i am seriously gonna post a real update one of these days. For now, little introspections.
I remember why Depeche Mode is my favorite band. :D
When I listen to it, full blasting my ears, not only does it make me MOVE, and not all gracefully too, jerky and uncontained, like I'm wild, cause I seriously need to just MOVE, it's not even dancing really. It's like...my body can't contain the way I'm reacting. Too much emotion.
But yeah, it's not just that.
It makes me cry, heart-wrendingly. It makes me so sad because I understand all they're singing about, intellectually yeah. But I FEEL it. And it's poetic, so it makes it beautiful. And it's cruel, so it makes it real. And there's real, political/ethical shit in there that I agree with about the world. It's like, all my deepest thoughts talking to me in a way I never coud voice.
It makes me shiver. In the good and bad way. Good: because I hit that stride where I've been crying so hard it almost feels like I'm happy, and good because i get to the point of being happy for who I am, now matter how fucked up.
I mentioned I was fucked up right? Eh. I've gotten to the point where I honestly don't care....most of the time.
The only bad part of the shiver is the slice of pain, in my heart when some verse comes in and makes me realize....yes. I am a fuck-up, pathetic, will never fit in. It's all correct of course, but it doesn't mean I hear it from anyone else but my own thoughts.
But then I get happy/crazy again, cause I stop. caring. I just love me. it's like a religous experience when I let myself sink into it. I'm crying and smiling and swaying and Closer to God. If God is myself.
Anyways, the real reason I love them is because they make me feel sexy. There's different kinds of sexy, and it's not the sweet, "I'm innocent" sexy, or the sultry "I'm gonna seduce you" sexy. I feel wicked when I listen to them. It like...brings out my inner....vixen. Temptress that knows she's sexy and loves it. It beings out my inner slut.
And I love being a slut. I smirk/curl my lip, and I dance out my feeling sexy/my being jerky/my being sorrowful, and I feel........completely free. Not self-concious at all. I don't care who sees me, cause I'm happy reveling in being me. The fact that it's wrong, I shouldn't feel that way in the first place, and I sure as hell shouldn't like it just makes it better. Hotter. Freer.
I'm a woman and a girl and nothing at all and everything all at once. Closest thing I've got to nirvana.
(Did I mention I talked to Dylan today? :D Yet another reason to be unabashadly HAPPY!)
I really need to see them Live. IF THEY WERE TOURING?!!! God. why can't they go back to touring?
All in all, when I'm dancing to Depeche, I"m swept up in pounding, soul-pulling, despondent, wicked music that I literally lose myself in.
It. Is fucking awesome. :D
*goes back to dancing*
When I listen to it, full blasting my ears, not only does it make me MOVE, and not all gracefully too, jerky and uncontained, like I'm wild, cause I seriously need to just MOVE, it's not even dancing really. It's like...my body can't contain the way I'm reacting. Too much emotion.
But yeah, it's not just that.
It makes me cry, heart-wrendingly. It makes me so sad because I understand all they're singing about, intellectually yeah. But I FEEL it. And it's poetic, so it makes it beautiful. And it's cruel, so it makes it real. And there's real, political/ethical shit in there that I agree with about the world. It's like, all my deepest thoughts talking to me in a way I never coud voice.
It makes me shiver. In the good and bad way. Good: because I hit that stride where I've been crying so hard it almost feels like I'm happy, and good because i get to the point of being happy for who I am, now matter how fucked up.
I mentioned I was fucked up right? Eh. I've gotten to the point where I honestly don't care....most of the time.
The only bad part of the shiver is the slice of pain, in my heart when some verse comes in and makes me realize....yes. I am a fuck-up, pathetic, will never fit in. It's all correct of course, but it doesn't mean I hear it from anyone else but my own thoughts.
But then I get happy/crazy again, cause I stop. caring. I just love me. it's like a religous experience when I let myself sink into it. I'm crying and smiling and swaying and Closer to God. If God is myself.
Anyways, the real reason I love them is because they make me feel sexy. There's different kinds of sexy, and it's not the sweet, "I'm innocent" sexy, or the sultry "I'm gonna seduce you" sexy. I feel wicked when I listen to them. It like...brings out my inner....vixen. Temptress that knows she's sexy and loves it. It beings out my inner slut.
And I love being a slut. I smirk/curl my lip, and I dance out my feeling sexy/my being jerky/my being sorrowful, and I feel........completely free. Not self-concious at all. I don't care who sees me, cause I'm happy reveling in being me. The fact that it's wrong, I shouldn't feel that way in the first place, and I sure as hell shouldn't like it just makes it better. Hotter. Freer.
I'm a woman and a girl and nothing at all and everything all at once. Closest thing I've got to nirvana.
(Did I mention I talked to Dylan today? :D Yet another reason to be unabashadly HAPPY!)
I really need to see them Live. IF THEY WERE TOURING?!!! God. why can't they go back to touring?
All in all, when I'm dancing to Depeche, I"m swept up in pounding, soul-pulling, despondent, wicked music that I literally lose myself in.
It. Is fucking awesome. :D
*goes back to dancing*