It's going to be alright
For the first time in what I feel like two years I am happy with myself. This time it's different and I know I'm going to stay happy, mainly it's because this time I am not happy because I have a new man of the moment but because I have things going for me. I finally stopped talking to Matt all together as a friend, as family, as anything I now want to lock him in my past and never speak to him again, at least not for a year or so. I feel someone guilty for my decision to lock him out of my life, after all I was angry, confused, and upset when Adam did it to me but I now realize more than ever that he had to do that for him. It feels like pushing Matt out of my life has helped with my views upon everyone. I just cant believe I kept myself tortured for so long, I didn't deserve any of it and I am just ecstatic that I finally gave up something that was just a constant weight for me.
Since I gave up on everything with Matt I have been able to live my life the way I want when I want it. Now I am experiencing a true social life that is not clouded by me having to lie to matt about it, take too long, or be somewhere he would disapprove of. When I explain all of these things I cant help but see how pathetic I was for so long and how mentally and physically abused I was getting. I never thought I would be the type a girl that would bend over backwards to be around something that would make her flinch or cringe up when he was angry. I do believe that Matt will have a negative effect on my views towards guys but I know that I just have to take my time and not jump into anything too quickly. Its amazing to see that some of my truly great friends are still there even though I neglected them for so many years. Justin and i have been hanging out and since he broke up with his girlfriend we are able to chill and not have to worry about anyone flipping out. He has a great set of friends too that I am becoming close with as well and it is nice to be around people that are motivated and even enrolled in college.
I have a great new job, I am now a full time nanny. I met the family at the day care I used to work with and the approached me with the idea that I could come and be their full time nanny they pay me more than I got payed there, its only one little fourteen month old and they allow me to take her places. We have classes set up for her in the summer, a set day for wild waters, and they got me a membership to their country club so I can take her up to the pool and order lunch. Yesterday I got paid to do my homework, watch TV, and take a nap. It was great also the family has close relatives in Italy and they have already mentioned that when they go on their annual trips I would be attending as well. It really is a great job and for just the seven days I worked I have made 440 dollars, and those arent full days. During the summer I will be making around fifteen hundred plus dollars a month!
Romantically speaking there really isn't much there but I like that. I have the matt from lambda chi I hang out with and he is fun, maybe we would look into something official in the summer but as of now our schedules are wak. There is also Ben, Justins friend. He is good looking, very intelligent, and motivated. We have a good time together, its only been going on for a couple of days so I will see where it goes. He is a great catch and it kind of intimidates me, I dont think i would be smart enough for him. He is a civil engineer major and pulls a 4.0 easily. Also he has an incredible body, like literally a defined six pack, its the first one I have came across. So thats about it in that area.
Overall I am pretty happy and optimistic. I know that in a few short months everything will be great and I will be happy.
Since I gave up on everything with Matt I have been able to live my life the way I want when I want it. Now I am experiencing a true social life that is not clouded by me having to lie to matt about it, take too long, or be somewhere he would disapprove of. When I explain all of these things I cant help but see how pathetic I was for so long and how mentally and physically abused I was getting. I never thought I would be the type a girl that would bend over backwards to be around something that would make her flinch or cringe up when he was angry. I do believe that Matt will have a negative effect on my views towards guys but I know that I just have to take my time and not jump into anything too quickly. Its amazing to see that some of my truly great friends are still there even though I neglected them for so many years. Justin and i have been hanging out and since he broke up with his girlfriend we are able to chill and not have to worry about anyone flipping out. He has a great set of friends too that I am becoming close with as well and it is nice to be around people that are motivated and even enrolled in college.
I have a great new job, I am now a full time nanny. I met the family at the day care I used to work with and the approached me with the idea that I could come and be their full time nanny they pay me more than I got payed there, its only one little fourteen month old and they allow me to take her places. We have classes set up for her in the summer, a set day for wild waters, and they got me a membership to their country club so I can take her up to the pool and order lunch. Yesterday I got paid to do my homework, watch TV, and take a nap. It was great also the family has close relatives in Italy and they have already mentioned that when they go on their annual trips I would be attending as well. It really is a great job and for just the seven days I worked I have made 440 dollars, and those arent full days. During the summer I will be making around fifteen hundred plus dollars a month!
Romantically speaking there really isn't much there but I like that. I have the matt from lambda chi I hang out with and he is fun, maybe we would look into something official in the summer but as of now our schedules are wak. There is also Ben, Justins friend. He is good looking, very intelligent, and motivated. We have a good time together, its only been going on for a couple of days so I will see where it goes. He is a great catch and it kind of intimidates me, I dont think i would be smart enough for him. He is a civil engineer major and pulls a 4.0 easily. Also he has an incredible body, like literally a defined six pack, its the first one I have came across. So thats about it in that area.
Overall I am pretty happy and optimistic. I know that in a few short months everything will be great and I will be happy.