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Oct 23, 2008 15:44

Summary: When an emotionally shattered Ville has no choice but to enter rehabilitation for his alcoholism, he comes face-to-face with the demons that could threaten his future and the ghosts that haunt his past. One in particular he wasn't ready to revisit.

Pairing: Ville Valo/ OFC

Rating: R to NC-17

Warning (this warning will get longer and longer): I love Ville but I don't own him, any other member/manager or project of HIM, Jonna, Bam, Missy, Maxim magazine, any random celebrity, High Voltage Tattoo or KAT Von D...even though I wish I did...free tattoos Please read and enjoy:)

Chapter 1-5
Chapter 6 and 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14


Chapter 15

~Without You~

July 17 2008
Day 20

Having to force himself to press every button, Ville dialed his nightmare’s phone.

“So what’s going on?” he asked Jonna.

“Nothing, baby. I just miss you so much.”

Ville took a deep breath.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Horrible. I can’t wait for you to come back.”

“That dude dumped you didn’t he?”

“No…no…I…I broke up with him. I didn’t love him. I love you.”

“…”

“I do,” she persisted.

“…”

“Ville?”

“Have you made a decision?” he asked.

“No. I wanted to wait for you.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“…”

“Ville?”

“I’m not gonna want to deal with this when I get back.”

“Well what if I keep it?”

“Then… I guess we’ll have to work something out.”

“You don’t mean…you…you’re not gonna come back to me even if I have it?”

“Jesus, Jonna,  I don’t know. Things…things have changed. I’ve changed. Rehab’s changed me. I’m not sure if I can go back.”

“You’re gonna pull that bullshit while I’m PREGNANT with your child?”

“You’re gonna cheat on me three times while I’m on tour?”

“…”

“…”

“If you won’t come back to me, I’ll kill it.”

“… what?”

“If we’re not gonna be together, I’m getting an abortion.”

“So now you’re gonna blackmail me into being with you?”

“What’s the point of me having this child, Ville?”

“I don’t know. To have someone who’ll love you know matter what.”

“Oh spare me the stupid romantic shit! Act like an adult for once in your life and not some lovesick puppy.The love you write about in your songs DOESN’T EXIST! In real life, you never love someone unconditionally. You go through heartache. Pain. And then you love.”

Then explain how I feel about the woman who you couldn’t even compare to.

“ You love me,Ville, because we have been through so much. You told me you loved me more than anyone.”

“I was probably drunk,” Ville stated matter-of-factly.

“That’s it. I’m done with you. I’m going to the clinic tomorrow. Goodbye.”

“NO! Jonna, wait... I’m…I’m sorry.”

Jonna took a deep breath.

“…Ville, maybe its best if you transfer to a rehab center around here. I need you right now, with the baby and all of that. And I’m having a little trouble with the bills. You know, going to the doctor and…and stuff. You should come home.”

“…”

“I miss you.”

Ville felt his need for alcohol creep up his spine, attacking his nerves. His head throbbed in sudden excruciating pain, but he had to. For his kid.

“….I miss you too,” he lied.

But that wasn’t good enough for Jonna.

“I love you.”

And I love Angel, but that child means more to me than anyone.

Ville bit back the urge to run out of his room, break out of Promises, and sprint to the nearest liquor store.

“I love…”

A knock came to the door.  Swift, urgent banging. Ville smiled, the pressure from his head lifting.

Angel.

“I gotta go. I’ll call you later.”

“Ville, wait. Ville…”

He pressed end on his phone and nearly ran to the door.

There stood his Angel, flashing him a big smile.

Something had to be wrong.

She stepped into his room and threw her arms around his neck.

“Guess what?” she said. The first words she spoke to him since they decided to sleep together again.

Ville locked his hands around her waist, encircling her into his arms.

“What?” he asked.

Her smile grew brighter.

“I’m not pregnant!”

Ville looked down at her with curiosity.

“Why would you think you were pregnant?”

Angel fell silent. Ville let go of her.

“Are you not on birth control???” he asked urgently.

“I am.”

“So why did you think you’re pregnant?”

Angel shrugged her shoulders, and walked passed Ville into the bedroom.  She pulled the covers down on the soft bed and climbed in, putting one of the giant pillows over her beautiful head.

Ville followed Angel into his room, wondering what the hell she was talking about. She was on the pill, and he used condom. Every fucking time if he remembered correctly, but come to think of it…

Oh shit.

