Once upon a time, there was a girl who wanted to grow up, but not now. Never now.
I'm 20 today. I really don't like it *sigh* Though I'm glad it's my birthday.
I don't like getting older so fast. It's not really fast, since I don't actually feel like a teenager anymore, but I don't feel 20, that as hell's for sure.
20. It's so looming and large and about to crush me with responsibility and adulthood, except for the drinking ( Read more... )
Since I turned 19, I've been in three relationships, moved four times, watch my mother battle cancer, was suspected of having cancer myself, watched my step-father get laid off, was almost homeless, had my first job, had my first two years in community college and my first semester at mason, got a second job as a nurse for a woman with cerebral palsy which is almost like voluntary motherhood (feeding, changing diapers, and bathing) except that the "baby" is 90 lbs, my age, and will never be able to talk. I've been faced with the threat of homelessness. I got married, and now my husband is seperated from me because I've acted like an ass for six months and we're not sure if we're going to wind up divorcing or dating each other all over again and remarrying in the Catholic Church. Also, I've had an entire psychological disorder (OCD) almost completely clear up, and had to face some of my friends confronting me about certain basic social skills I've lacked, which lead me to reading whole books on social interaction designed for people with Autism, because my level of misunderstandings are that basic. I've had weeks with my husband where we had to live on credit cards because we didn't have two cents to rub together for food. I also had two apartments, one with a husband, one by myself. I had to deal with car insurance, apartment landlords, and the IRS, and lawyers all on my own.
My point in all this is I've been through a lot of shit in the last three years. Seperation, landlords, lawyers, eviction, courts... all of this stuff is very "adult."
... and I still come home and play videogames, and have days on the weekend where I do jack except go to Mass, heat some leftovers in the microwave, and watch a sappy movie. There will always be moments where you can forget, let go, and be a kid again. In fact, there will be moments where you HAVE to do that. These are the things that keep you sane when shit hits the fan.
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