(no subject)
these last few days have been some of the worst ive had in my life. two things i thought were constants are gone. i felt so very madly about this boy ben that i met at school and him and i were unofficially dating for like a month and a half. all i did was talk and think about him. then the last few times i talked to him he seemed like he wasnt as happy to hear from me. one of the last times i hung out with him we hung out with his ex girlfriend who was really mean to me and who he talked shit about pre hanging out with her. i got over her being mean because i was mature enough not to resort to her level and was as nice as i could be to her. anyways im driving home to come see him (cause he is on the east side for the summer) this past thursday and my transmission blows like 3 miles from home. its currently in the shop and im not sure if its going to be covered under my warranty but for the mean time my moms going to have to drive me back up to school and im going to be car-less. but back to ben, i called him thursday night told him about my car and told him i could get dropped off the next morning and he was like "let me call you back in a half hour i have to talk to someone". so he never calls and i call him in an hour and his phones off. i wake up at like 6:45 the next morning for some reason and go online to see that he's listed in a complicated relationship on facebook, so i call and him leave a message asking him who hes in a relationship with? i dont go back to sleep. im left to have an awful pit in my stomach for the next 13 hours until he finally calls me back. i didnt yell or get mad at him i just was like you need to explain yourself, so sure enough, hes dating his ex girlfriend. i told him he needed to know that having someone find something like that out online is not okay and that i was really disappointed in him and told him good luck with her and that id see him in the fall. he has no idea how much he has hurt me, my heart has only felt this broken twice before, once when i had my whole fiasco with my ex boyfriend samuel back in high school where i didnt leave my room for 3 days and the other was when my friend nathan died last summer. im so sad that its a numb feeling, a feeling that makes me not want to do anything but lay in bed. so on top of my heart being broken and my car dying ive gotten in arguments with my dad, my friend hunter, and my ex best friend caitlin. oh and im on my period so im overly emotional anyways. oh and before i left thursday to come here i was at a point where i felt/feel the loneliest in my entire life. so to say that my heart hurts would be a huge understatement, everything hurts, and this is the first time where i havent been able to find any type of good in all of this bad.