Actually.
I should do a proper update. So much i suppose i should say.
Duncan
Heard from him of recent. Bought a GTR the swine. Although last week i ended up in an argument with him, not said anything since.
Work
Applied for jobs in Dunfermline. Which is amusing considering now that Neil is back in touch - he lives there. Moving to ward 17 which is the heavier of the two wards. In one aspect its lighter, but in others its not. I view it negatively in terms of my back. Mainly cos i'll do alot of lifting, and sitting down. Two things that i shouldn't be doing. Made my feelings clear to my boss, but i've agreed to go because i understand that the ward needs more senior staff. Which in one aspect is amusing. I'm senior!?
Bollocks.. i've got the hiccups.
Men
About 2 months ago i dated a copper, once only. Called Mark. Not my type, seemed a nice enough guy but i can tell it was mutual. Felt really an awkward coffee. Ah.
Actually you'll all find this amusing. If your reading anyway and have any clue of whats going on... probably none of you!
On friday, the day of my MRI results.. i drive past Duncan. In the M3. He noticed me too.
On Saturday, i drove past Steven - another guy i dated this year.
On Sunday, Neil has been in touch since.
WEIRD! Call ghostbusters.
MRI results
Well i had to chase the consultant myself. And i suppose its handy i work in the NHS. I just looked up her name in NHS lothian internal email and knew my CHI number..and bingo i got an appointment for 4 weeks later.
The appointment was friday. Had to go up to the old Royal Infirmary. Basically, i've overstretched Disc 4 (L4 or S1) which is one of the common discs. Its also stretched the sciatic nerve which is why i've had sciatica for the past year and a bit. I've been told, no heavy lifting. And that i have two options.
1. Give it a chance to heal. Apparently if i was walking on my feet for 3 months solid it'd heal. This could take years. Sitting down increases the strain on the disc, as does standing still, not to mention lifting. However, i will ALWAYS have reoccuring sciatica and back pain.
2. Have surgery and remove part of the disc. I would be in hospital for 3 days, and possibly would have to move home for a while, depending on how quickly i recovered. I wouldn't be allowed to sit down much or lift anything AT ALL the first 2 weeks. I wouldn't be able to return to work for at least 6 weeks, possibly longer because of the severity of my job. But i will always have reoccuring back pain.
Obviously the long term aspect in my working area is out of the question. As is the driving instruction. Although i'm not sure if that would still be the case after surgery.
There are risks as is associated with all surgery and a 2 - 4% chance of it going wrong. Guys remember i'm 24. Imagine anything that went wrong for life.
At the same time i have my age with me, so technically speaking a quicker healing time. But in a way, the same could be said for not having surgery.
Based on the fact my back and sciatica has been better the last 3 months (excusing the last 10 days) i'd pretty much not needed pain killers. But all the driving back and forth to Dumfries recently took its toll on my back. Not to mention work.
I've declined surgery at present. Allowing myself a little while to decide on the appropriate action. I've explained this to my boss too. I want to give it a fair trial. But at the same time, i know this seems a little far ahead and ahead fuck, but i'm being practical. Imagine my dodgy back in Pregnancy, i know that backs are bad enough in pregnancy without spinal problems, but imagine the pain i'd be in with that. Yeah.. my thoughts exactly. The fact i'm not married, nor have a bloke at the moment should really disperse that worry, but lets face it. I'm 25 at the end of the year, i'm going to be thinking about it in the next 8 or so years. As long as i find a bloke - lol I've not told Neil any of this. He doesn't know about the surgery or the results. All he knows is that i have a dodgy back!
Now here is the sweetest thing. Iain, from fort william said that if i went into hospital, he'd come and look after me here until i was well enough to look after me. I love that guy, i really do. I asked his motives for such a thing, his response - 'what are mates for?' heart of gold that one.
The panic attacks and fears
In a word. Gone. Well, sort of. I've not freaked myself out in months, and i want to go down the a72. I keep thrashing the car into corners. I've been able to push my limits and gain confidence. LOL although here is the funny thing. The car went in for a service today, and one of the front suspension springs broke. Surprised, i assumed it'd been slanted, and in honesty i hadn't really noticed the change in handling. Although i did when they'd replaced it. By crikey that thing sticks to the roads. May have to test my limitations again.... none of this 'roll'
I ended up looking at newer cars today, but i can't afford a new one. I'd have thought about it if i got the job in Dunfermline. Although.. least i'd have a place to crash - Neil's.
