Walking A Thin Line
I'm pretty sure no one will read this, I don't exspect them to really; it's just at this point, I don't know where else to turn.
Last friday night I took James to Trey's house so we could play Warhammer all night.
I wasn't a big fan of the idea at all; as Maxx was invited. As you know; I'm not really happy with his existance, but I'll never tell Trey that. I know how much their friendship means, and I value that. But it doesn't mean that he has the right to completely blow of his signifigant other to go out and hang with his fuck buddy. I rightfully reserve some time with him for myself.
Is it wrong for me to do so? Should I just back off anf leave myself as a doormat again, or is it good that I have started standing up for myself? Should I keep defending him as my own or should I let him ruin his life by becoming nothing more than a video game nerd with a insane and problematic friend?
I really just feel stumped, and ideoically insane. As terrible as this is going to sound, I've done all that I have done, for him. I've gotten this far, I've lived through a car accident that should have killed me on impact, I have strived as hard as I ever have in my life for him.
I want a love-filled, and happy family. I don't want Maxx around my entire life. Hell I don't want him around now, but what can I do?
I wonder sometimes if he lies to me, and Maxx means more to him than I do.
It used to be a small feeling, but I can sometimes find myself really believing it now.
Last friday night I took James to Trey's house so we could play Warhammer all night.
I wasn't a big fan of the idea at all; as Maxx was invited. As you know; I'm not really happy with his existance, but I'll never tell Trey that. I know how much their friendship means, and I value that. But it doesn't mean that he has the right to completely blow of his signifigant other to go out and hang with his fuck buddy. I rightfully reserve some time with him for myself.
Is it wrong for me to do so? Should I just back off anf leave myself as a doormat again, or is it good that I have started standing up for myself? Should I keep defending him as my own or should I let him ruin his life by becoming nothing more than a video game nerd with a insane and problematic friend?
I really just feel stumped, and ideoically insane. As terrible as this is going to sound, I've done all that I have done, for him. I've gotten this far, I've lived through a car accident that should have killed me on impact, I have strived as hard as I ever have in my life for him.
I want a love-filled, and happy family. I don't want Maxx around my entire life. Hell I don't want him around now, but what can I do?
I wonder sometimes if he lies to me, and Maxx means more to him than I do.
It used to be a small feeling, but I can sometimes find myself really believing it now.