Life
Does anyone else ever feel like their just barely hanging on while life whips them around like a rag doll? I mean, I really have nothing to be that upset about, but everything feels like it's going way too fast. Rehearsals for my school's musical this year, (Ruddigore) have begun, so nearly every day after school I'm in our auditorium with 80 some high school students singing and staging, etc. Somewhere between 6:00 & 6:30 I get home, and begin to plow through the homework build up from my AP classes, only to be interrupted to eat dinner with my family. After we eat it's back to the homework that never gets finished, so I'm pretty much always a day or two behind, and struggling to catch up.
I feel like I'm drowning. I'm constantly thinking about scholarships and college, when my housing stuff is going to come, the visit day I'm going to be attending. My bible quiz leader just told me that because I'm the captain of our team, I now have to send "encouraging emails' to all of the members, because they all apparently look up to me. I wish they wouldn't, I'm not a good example. On top of that, I'm going crazy because it's been so long since I've written anything. I'm not good at anything else. If I can't write I lose my focus on everything. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've always had this feeling that I would major in something to do with writing or literature, but even that is slipping away from me now...
And, compounding everything else, a good friend of mine hasn't been returning my emails, and I can't figure out what I could have possibly done wrong. I miss her dearly, and it's been so long since we've talked, let alone seen each other. In six days it will be exactly one year since my last relapse of self injury. She has played such a vital role in getting me this far, and I don't know what I'd do without her. I'm really, really hoping and praying that something is just wrong with her internet connection, and so she hasn't had a chance to get my emails, because it's so unlike her to ignore me...
So, as I pull myself along, stubbornly attempting to swim against the current, I will hold to hope, that soon, everything will begin to look up, and lighten up, because right now, hope is all I have.
I feel like I'm drowning. I'm constantly thinking about scholarships and college, when my housing stuff is going to come, the visit day I'm going to be attending. My bible quiz leader just told me that because I'm the captain of our team, I now have to send "encouraging emails' to all of the members, because they all apparently look up to me. I wish they wouldn't, I'm not a good example. On top of that, I'm going crazy because it's been so long since I've written anything. I'm not good at anything else. If I can't write I lose my focus on everything. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've always had this feeling that I would major in something to do with writing or literature, but even that is slipping away from me now...
And, compounding everything else, a good friend of mine hasn't been returning my emails, and I can't figure out what I could have possibly done wrong. I miss her dearly, and it's been so long since we've talked, let alone seen each other. In six days it will be exactly one year since my last relapse of self injury. She has played such a vital role in getting me this far, and I don't know what I'd do without her. I'm really, really hoping and praying that something is just wrong with her internet connection, and so she hasn't had a chance to get my emails, because it's so unlike her to ignore me...
So, as I pull myself along, stubbornly attempting to swim against the current, I will hold to hope, that soon, everything will begin to look up, and lighten up, because right now, hope is all I have.