Oh bugger the coffee is wearing off and i'm getting the munchies. Damn nightshift prep. Maybe i'll text a drunkard.. i was assured of a text.. but not had it yet! Delete the number Alana!
Deaths
Been a number in my family the last 10 weeks. First my great uncle. The one who was diagnosed with cancer whilst we were in Florida last year. The other my grandfather died of peritonitis (only knew this from Post Mortem) but he hadn't been well for about 9 weeks. I went down to see him a few weeks into his illness and in all honesty had it not been for the doctors error of discontinuing his medication for gastric ulcers, they discontinued this because of the C Diff (HAI) which in MY opinion, is the reason his intestines became MORE acidic causing it to burst and there fore peritonitis.
I was fine with the death but it did come as a bit of a shock. I knew he'd be lucky to get home - just i have insight because of my job, unlike my aunt and dad. Organised a cremation for last thursday. I was dreading it. Mainly as my family guilt kicked in. Because i'd been away from that side of the family for so long i felt like a traitor and shouldn't have been there. Acting all happy families when in my mind, it clearly wasn't. I love my grandparents and my aunt, uncle and cousins. I don't mind my step mum either, but my dad. Sheesh.
He hardly said a word to me the entire day. I'd made my aunt and uncle aware that my dad hardly spoke to me generally. But after the funeral they really noticed it and i think they were disgusted. I didn't cry at the service, which i think pissed my dad off. I nearly did when they mentioned something i used to say when i was little.
My papa was a butcher and when i went into his shop i used to say 'meat please papa' and he'd give me some ham to munch. A tradition that apparently carried on to my little cousin too, which i didn't know. There was alot of things that came up that i didn't know, which was hard for me to swallow. So many people didn't have a clue who i was. I heard whispering and a few knew me as 'Mike's daughter' and had last seen me when i was like 4 at my aunts wedding. It was horrible for me.
At the snacks after wards again my dad said very little.
Prior to the cremation my dad refused to go to my grans afterwards. I thought you selfish fuck. We were there to support HER. but not he's a selfsh turd.
After the snacks my dad asked for a lift home I agreed and as we got to the car he made a comment 'none of your driving heroics' i was really fucked off at this and didn't want to snap, but i said, why do you want to drive? And he smiled and took my car keys. WANKER. Next comment was that 3 of my windows were not originals. Yes he'd told me this about 5 weeks prior.
As i said he said nothing to me at his house, we all ended up there. I felt so awkward. I sat with my aunt, telling her what he'd already done since we'd last seen eachother at the snacks bit. She was not impressed.
WHen they were leaving i took that as my chance to escape. I think my dad was surprised by that. I said i was heading back to Edinburgh but was going to my mum's first. I ended up at my aunts for a few hours. Bitched and just spoke to them. I'm so glad they noticed his behaviour towards me. Arsehole.
I then left to go to mum's then we both came up to Edinburgh. I had 2 missed calls, and a voice mail from my dad telling me to call him. I didn't get home till late so sent him a message saying so, but that i'd call next day - my MRI results day. I dreaded that call. My aunt text me that night saying that she thought my dad had felt guilty for not talking to me, and that she hadn't said anything. In the call that next day is certainly was NOT that. When i got off the phone, i just thought, you really are a selfish prick and questioned how we were even related. I'm nothing like him.
My aunt thinks he's jealous of me, because i'm independant and made a go of things myself. That i'm not dependant on him. In all honesty, i wish he'd just fuck off. So i'll have to go through this again when its my gran's turn.
My dad and my uncle buried their hatchet but it took my papa's death for that to happen. I don't ever see that happening with me and him. I think one day, as i explained to my aunt and uncle, that i'll really crack one day and tell him how he's an arsehole and how he's been a shit father. Every little thing. Not supporting me though university. Not visiting me for 2 years when he lived 5 mins away (i was 10), never being there. Giving me a car (which you'd think was a nice thing) only cos he couldn't get rid of it. Leaving me with an unsafe car when he said it was safe - i could only put £2 of petrol in the thing. I've only ever had one hug. When i crashed my car. When i wrote the saxo off, the first thing he said was buy the car back, then asked if i was ok. Treats me like i know jack shit. Dad, i have a post graduate in BRAIN INJURY REHABILITATION get a grip. He didn't think i understood anything of what was going on with my papa. I was so happy when my step mum said ' lets let Alana sort it out, she know what she's doing' HA HA DAD. I'm a professional, and smart and damn good at what i do. GET OVER YOURSELF. I'm 24, nearly 25, not 14 going on 15.
