Nearly one year on... (12 days to go)
Nearly one year on since i crashed, and i'm still haunted by it. I've made progress in so many ways, but it still lingers. On the 2nd of December i had a panic attack near enough about driving through to Glasgow just after i'd seen Iain. Its so fucking stupid but i can't help it. I lack confidence in my ability.
I'm due to go to Dumfries tomorrow and most likely get caught in the stuff for the 20 year anniversary of Lockerbie tomorrow, in Lockerbie. And its the thought of the drive as well as seeing my dad that makes me not want to go.
I realise i like my current saxo. Its modified back to how the old one was. I did that so i'd get over my fear. And now i need to face it. Even the thought of going home and driving by that god damned road on my own leaves me unbelievably uncomfortable.
1. I'm afraid i'll crash
2. Its December and 12 days till the 1st
3. I'll drive past the accident road
4. I'll drive in a modified car exactly the same as my old one.
5. I'm driving home the first time on my own since the accident.
6. I'm constantly reminded of my accident by my back
7. I have a meeting with management over my back in january.
8. I'm still in a bit of pain
9. I have to face my dad
10. Facing my 4th xmas alone.
11. Feel very unloved and alone.
12. and not going anywhere fast.
"I stopped to fill my car up,
the car felt good that day,
I didn't know where i was going,
But it felt good for a change"
"It started to piss down,
i started to drive again
Then i looked up and looked in the mirror behind me"
"I didn't know where i was going,
Yeah it felt good to be strange"
"But still i looked up and look in the mirror behind me
Curiousities over,
step down from the car
pulled a gun from his jacket,
said i was going to die.
It gives m so much satisfaction,
to watch you beg and cry"
I should be over this. But i'm not. I'm reminded of it every day.
I'm due to go to Dumfries tomorrow and most likely get caught in the stuff for the 20 year anniversary of Lockerbie tomorrow, in Lockerbie. And its the thought of the drive as well as seeing my dad that makes me not want to go.
I realise i like my current saxo. Its modified back to how the old one was. I did that so i'd get over my fear. And now i need to face it. Even the thought of going home and driving by that god damned road on my own leaves me unbelievably uncomfortable.
1. I'm afraid i'll crash
2. Its December and 12 days till the 1st
3. I'll drive past the accident road
4. I'll drive in a modified car exactly the same as my old one.
5. I'm driving home the first time on my own since the accident.
6. I'm constantly reminded of my accident by my back
7. I have a meeting with management over my back in january.
8. I'm still in a bit of pain
9. I have to face my dad
10. Facing my 4th xmas alone.
11. Feel very unloved and alone.
12. and not going anywhere fast.
"I stopped to fill my car up,
the car felt good that day,
I didn't know where i was going,
But it felt good for a change"
"It started to piss down,
i started to drive again
Then i looked up and looked in the mirror behind me"
"I didn't know where i was going,
Yeah it felt good to be strange"
"But still i looked up and look in the mirror behind me
Curiousities over,
step down from the car
pulled a gun from his jacket,
said i was going to die.
It gives m so much satisfaction,
to watch you beg and cry"
I should be over this. But i'm not. I'm reminded of it every day.