Neve once, maybe never again
Never once have i longed for the past.
(well and really meant it)
I believe it to be to painful to look back and want something you can't possibly obtain...
but tonight as i hooked up my old computer in my room and look upon the things of old
(a letter of sorrow, a story of hope, and pictures of longing) i do believe that it wasn't as bad as i have made it out to be in my mind. I believe that the hurt and pain made scars that scraped my eyes and mind into believing it was all bad. Maybe it wasn't, maybe it was, but tonight it feels different, it feels like i'm missing something;Maybe i overlooked the picture, reading the small print. In all the days and months i've spent reggretting my mistakes, maybe i should of been realizing and saving the memories that really meant something. Dwelling on the pain and the sorrow i cursed upon the ones closest to me seemed to turn me bitter, make me into something i didn't want to become, and force me into an overly sensitive goon. I've tried to replace some of this scar tissue with love and compassion, and do some much needed, growing up.
As i read, looked, and listened to my past as it whispered into my ear all my old hopes and desires, prides and insecurities, i realized that i was much like a child, putting all my hope into whatever or whoever kept my attention for more than a minute; Coming back for help when i needed it, and relying much on something to keep me stable, not being able to find the stability in myself. This definitly put strain on the ones i kept close to rely on, but becaused they cared, they made it through, with me on there back like an injured kid. For the hurt i bestowed upon them, i have tried to give a thousand apologys. I am sorry.
Now as i look back, i feel as if its been years since i felt, said and did these things, but in actuallity it has been but one year and a half.
Now is the eve of my Senior year, and i must two strive to see the future, fully dependant on myself, but tonight, just once, and maybe never again, i wish i could just have one more chance, one more grasp of that time that i have so heavily tried to erase. The moments i could save, and put into my heart, as to never let go of. Not to change the past, no, but to relive the times that meant something, that have shattered with the ones that didn't. I know this wish won't come true, so tonight instead of wasting my wishes on an ill reality, i will wish for my heart to be open to these moments in the future, and bind them closely to me and not let go; For my growing pains are almost over, and i am close to the blinding reality of the future.
(well and really meant it)
I believe it to be to painful to look back and want something you can't possibly obtain...
but tonight as i hooked up my old computer in my room and look upon the things of old
(a letter of sorrow, a story of hope, and pictures of longing) i do believe that it wasn't as bad as i have made it out to be in my mind. I believe that the hurt and pain made scars that scraped my eyes and mind into believing it was all bad. Maybe it wasn't, maybe it was, but tonight it feels different, it feels like i'm missing something;Maybe i overlooked the picture, reading the small print. In all the days and months i've spent reggretting my mistakes, maybe i should of been realizing and saving the memories that really meant something. Dwelling on the pain and the sorrow i cursed upon the ones closest to me seemed to turn me bitter, make me into something i didn't want to become, and force me into an overly sensitive goon. I've tried to replace some of this scar tissue with love and compassion, and do some much needed, growing up.
As i read, looked, and listened to my past as it whispered into my ear all my old hopes and desires, prides and insecurities, i realized that i was much like a child, putting all my hope into whatever or whoever kept my attention for more than a minute; Coming back for help when i needed it, and relying much on something to keep me stable, not being able to find the stability in myself. This definitly put strain on the ones i kept close to rely on, but becaused they cared, they made it through, with me on there back like an injured kid. For the hurt i bestowed upon them, i have tried to give a thousand apologys. I am sorry.
Now as i look back, i feel as if its been years since i felt, said and did these things, but in actuallity it has been but one year and a half.
Now is the eve of my Senior year, and i must two strive to see the future, fully dependant on myself, but tonight, just once, and maybe never again, i wish i could just have one more chance, one more grasp of that time that i have so heavily tried to erase. The moments i could save, and put into my heart, as to never let go of. Not to change the past, no, but to relive the times that meant something, that have shattered with the ones that didn't. I know this wish won't come true, so tonight instead of wasting my wishes on an ill reality, i will wish for my heart to be open to these moments in the future, and bind them closely to me and not let go; For my growing pains are almost over, and i am close to the blinding reality of the future.