Fanfic writers come up with the strangest things
This was stolen from zarla's latest badfic-quotes post, source unknown, but I thought it was awesome and had to share. The characters are from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine; it's pretty much unrelated to the snippet except to point out that Garak's non-human, but you can pick that up from context anyway.
GARAK: I cannot *believe* you've been wasting my time with Shakespeare when there's this to be had.
BASHIR: Well, Garak, I know you find this hard to believe, but most critics do agree that Shakespeare was one of the greatest --
GARAK: Yes, yes, you've been prating to me about the beauties of "Hamlet" for as long as I've known you, Doctor, but if you ask me this Frankenfurter character leaves him in the dust.
BASHIR: You never gave *Hamlet* a fair chance. I think if you --
GARAK: What's Hamlet? An aging graduate student who can't pull himself together long enough to perform a simple assassination. He wouldn't hold my interest for one act, let alone five. Now here, you have something *much* more complex. An emissary to an alien planet, charged with an important mission, seduced by his private and forbidden desires into betraying his homeworld but still torn between lingering fidelity to his repressive culture and the enticements of alien decadence. And into that turmoil we throw his self-destructive infatuation with a monster of his own creation -- who betrays him both as a lover and as a child. *This* is inner torment, *this* is existential angst, *this* is identity in crisis confronting the abyss. To the fifth hell with Hamlet, Doctor -- *this* is your tragic hero.
BASHIR: Garak ... I may be wrong ... but I *think* this play is a comedy.
GARAK: Kromot goederat, doctor. (BASHIR waits for the translation) Truly great comedy dances on the brink of tragedy.
BASHIR: Those two words mean all that.
GARAK: Cardassian is an expressive and yet an economical language.
GARAK: I cannot *believe* you've been wasting my time with Shakespeare when there's this to be had.
BASHIR: Well, Garak, I know you find this hard to believe, but most critics do agree that Shakespeare was one of the greatest --
GARAK: Yes, yes, you've been prating to me about the beauties of "Hamlet" for as long as I've known you, Doctor, but if you ask me this Frankenfurter character leaves him in the dust.
BASHIR: You never gave *Hamlet* a fair chance. I think if you --
GARAK: What's Hamlet? An aging graduate student who can't pull himself together long enough to perform a simple assassination. He wouldn't hold my interest for one act, let alone five. Now here, you have something *much* more complex. An emissary to an alien planet, charged with an important mission, seduced by his private and forbidden desires into betraying his homeworld but still torn between lingering fidelity to his repressive culture and the enticements of alien decadence. And into that turmoil we throw his self-destructive infatuation with a monster of his own creation -- who betrays him both as a lover and as a child. *This* is inner torment, *this* is existential angst, *this* is identity in crisis confronting the abyss. To the fifth hell with Hamlet, Doctor -- *this* is your tragic hero.
BASHIR: Garak ... I may be wrong ... but I *think* this play is a comedy.
GARAK: Kromot goederat, doctor. (BASHIR waits for the translation) Truly great comedy dances on the brink of tragedy.
BASHIR: Those two words mean all that.
GARAK: Cardassian is an expressive and yet an economical language.