Hatred much? I thought so.
Duncan
Heard from him of recent. Bought a GTR the swine. Although last week i ended up in an argument with him, not said anything since.
Work
Applied for jobs in Dunfermline. Which is amusing considering now that Neil is back in touch - he lives there. Moving to ward 17 which is the heavier of the two wards. In one aspect its lighter, but in others its not. I view it negatively in terms of my back. Mainly cos i'll do alot of lifting, and sitting down. Two things that i shouldn't be doing. Made my feelings clear to my boss, but i've agreed to go because i understand that the ward needs more senior staff. Which in one aspect is amusing. I'm senior!?
Bollocks.. i've got the hiccups.
Men
About 2 months ago i dated a copper, once only. Called Mark. Not my type, seemed a nice enough guy but i can tell it was mutual. Felt really an awkward coffee. Ah.
Actually you'll all find this amusing. If your reading anyway and have any clue of whats going on... probably none of you!
On friday, the day of my MRI results.. i drive past Duncan. In the M3. He noticed me too.
On Saturday, i drove past Steven - another guy i dated this year.
On Sunday, Neil has been in touch since.
WEIRD! Call ghostbusters.
MRI results
Well i had to chase the consultant myself. And i suppose its handy i work in the NHS. I just looked up her name in NHS lothian internal email and knew my CHI number..and bingo i got an appointment for 4 weeks later.
The appointment was friday. Had to go up to the old Royal Infirmary. Basically, i've overstretched Disc 4 (L4 or S1) which is one of the common discs. Its also stretched the sciatic nerve which is why i've had sciatica for the past year and a bit. I've been told, no heavy lifting. And that i have two options.
1. Give it a chance to heal. Apparently if i was walking on my feet for 3 months solid it'd heal. This could take years. Sitting down increases the strain on the disc, as does standing still, not to mention lifting. However, i will ALWAYS have reoccuring sciatica and back pain.
2. Have surgery and remove part of the disc. I would be in hospital for 3 days, and possibly would have to move home for a while, depending on how quickly i recovered. I wouldn't be allowed to sit down much or lift anything AT ALL the first 2 weeks. I wouldn't be able to return to work for at least 6 weeks, possibly longer because of the severity of my job. But i will always have reoccuring back pain.
Obviously the long term aspect in my working area is out of the question. As is the driving instruction. Although i'm not sure if that would still be the case after surgery.
There are risks as is associated with all surgery and a 2 - 4% chance of it going wrong. Guys remember i'm 24. Imagine anything that went wrong for life.
At the same time i have my age with me, so technically speaking a quicker healing time. But in a way, the same could be said for not having surgery.
Based on the fact my back and sciatica has been better the last 3 months (excusing the last 10 days) i'd pretty much not needed pain killers. But all the driving back and forth to Dumfries recently took its toll on my back. Not to mention work.
I've declined surgery at present. Allowing myself a little while to decide on the appropriate action. I've explained this to my boss too. I want to give it a fair trial. But at the same time, i know this seems a little far ahead and ahead fuck, but i'm being practical. Imagine my dodgy back in Pregnancy, i know that backs are bad enough in pregnancy without spinal problems, but imagine the pain i'd be in with that. Yeah.. my thoughts exactly. The fact i'm not married, nor have a bloke at the moment should really disperse that worry, but lets face it. I'm 25 at the end of the year, i'm going to be thinking about it in the next 8 or so years. As long as i find a bloke - lol I've not told Neil any of this. He doesn't know about the surgery or the results. All he knows is that i have a dodgy back!
Now here is the sweetest thing. Iain, from fort william said that if i went into hospital, he'd come and look after me here until i was well enough to look after me. I love that guy, i really do. I asked his motives for such a thing, his response - 'what are mates for?' heart of gold that one.
The panic attacks and fears
In a word. Gone. Well, sort of. I've not freaked myself out in months, and i want to go down the a72. I keep thrashing the car into corners. I've been able to push my limits and gain confidence. LOL although here is the funny thing. The car went in for a service today, and one of the front suspension springs broke. Surprised, i assumed it'd been slanted, and in honesty i hadn't really noticed the change in handling. Although i did when they'd replaced it. By crikey that thing sticks to the roads. May have to test my limitations again.... none of this 'roll'
I ended up looking at newer cars today, but i can't afford a new one. I'd have thought about it if i got the job in Dunfermline. Although.. least i'd have a place to crash - Neil's.