The first night, he wasn’t protected. Ville forgot all about…well everything except for Angel. He didn’t mean to, but he simply got caught up in her. He was so used to how they were that he’d forgotten. Forgotten all about the time they didn’t share together. Those two years disappeared within minutes. She was his Angel again.

And you just dodged a massive bullet. Your reminiscing almost got her pregnant, you moron.

Damn it, why hadn’t Angel said anything sooner? The Angel he knew would have started a fight about it immediately, but she did nothing. Probably because the stubborn bitch that she was wouldn’t admit that she was wrong too.

Ville stopped his thoughts in his tracks. Wait a second. Angel had forgotten. Maybe she was just as tangled up in the moment as he was. Maybe she forgot for the same reason that Ville did: the risk they took farthest from his mind, all he could think about was how they were.

Ville walked to the other side of the bed, and climbed in with Angel. He moved close enough so that their bodies were touching ,exchanging each other’s warmth. Ville sighed as he stared at the white pillow with a slender body.

“A?” he said.

A muffled sound came out of the pillow.

Ville smiled.

“Come on, Angel. Talk to me.”

“hm- mm.”

“A…I can make you come out of there.”

“hmmm-mmmm.” She refuted.

Ville’s smile grew wider at the challenge.

“Yeah huh. See watch!”

Ville swiftly swung one of his knees to the other side of Angel’s hips, straddling her body and trapping her underneath him. She still held the pillow strongly over her face, but Ville knew exactly how to get her out of her hiding place.

Tickle her.

Angel let out a scream followed by crackles of laugher as Ville began tickling her sensitive stomach. She tried to grab Ville’s hands away, but he was too strong. Angel heard him from beneath the pillow, laughing as hard as she was. Gasping for air and refusing to accept defeat so easily, she removed the pillow from her face, and slammed it against Ville’s head.

The impact threw Ville off of Angel and onto his back. Angel got on top of her oppressor and held the pillow over his head like she did the lamp on the first morning of rehab.

Ville was still laughing at her.

“What are you gonna do, suffocate me?” he asked jovially, flashing Angel the smile that made her melt.

She smiled back.

“No…strictly because I need the sex.”

Ville laughed as he reached for the pillow Angel held and snatched it out of her hands. He threw it on the other side of the bed, and then grabbed Angel’s arms closer to him, bringing her down into a sweet kiss.

After their lips parted, Angel rested her head on his shoulder. Ville lazily played with the silk stands of her long, beautiful hair.

“Why didn’t you stop me, A?” he finally asked.

“Why didn’t you stop yourself, Ville?”

They both fell silent.

“Well…you go first,” he mumbled in Finnish.

Angel ‘s hand slowly crept up his shirt, gently stroking his stomach.

“I don’t know. I forgot I guess.”

“You forgot?” Ville persisted, looking for the answer that he craved.

“Umm…yeah. You did too, you bastard.”

“Yeah well if I’m not careful, soon I’ll be up to my ears in bastards.”

Angel rose from his chest to face him completely.

“This isn’t funny, Ville. What if I was pregnant? What the hell were we gonna tell everyone?”

“To be honest, everyone I would tell except for Jonna would probably be ecstatic.”

Angel raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

Ville sighed, rubbed his eyes, and sat up like Angel.

“They all miss you, A. Everyone; even my parents. No one admits it, but I can just tell. Whether you or I like it or not, you became part of the family over there. Now it always feels like something is missing, you know? Helsinki isn’t the same without you.”

Angel’s jaw fell open. They missed her? They didn’t forget about her? Even after she left in pure humiliation and hatred, they considered her part of her family? Ville considered her his family? Angel’s heart felt like it was going to burst.

She never really knew what it was like to have a family,but in Finland she always felt like she belonged. IT was the best damn feeling in the world to know that there were people surrounding her who loved her, come hell or adulterous boyfriends.

Ville stared at Angel, noticing her eyes become bothered by tears. He reached out and touched her cheek gently. Angel could deny it forever, but the sadness in her crystal blue eyes nearly screamed to Ville how much she missed Helsinki. He wanted to take her there now, so that he could prove to her how much his hometown casted itself in sadness as well without her around.

This may be the perfect time. Take back what happened two years ago, mate. Tell her how you feel, how you’ve felt. How you will feel forever.

“Angel,” he began. “I don’t know how to tell you this, and I know its gonna make things a hell of a lot more complicated and It okay if you don’t feel the same way, but  I think I’m still in…”

“HELLOOOOO!”

