ranting
overview of my life as of late
School is nice, I enjoy the structure, but both my art classes are turning out to be, lets see how bad Alysen is at drawing classes. I dont really know many people I sit around smoking on my zillion breaks hoping someone will talk to me.
Work is retarded, well not really, but half the people I work with are, they ask me the same questions and if I like Tom Cruise and where I went to middle school and if Ive ever seen Alladin. Also we have a new uniform as of Sunday which consists of my having to wear a tie, I really need a new job.
Friends, well I feel like I never have time to see all of them, I see Emily and Caitlin like once or twice a week, but I never see Amanda or Samuel and especially not Jordan anymore [but thats just cause shes miles away]. I miss those three, theyre like my stable friends, my three oldest friends, and yet I let them slip away out of my life all to often. But I do have a new friend who is quite wonderful, its always great making new friends, it adds the a little excitment to my life.
And Lastly, the dreaded love life. I dont know where things are going with Levi and me, hes like nice and treats me alright, but theres not much spark, I tried to break up with him the other day because I was getting really sick of how rude he is to my friends, but he turned on the water works and I said one last chance, thats all you get. So I guess I'll see how it goes. Today was our 4 month anniversary, it seems like years since we started dating, yet nothing has progressed enough for me to feel like I'll be capable of loving him, which makes me think, if I cant feel that, than why am I wasting my time, what if theres someone else out there better suited for me and im just wasting my time with someone I know I'll never fall in love with. Ive tried to break things off quite a few times, but hes so sensitive I cant help but feel bad for him, I dont want to play the role of heartbreaker anymore. My backbone has turned to mush.
Im over thinking everything like I always do.
School is nice, I enjoy the structure, but both my art classes are turning out to be, lets see how bad Alysen is at drawing classes. I dont really know many people I sit around smoking on my zillion breaks hoping someone will talk to me.
Work is retarded, well not really, but half the people I work with are, they ask me the same questions and if I like Tom Cruise and where I went to middle school and if Ive ever seen Alladin. Also we have a new uniform as of Sunday which consists of my having to wear a tie, I really need a new job.
Friends, well I feel like I never have time to see all of them, I see Emily and Caitlin like once or twice a week, but I never see Amanda or Samuel and especially not Jordan anymore [but thats just cause shes miles away]. I miss those three, theyre like my stable friends, my three oldest friends, and yet I let them slip away out of my life all to often. But I do have a new friend who is quite wonderful, its always great making new friends, it adds the a little excitment to my life.
And Lastly, the dreaded love life. I dont know where things are going with Levi and me, hes like nice and treats me alright, but theres not much spark, I tried to break up with him the other day because I was getting really sick of how rude he is to my friends, but he turned on the water works and I said one last chance, thats all you get. So I guess I'll see how it goes. Today was our 4 month anniversary, it seems like years since we started dating, yet nothing has progressed enough for me to feel like I'll be capable of loving him, which makes me think, if I cant feel that, than why am I wasting my time, what if theres someone else out there better suited for me and im just wasting my time with someone I know I'll never fall in love with. Ive tried to break things off quite a few times, but hes so sensitive I cant help but feel bad for him, I dont want to play the role of heartbreaker anymore. My backbone has turned to mush.
Im over thinking everything like I always do.