Oh bugger the coffee is wearing off and i'm getting the munchies. Damn nightshift prep. Maybe i'll text a drunkard.. i was assured of a text.. but not had it yet! Delete the number Alana!
Deaths
Been a number in my family the last 10 weeks. First my great uncle. The one who was diagnosed with cancer whilst we were in Florida last year. The other my grandfather died of peritonitis (only knew this from Post Mortem) but he hadn't been well for about 9 weeks. I went down to see him a few weeks into his illness and in all honesty had it not been for the doctors error of discontinuing his medication for gastric ulcers, they discontinued this because of the C Diff (HAI) which in MY opinion, is the reason his intestines became MORE acidic causing it to burst and there fore peritonitis.
I was fine with the death but it did come as a bit of a shock. I knew he'd be lucky to get home - just i have insight because of my job, unlike my aunt and dad. Organised a cremation for last thursday. I was dreading it. Mainly as my family guilt kicked in. Because i'd been away from that side of the family for so long i felt like a traitor and shouldn't have been there. Acting all happy families when in my mind, it clearly wasn't. I love my grandparents and my aunt, uncle and cousins. I don't mind my step mum either, but my dad. Sheesh.
He hardly said a word to me the entire day. I'd made my aunt and uncle aware that my dad hardly spoke to me generally. But after the funeral they really noticed it and i think they were disgusted. I didn't cry at the service, which i think pissed my dad off. I nearly did when they mentioned something i used to say when i was little.
My papa was a butcher and when i went into his shop i used to say 'meat please papa' and he'd give me some ham to munch. A tradition that apparently carried on to my little cousin too, which i didn't know. There was alot of things that came up that i didn't know, which was hard for me to swallow. So many people didn't have a clue who i was. I heard whispering and a few knew me as 'Mike's daughter' and had last seen me when i was like 4 at my aunts wedding. It was horrible for me.
At the snacks after wards again my dad said very little.
Prior to the cremation my dad refused to go to my grans afterwards. I thought you selfish fuck. We were there to support HER. but not he's a selfsh turd.
After the snacks my dad asked for a lift home I agreed and as we got to the car he made a comment 'none of your driving heroics' i was really fucked off at this and didn't want to snap, but i said, why do you want to drive? And he smiled and took my car keys. WANKER. Next comment was that 3 of my windows were not originals. Yes he'd told me this about 5 weeks prior.
As i said he said nothing to me at his house, we all ended up there. I felt so awkward. I sat with my aunt, telling her what he'd already done since we'd last seen eachother at the snacks bit. She was not impressed.
WHen they were leaving i took that as my chance to escape. I think my dad was surprised by that. I said i was heading back to Edinburgh but was going to my mum's first. I ended up at my aunts for a few hours. Bitched and just spoke to them. I'm so glad they noticed his behaviour towards me. Arsehole.
I then left to go to mum's then we both came up to Edinburgh. I had 2 missed calls, and a voice mail from my dad telling me to call him. I didn't get home till late so sent him a message saying so, but that i'd call next day - my MRI results day. I dreaded that call. My aunt text me that night saying that she thought my dad had felt guilty for not talking to me, and that she hadn't said anything. In the call that next day is certainly was NOT that. When i got off the phone, i just thought, you really are a selfish prick and questioned how we were even related. I'm nothing like him.
My aunt thinks he's jealous of me, because i'm independant and made a go of things myself. That i'm not dependant on him. In all honesty, i wish he'd just fuck off. So i'll have to go through this again when its my gran's turn.
My dad and my uncle buried their hatchet but it took my papa's death for that to happen. I don't ever see that happening with me and him. I think one day, as i explained to my aunt and uncle, that i'll really crack one day and tell him how he's an arsehole and how he's been a shit father. Every little thing. Not supporting me though university. Not visiting me for 2 years when he lived 5 mins away (i was 10), never being there. Giving me a car (which you'd think was a nice thing) only cos he couldn't get rid of it. Leaving me with an unsafe car when he said it was safe - i could only put £2 of petrol in the thing. I've only ever had one hug. When i crashed my car. When i wrote the saxo off, the first thing he said was buy the car back, then asked if i was ok. Treats me like i know jack shit. Dad, i have a post graduate in BRAIN INJURY REHABILITATION get a grip. He didn't think i understood anything of what was going on with my papa. I was so happy when my step mum said ' lets let Alana sort it out, she know what she's doing' HA HA DAD. I'm a professional, and smart and damn good at what i do. GET OVER YOURSELF. I'm 24, nearly 25, not 14 going on 15.
Hatred much? I thought so.