email and call back. i should get on that.
over and out,
roth
my kids this year are also really cool for the most part. they just have so much shit behind them it is kind of overwhelming. i appreciate where they are coming from and why they are the way the are most of the time, but sometimes i really can't comprehend the choices they make. at what point did those decisions seem like the right ones? what kind of reaction do you expect for some of your behavior? how could i NOT step in?
the worst part for me is that i can't seem to find peace in what i do. i am constantly feeling like it is not good enough and that there must be some magic combination of activities or responses that will work. i am probably looking for the impossible, but i definitely have to keep trying to find it. what adds to the kind of overwhelmed feeling is that planning five classes means that i spend so much time just figuring out the basics of what i have to teach and how i want to teach it that taking those activities to the next level is like the last thing i can do. there are so many awesome techniques from dave and marilyn, but to implement them means pulling out my papers from last year, re-reading how it is done, then taking the time to apply it for what- a fifteen or twenty minute respite from monotony? by the time i spend the hour and a half to get that done, i've lost out on planning jack shit for my other classes.
there is so much to be said for being a creative teacher. these kids can't handle the mrs. walkers of the world and even the mr. j's or mr. c's or mr. warshaws are too mundane for them. they need to almost be tricked into working- like "ha! i taught you and you didn't even see it coming! suck it!" but fuck if that is just so much extra work that a first year teacher doesn't have the time for when she's got 8 million things to take care of. i also need to get real about how i plan and store lesson materials/units. organization is definitely going to be key and i have a feeling that my current system, though it had good intentions, is not going to work.
on monday i am going to get back in the habit of going to the gym. i've lost about 15 pounds since my birthday, which is cool, but about 45 shy of the goal i had set for myself for the end of the summer. i also cut my hair. actually, gaby cut my hair when she and ryan came to visit, and it looks effing awesome. she is a ridiculously talented kid. so monday marks my return to the good habits i spent this summer trying to form. the house is looking decent, though the living room still needs a better way to keep my shit in order, and i need to finish the bedroom. also could use a better way to keep my shit together in there. like a dresser for work clothes and a dresser for not work clothes or something. i don't know.
i call this one "on the phone with dad"
rhys is good. he's been working a ridiculous amount of overtime finishing up NBA and now is finishing up NCAA. he's pretty excited and apparently is doing really well there. the guys at his work all like him, and he has fun so that's all i really care about. i wish it were closer, but since neither of us have control over that, i'll let it go.
i also bought a PSP in august. that shit is so much fun i can't even take it. the websites for modding it are all really obnoxious though and i can't find one that i feel comfortable with. between the crazy amount of ads, hoops to jump through in order to get a download going, and all the geekspeak... its just not worth it right now.
tomorrow we're going to spend the day at the boy's office while he works some o/t and i plan for the week. i love being a dork with him.
there are a lot of people i need to email and call back. i should get on that.
over and out,
roth