The sound sent terror through both Angel and Ville’s hearts. Mrs. Frey’s voice came from Ville’s living room. Angel got up swiftly from the bed, and Ville followed.

“She can’t find me here, they’ll kick me out!” Angel harshly whispered.

Ville looked frantically around his room.

“Here, hide behind the door,” Ville said.

Angel shot him a frustrated look.

“THAT IS THE OLDEST HIDING PLACE IN THE BOOK, VILLE!” Angel hissed. “ I’m gonna find my own hiding spot. GO OUT THERE AND DISTRACT HER!”

Ville wasted no time obliging Angel and going quickly into the living room where Miss Frey seemed to be scrutinizing his living room. After looking at every corner, she finally noticed Ville’s presence.

“Oh! Hello there, Ville!” she greeted happily.

“Hey, Miss Frey. What can I do for you?”

“Just doing my weekly inspection. You haven’t been home for the past ones, but I always holler just to make sure I’m not interrupting anything!”

“Nope, not interrupting anything at all.”

Except me professing my undying love for my ex-girlfriend, you stupid cunt.

“Oh good, so I’ll just do your bed and bath and I’ll be out of your hair!”

Without waiting for a response, Miss Frey went right passed Ville into his bedroom. Hopefully, Angel had a good hiding place.

Miss Frey slowly inspected every single corner of his big bedroom, looking under the TV stand, searching between the sheets of his bed, in both drawers of the nightstands, under both nightstands, through the trashcan, and everywhere in between.

“Looks good,” she commented after tearing his room apart. “Now for the bathroom!”

Miss Frey went into the room right next to Ville’s side of the bed and opened the door. Ville followed her into the bathroom that was big enough to house a family of three.  His inspector immediately opened the medicine cabinet, checking through each and every medication. She then looked through the waste paper basket.

Ville wasn’t paying attention. He was too busy looking for Angel. She wasn’t in the bedroom. Miss Frey would have found her. Where the hell was she?  All of a sudden, Ville saw the curtain of his shower move slightly as if it was pushed.

There she was.

“Now I just have to check the shower and I’m done!” Miss Frey said.

Oh shit!

“Wh…Why the shower?” Ville asked, his voice cracking mid-sentence.

“Just to make sure your not hiding liquor in shampoo boodles. That actually happened one time and….”

As Miss Frey continued her rambling, Ville looked at her as if she was in slow motion. She waltzed over to the shower and slowly pulled the curtain back. Maybe Angel could beg for forgiveness. Maybe she could convince them she was in here for a good reason.

They know she’s your ex-girlfriend, dumbass. She’ll get kicked out for sure!

“OH GRACIOUS ME!” Miss Frey shrieked.

Ville closed his eyes like a little child in trouble.

Miss Frey spoke again.

“What are these doing here?”

Ville’s eyes fluttered open to reveal  Miss Frey holding his half emptied box of condoms. Ville had left them there from a yesterday when he and Angel took a shower together.

With a sigh of relief that she had not discovered his real addiction hiding about, Ville jumbled up a lie.

“I found them in my bag left over from touring. Saftey first is my main motto. So am I done with the inspection?”

“Oh I see, yes, Mr. Valo. I’m done.”

Ville showed Miss Frey to the door.

“Alright, Ville. Stay out of trouble. And don’t forget about asking someone to the dance! Its gonna be a great time! Tudaloo!” As Ville shut the door, he heard Miss Frey humming “Straight Up” by Paula Abdul.

That reminded him. Ville kind of, as a joke, but not really, wanted to ask Angel to be his date to the 80’s dance thing.

“A, she’s gone,” Ville yelled through the apartment. Within a moment, Angel showed up behind him.

“Where did you hide?” he asked.

Angel smiled.

“Behind the bedroom door.”

“Hah! I was right then,” he scoffed.

“…Nuh-uh…Its still a stupid hiding place,” Angel commented as she grabbed his hand and led him back into the bedroom. She laid him down on the bed and put his head on his shoulder, reinacting the same postion they were in minutes before.

Ville tried to think of a way to go back to the conversation they were having, but he was interrupted.

“Ville,” Angel said as she rearaganed her body to face him and grabbed his face with both hands. Her expression went from serene to stern in a matter of moments.

“Yeah, babe?” Ville returned quietly. He reached down to lock her lips with his, but she stopped him, making him stare into her eyes. Again, he could see they burned with tears.

“I’m sorry I left Helsinki,” she whispered.
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